Melodramatically 'close to the end'

[bluenomore]

You have to laugh. Ironically, I conquered my anxiety and managed to enter a Tesco supermarket yesterday nr where I live, in order to purchase a pack of Stella Artois. Was the scariest, most public escapade I'd attempted for a long time. Don't know whether to celebrate that I could make such a move or commiserate that I was falling back on tackling my anxiety symptoms with alchohol, which i realise is at best, a temporary solution.

My last meeting with cmh ppl ended with them offering me computer cbt. At the time, i told them I would try anything that might rid me of this vicious cycle, but having done some research, I've decided that this is just a waste of time. Has anyone else tried this?

I'm not convinced that the authorities are taking me seriously, but on the other hand I don't feel that I am worthy of their full attention. My problems nay well be self-induced, and there are plenty more ppl deserving of care than I am.

Anyway, without trying to sound too melodramatic, I am close to the end. My prospects aren't good especially in these financially troubled times, and i'm close to giving up. However i suppose that the very fact that i'm posting this must (logically) mean that I'm hoping for a reprieve. Just not sure if I want to continue this pointless path.

rant over,

x blue

 

[jamesdean]

Hello blue I would of thought that the fact that you've found this forum and posted is a sign that you take yourself serious enough to be concerned about your health status and are trying to do something postive about it and more so that you dont want to give, but want to fight it for a good outcome, excuse me if I'm wrong but keep posting. JD

 

[bluenomore]

Thanks for your reply jamesdean. I guess I've not quite given up. Some of that was the Stella speaking. Pathetic, I know. Anyway, I appreciate your words.

 

[GrizzlyBear]

I've been to the edge and wanted to give up...in some ways I did give up and was just waiting to die by accident.

Online CBT could be worth trying. I'd do it but it was never offered to me. I know you've researched it but maybe the final and most perfect act of research is to try it yourself. I tried (and still try) just about anything that is suggested unless research shows it to be statistically much more harmful than doing nothing at all.

If it does'nt work for you you can scrub it off the list or try it again later.

We all deserve care no matter how much we've messed up.

 

[bluenomore]

You're right GrizzleyBear. i should at least try it before dismissing it out of hand. I'm probably being over-cynical.

Thanks for the support.

 

[GrizzlyBear]

Well...either it will help or you get to criticize it with conviction.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I think if it's being offered give it a go, you don't have to do the full program if it doesn't sit well with you.

 

[bluenomore]

Feeling more positive today (probably because i ran out of beer last night). I'll give this ccbt a try and let you know what i think (gonna take about 3 weeks to start the program though).

Thanks for the advice everyone

 

[saffron]

Hi blue
sounds like you are facing your demons, at least some of them, the result of what you bought is immaterial really, unless you were really desparate for it of course, but the matter is you DID IT. every long walk starts with one small step, as they say.

I have heard that you can ask your Gp for the computer CBT dvd for free. i think it is called ;beating the blues' . it would always be worth a try I think.

take care
S

 

[mudslides]

I "medicate" with alcohol too. Im sat here drinking right now.
Did you do the cbt in the end? I was completely tragic at it.

 

[diddypinks]

hi

hi there i just ant to say that it is a massive achievment to go to tesco! i remember i was so anxious the first time i went to asda oh my god i hated it now i go no bother. we are a sub group of people who are too metal for rehab and too alcoholic for thr cbt its appalling and YOU ARE DEFINATELY "worthy" of help if you lived in america you ould be in therapy once a eek and other helpfull programmes unfortunately in england they see people ith drink problems as not trying to better themselves which is toss. i have been 8 months sober its not easy but what is? thingsill get bad then better if you give up drinking. then better and better good luck diddy

 

[bluenomore]

Hey, I am back on the forums.

Still drinking, but i have enrolled in a couple of Open University courses which start in October 09.

Been experiencing Hypomania... anyone else have this?

 

[shelly]

what?

sorry probably being totally dumb here but what is hypomania??

 

[bluenomore]

Hypomania > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

Ok, now I've woken up sober with a dry mouth and a sense of unease.

 

[shelly]

Hiya

Thanks for the web address, Hope the dry mouth has gone and your feeling a little better. Shelly