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Melancholy

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OptimusFine

New member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Texas
I was talking to an old friend one night chatting about random things from music to science to conspiracy theories. We asked each other to describe the other person in one word. My word was melancholy.
move never really thought of myself as a sad person until I graduated and realized that really life has no meaning. We are born one day, constantly trying to move up from level to level constantly trying to achieve what? A shitty marriage? Kids? A 9-5 job that we will end up getting stuck in for years until we’re too old and dead to do anything else. Why? Why do we have to force our way through life being unhappy? Why do I have to struggle to survive, to do anything. To sleep, eat, drink, live. What is the point?
They say drunk words are sober thoughts. I remember the first time I got REALLY fucked up and all I could think of talk about was how fucking sad everything was and how angry it made me. How unfair it is. I get it, you have to be strong and EVENTUALLY it will get better, right? Right? But what if it doesn’t. What if it’s just what I said, meaningless. A constant state of melancholy.
I don’t see the point in being so unhappy anymore. Nothing helps. Ive tried relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, hobbies. Reading, writing, drawing, running, music. Nothing makes me happy, nothing satisfies this melancholic void that sits and grows in my chest and mind.
I think I’ve always been melancholy. I see the negative in everything and try to reassure myself with the positive, but the pessimism is always there. I tell myself I see things for how they truly are. Lies, deceit, an act. It’s sad. This world is sad and I pity every living thing on it. I pity myself for seeing things this way. I’m angry at myself for seeing things this way. Why can’t I be happy? Why must my word be melancholy and not something else?
Im not saying that my old friends words effected me in any way to make me see myself differently. I just see that he’s right. Ive always been this way, negative and sad. And tired.
melancholy.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
721
Location
US
Hey, OptimusFine, and sorry you are struggling like this. Sounds like an existential crisis, been there. What really, really helped me, more than I can say, is reading some good books on Buddhism. It makes so much sense, not like my Catholic faith where I have to just be like "OK?" sometimes, Buddhism just plain makes sense. It brought me peace of mind at a time when I saw no meaning at all. Keep talking here. Connections help it make sense, albeit here they are virtual. But they still have value. Love makes it worth it. Helping others makes it worth it (when we have the time, right?). I was born negative, I think I started bitching straight out of the womb, I get that. Beating yourself up for it only makes it more so and makes you feel worse, which is of no value. Try to be kinder to yourself and realise there are so many people in this boat with you. It is hard to find meaning in this world, there is too much pain, anger, hatred, etc., etc. and we are exhausted from all our "have to's". I get it. Try looking into it, it really helped me. Welcome to the forum, and I hope you find it useful, to vent, to get advice from people who have had all kinds of experiences yet can relate.
 
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EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
461
Location
Orleans vermont.
Your diagnosis of life is accurate, life has no real meaning beyond biologically reproducing which is written in our genetic code. If your bot careful life can become a meaningless grind. You can however choose a meaning for it. I chose the following

1. Have as much fun as possible.
2. Learn as much as possible.

Everything I do in life relates to one of the two. I try to find the funny in everything, enjoy video games, learn and teach when I can. Ever since I chose to do that I've felt much better about my place in life. I'm not defined by anyone elses work, I'm defined by how I feel.

I'm a pessimist too. I cant help but see the negitive in everything so what I do is make fun of everything. For instance, I'm fat and for a long time that was hard but now I use it as a joke and I found I feel better about it, like it's a quality.

If you had the option to do anything what would you do? Find a passion and let it be your reason to live and it will never disappoint.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
5,123
Location
My house
Being pessimistic or negative sometimes isn’t such a bad thing when trying to get thru life’s ups and downs. I mean really I be asked myself before what could have helped me in certain situations and the answer was to look at that situation negatively. And why would this be because you approach the situation with more caution and care then. You don’t under estimate the situation or look at it incorrectly because sometimes a bad experience is just that... a bad experience and there really is no positive in it. I don’t struggle remaining positive though because that’s what life’s all about

Remaining positive.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
891
Location
England
I see it as a kind of self-preservation. If you going into everything expecting the worst thing to happen you won't be disappointed, but you could be pleasantly surprised - for the time being.
I would assume that this stems from some kind of disappointment in your past and this has taught you not to get your hopes up about things because you know how it hurts when things don't go as you wish?
 
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