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melt down :(

O

Obessionfromwithin

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Joined
Dec 27, 2014
Messages
15
Location
N somerset
So as the title suggests I had a melt down today, it happen while I was in an appointment with a psychiatrist and my cpn. I have no clear idea on what may of triggered it but I am mad with myself right now and ashamed that I lost control like that in front of two people who are basically stranger and something like this has never happened before. While it is no excuse for my behaviour I do have a slipped disk that was hit on the weekend that is extremely painful meaning I am a bit more emotional and my fuse is very short at the moment not that it long as I have bpd.
I was pretty angry before I went In because they had me wait for 20mins before going in even thou I had been informed the dr was already around. When asked if I was annoyed I said yes because of this.
At one point my cpn was playing with her nails which she does whenever someone else is talking which really bothers me whoever not enough to say anything but today it really pissed me off.
I swore twice nothing I would say was extremely offensive but I was warned the first time, and did instantly apologise the second I slipped up.
I wasn't very talkative but I never am with a new person which my cpn should have informed the dr but it appeared she didn't however I was not very usefully when he asked what my worse problem was. I can go quite when annoyed and this would be one of those moment, so he then decided to go into a full history which I have had to do countless already and really annoyed again as my cpn told me the appointment was to sort my sleep out as 'once sleep is sorted I'm sure a lot thing will get better'

As I was swearing and because of my behaviour I was told that the session was being stopped and would be schedule this is when I just lost it while there was minimal swearing and I didn't shout I did refuse to leave I can't really remember much but I do remember.
I mentioned the nail biting and she got offensive saying she didn't do it and even if she did it was irrelevant, I said it was relevant as it bothered me to which she replied well no else has complained in 15 years. I also told them I wanted a new cpn this is something I have wanted since meeting her as I didn't like her the minute I met her to this she got visible angry which is understandable she told me I had to write to her manager so I asked for the address so she scribbled it down very angrily for me. Who I will be contacting in a few days to ask to change but am going to leave it a few days as I know they will say it just because of today :confused: I should have dealt with this in a different manner I know but I just wanted it out because I find her so uncaring which she basically told me isn't her job.
I was crying telling them they never help me that the service is crap and that they alway let me down basically feeling sorry for myself and all that jazz it got to the point where they told me if I didn't leave they would have my removed from the building I had apologised before this bold statement but then started back up about the nails because I can't understand her reaction.
My 2 guesses for this extreme over reaction are either my bottled up feeling towards my cpn and I just lost it today or the fact that I can't stand rejection which you could class this as and I have such a ridiculous fear of rejection that I can't even apply for new jobs incase I am reject and I am well aware how silly that is.

Thank you if you read this just getting out there has help me feel a tiny but better and now I'm gonna go stuff my face full of cake ;)
 
H

HospitalForSouls

Active member
Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
28
Location
Birmingham, UK
Hi obsessionfromwithin
Its unfortunate that you had this reaction, it is likely that you were stressed and it came to manifest as anger in this meeting and clearly the nurse wasn't helping-On a bigger note, the services in the UK are awful. Lots of the nurses are employed on wages from private companies, so they tend to be straight-out-of the course newbies with no experience of care. I mean I've been to CMHT twice now telling them i hear and see things and that I made plans to kill my mother and they've discharged me both times, claiming that I'm narcissistic... Anyway Im sorry to hear you had this experience with the services and i hope your new CPN has more experience of care and can help you

Stay Safe xx :hug:
 
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