Meaning of life?



Well-known member
Founding Member
Apr 4, 2008
I hope the ect helps. Its something I considered at one point but I wasn't brave enough to push for it.Even some temporary relief might help.
Saffron- a good reminder that little things can bring pleasure.I'm trying walking again I'm lucky enough to live near the coast and the sea is a very powerful force and holds a fascination for me so well worth the walk.


ECT probably won't be that effective on me, because I don't have a life to go back to. I had the luxury of retreating into solitude as a teenager when depression and anxiety hit. I thought I could survive being totally isolated from society, but I've come to realize that I abandoned critical elements of being human. I'm not sure I can recover them.

I let depression and anxiety steer my life into virtual non-existence. I wish I would have sought help sooner. Now there are so many barriers before me that recovery seems impossible. It will take a miracle for me to survive this year. Suicide is always on my mind.

I hope that if someone in a similar situation reads this post, they will seek professional help before its too late.


If you look at all the barriers ahead then they will seem impossible to overcome. Take them one at a time. Recovery doesn't have to be speedy, slow and steady is sometimes the best.

Keep posting. x


This is avery intgerseting thread because I think its about three times that I have turned to God in my life and this time I think I have got closer to the message than ever befor but then it just all stopped I havent really felt anything like whot I thought that I understood, I tried to believe that I didnt want to find god through traumatic experiences, but then I have been quite poorly physicaly for about amonth in this period of time so like when I first spoke with my spiritual guide its was said to me that god did not intend suffering, so because I'm just not feeling any love right now from god I do wonder if just keeping me going is all thats happening right now. Because in my life depression became well before any physical illness.
I did try to take god out of my life completely in the start of last year and then life became heel ish, and whot ever my feelings I admire people that can live with the fact that they are atheist and that life still has the courage of their conviction.

Borderline though I have to say that I was at the point that you are many times in my life that there was no meaning at all and I know how completely "nothing that means" Not anyhting and I remeber the ways and things that people mostly family used to say and even before that some of the things my father said to me are disgraceful and my brother well ihavent evn spoken to him now for about three months the hurt that hes caused my self n my younger brother but the amount of control he had over my life trying to bully me into his influencew all the time.
I spoke to someone recently and tried to explain how other people have come out of a depression after a period of time and they know that they have come out of it completely I have often had a couple of days tops that I could tell you that were depression free but I dont think I've made it beyond a week.
My quality of life is possiably better than when I lost everything and had to live in hostels has a homelesss person in perhaps that the clothes I wear the fact that I've got this computer and i have broadband, you know that I'm not sharing a bathroom with 16 guys (like one stage) three beds to aroom. That I've been a relationship for 15 years (which hasnt been easy). trying to keep up with normal.
These I guess are some of the mecahnics of life.
I have periods of psycosis and I have had very distressing periods in my life that I cannot explain but though I'm has articulate has my level of intelligence and I dont think any psych doctor has truly understood the depths that I have reached even when I've been to see them in a sate like I tried to explain that once I felt like I was walking 6ft above the ground and that once I was so far down an hole that I couldnt see the doc above his desk, that once someone asked me wher I lived and I couldnt remeber ( I only know that one because a friend told me about it at alatter stage, that
I have shouted at my mother on the phone because I was convinced she was going death when infact she wasnt even on the phone,

Now I have lost the meaning why I'm writing all this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I best shut up n post because I think the first part might of been interseting sorry if I've just rambled on, Oh thats it I wasnt trying to tell you that there is ligth at the end of the tunnel who knows the there might never be a purpose to anyones life, but getting by I guess in my life has been quite an achievement because Ive been so close to suicide so many times, last night in fact the last few days I have bben fighting it.

I'm a gay man so I'm not going to reproduce, I dont have no desires to have children to help make the world go around and I've not been in the human race in terms of employment for 19 years n that possiably isnt going to cahnge.

I tried to be strong when I joined a spiritual group recently but my health has risen to the top of my profile.

All that I think that I've written is This is life because there isnt anything else I used to think there was another existence that I used to really believe I was going to find this other world because this one wasnt making any sense to me, I certainly dont feel any stronger for all my suffering both mh and physicla I dont feel its made me any stronger or that I have any meaning or purpose to it all, so I dont buy into that one but somedays I'm quite impressed with perhaps a conversation or a contact that i have made for example.

Something that took me by surprise.
There that ends my post on a joly note.


quality factor

If I could have what I really wanted, which would be my ideal, it would be back in my old job knowing the things that I know now.
My life was devastated, like you,KP, when I lost my job due to ill health.
Now I have to take each day as it comes, I find it difficult to plan and carry my plans out.
My life is stimulated by very different things now. Just to attend a swimming session is an achievement for me, or manage to do my shopping and come out of the store feeling stress-free feels satisfying. I suppose the simple things in life are more of an ideal because they 're more achievable.
Striving for an ideal is now an everyday battle. Different things affect me these days, I suppose my mood is much more sensitive to my surroundings and the things people say. It is a good day if I've managed to get through it unscathed, mentally , that is. It is a bad day if I'm very suicidal and not done anything about it, as I've got to face another day. But another day brings along different anxieties and moods and the ideal for that day may change.
I feel my ideal is very much a case of swings and roundabouts, an emotional rollercoaster.


AllenGeorge said:
Life has no objective meaning.
You find out what is most meaningful to you in life, and you love it until you die.
A good meal, a good conversation, your friends and family and the time spent together.
It's the little things in life, there's nothing bigger.
I agree in a way - reality is subjective. - a truth on many levels.


Mar 9, 2009
Hello, the meaning of life I don't know what to believe exactly but it is something that has come up a lot in my thinking. When I was in hospital they said that this meant I was depressed on a metaphysical level whatever that means.. Its been something important to think about for me anyway, although my beliefs about it go from the very dark to the very light, depending on which part of my circle I'm in so I write things down to try and clarify what I really believe and I keep reading it over and over to remind me so I don't loose sight of it when my emotions go up and down. I think I tend to question the meaning of life more when I'm down because I think - what is all this about anyway and is it worth it. I spent the last few months plotting my suicide in several different ways and had one failed attempt, so failed that nobody noticed so I didn't tell anyone. What I try to remember is that life must be some kind of miracle though because when I think about say a cat, its such a complicated little system with a heart, lungs, brain and different behaviour, I think where did that come from, how did it come to be if there was nothing but dust before life happened. And then there's us and we're amazing compared to animals, so much more advanced with our languages, computers, relationships, different types of food and sport. It freaks me out sometimes because if we came from nothing to being so complicated it makes me afraid of what I can't see but then I think whatever there is bad in the world, there must also be an underlying benevolent force as well. The bad side of things for me is not the beauty of animals and trees, its people and I sometimes find it very easy to believe that all people are all bad. It took me 27 years to realise this but fairly recently I have come to believe that dark beliefs like that about people are just my depression talking and maybe its like a delusion because its a belief that isn't real if that makes sense. What I try and remember is that when I try and measure it more carefully, there's probably al least 50% of people who are good and there may be more but its the bad people/behaviour that makes all the headlines. I also hope that some of the bad people wouldn't be half as bad if it wasn't for the socio-economic mathematicians that designed a system which encourages greed and doesn't reflect human nature. Because in remote societies that aren't built on such politics, there is a lot more harmony amongst people than there is in the UK for example. I'm waffling on quite a bit, I hope its of some help. I feel like I can relate to you saying that you felt like you abandoned critical elements of being human. For me, I first tried to kill myself when I was 7 and I have spent most of my life feeling isolated from various things including myself. For me something that seems like it might have helped is a herbal thing called 5HTP, I'm quite frightened of doctor's medication for more reasons than one. I have had a lot of repetitive downward thinking that would seem to be all linked to my emotions and I have tried to break the cycles of this by writing things down and then saying and reading it back to myself over and over again. These are things like: "The end of something doesn't disqualify the whole thing" - this one helps me because I feel like I have lost a lot of things and I need to remember that just because they have gone, that doesn't mean they were never any value to me. I hope you are not as hard on yourself as I am on myself because that can be a bad thing. I wish you luck anyway, hope the ECT goes well. Thanks,22AM.