Meditation/mindfulness triggering dissociation + conversion disorder

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elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
19
Location
Scandinavia
#1
I have a nice mix of symptoms probably caused by CPTSD-type of situation (depression, anxiety, non-fearful panic attacks, somatisation, dissociation dymptoms and conversion disorder / PNES).

Meditation and/or mindfulness has been recommended to me by pretty much everyone and boy I've been trying. A short 3 minute guided meditation may help me release anxiety, but any longer than that or on a bad day and it has a big adverse effect. Even physical relaxation sessions that I participated were very difficult for me. I depersonalized like mad all the time and had to focus on complex counting tasks in my head digging my nails into my palms to keep myself still and present. If I "let go", I got a PNE seizure. The same happens with home meditation. I either start convulsing, get a panic attack, or go into a dissociative zombie-mode where I feel totally numb and moving feels like the air around me was jelly and my limbs were detached from me.

Anyone else has had adverse reaction to meditation/mindfulness? Any tips on should I insist on practicing or not?
 
E

elanka

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2018
Messages
19
Location
Scandinavia
#3
Thank you Poopy Doll, the article was really interesting.

I can kind of understand the effect of extreme meditation accompanied with lack of foor and sleep deprivation, but I'm having trouble understanding why my mind is so "allergic" to all methods of quieting down. I don't know if I should slowly and carefully teach it to tolerate mindfulness, or would it be dangerous to my mind as the reaction is so strong at the moment. Frustrating.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Joined
Jun 13, 2015
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11,439
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#4
I use to like singing crystal bowls. You can get a bowl and do it yourself or you can get a CD of Buddhist crystal bowl music. I was very sick after being incarcerated for two years and all I could listen to was stuff like the bowls or Native American music. It's not meditation but it's meditative.
 
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