Me?

A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#1
I guess I should’ve done this prior to making my first post/thread (the only one I’ve made). Possible triggers ahead:

I started going to psychiatrists when I was a sophomore in high school, I believe I was fifteen at the time. I was forced into it because my parents found out that I had been injuring myself and was suicidal. I wanted no part of it so I really didn’t answer most questions honestly, nor did I want to talk to the therapist I was assigned to.

Fast forward to now, I’m twenty-two and have been officially diagnosed with borderline, ADHD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and PTSD (new as of September last year). I quit all of my medications cold/turkey in January because they made me a zombie and I was so foggy that it became very easy for me to be manipulated. My decision making skills were compromised, as were my grades in college courses. I also quit seeing my therapist, the only good one I’ve ever had.

I did a lot of dumb things and none of the doctors I’ve seen since high school would ever listen to me. I have been consistently given three or more medications at a time, which have often had adverse effects or just made me a zombie. I never stopped hurting myself and it began to escalate beyond being just my legs. I realized this and because of my impulsiveness, I quit my medications. It was a horrific two weeks that followed, but I think I’m much better now.

I will say, I’m considering therapy again because I know that I’m not well off. I’m not happy and I dread most things, but I wouldn’t say I’m depressed completely. I have even considered looking for a new doctor because my anger and mood swings are unbearable sometimes. I just will absolutely refuse to be put on so many antidepressants that I can’t function at all.

I guess I’m here now to talk to people who might relate to me and actually understand how it is living with mental illnesses. I don’t have anyone in my immediate circle who understands or cares. I do enjoy talking as a whole and I feel it could be beneficial in many ways.
 
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LizBo

LizBo

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Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
180
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Down-under
#2
Hi @Amathe77 :welcome: Great to meet you!

I'm not your age (👵 I was once lol) but I found your post interesting, so I hope you don't mind me saying hello and chatting.

My generation didn't act out with self harm so it saddens me to know such things are impacting young people's lives and bodies. You seem really intelligent; someone who's somewhat of a risk taker and wants more that life has to offer. That's wonderful!

I was diagnosed only five years ago with complex ptsd and panic disorder with depressive moods, after I had a major breakdown at work. I haven't worked since but have been considering it of late.

I just wanted to talk about medications for a moment. (from my perspective if that's ok) Psychiatrists tend to treat the diagnosis instead of symptoms. If you don't tell them the truth, as with anything, it's difficult to help.

Finding the right med's can be like walking a tightrope; lean too much one way and you lose balance and tilt the other way. Getting to the middle takes courage, patience and a little experimentation. It took me 3 months to find something to alleviate the mental/emotional anguish I was going through. I thought I'd die, but I got there in the end.

Med's aren't a cure, but they can be little pills of hope and calm to give us enough relief to look into why we act the way we do and, create new ways to cope and live a fulfilling life. Eventually the plan is to find the right one and reduce the dose to as low as possible to maintain a healthy balance.

I'm not surprised your two weeks after stopping was horrible. The brain needs time to readjust chemical levels; that's why reducing slowly is advised.

By the way, anti depressants don't make you like a zombie. It must've been something else you were prescribed. (anti psychotic med's?)

Sorry to lecture. I guess it's a bi product of my age; wanting to help more than anything because I've been there and know how painful it can be.

I really hope you enjoy your time on the forums, and maybe even find a friend or two. Here if you need me...

Kind thoughts;
Liz :hug1:
 
A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#4
Hi @Amathe77 :welcome: Great to meet you!

I'm not your age (👵 I was once lol) but I found your post interesting, so I hope you don't mind me saying hello and chatting.

My generation didn't act out with self harm so it saddens me to know such things are impacting young people's lives and bodies. You seem really intelligent; someone who's somewhat of a risk taker and wants more that life has to offer. That's wonderful!

I was diagnosed only five years ago with complex ptsd and panic disorder with depressive moods, after I had a major breakdown at work. I haven't worked since but have been considering it of late.

I just wanted to talk about medications for a moment. (from my perspective if that's ok) Psychiatrists tend to treat the diagnosis instead of symptoms. If you don't tell them the truth, as with anything, it's difficult to help.

Finding the right med's can be like walking a tightrope; lean too much one way and you lose balance and tilt the other way. Getting to the middle takes courage, patience and a little experimentation. It took me 3 months to find something to alleviate the mental/emotional anguish I was going through. I thought I'd die, but I got there in the end.

Med's aren't a cure, but they can be little pills of hope and calm to give us enough relief to look into why we act the way we do and, create new ways to cope and live a fulfilling life. Eventually the plan is to find the right one and reduce the dose to as low as possible to maintain a healthy balance.

I'm not surprised your two weeks after stopping was horrible. The brain needs time to readjust chemical levels; that's why reducing slowly is advised.

By the way, anti depressants don't make you like a zombie. It must've been something else you were prescribed. (anti psychotic med's?)

Sorry to lecture. I guess it's a bi product of my age; wanting to help more than anything because I've been there and know how painful it can be.

I really hope you enjoy your time on the forums, and maybe even find a friend or two. Here if you need me...

Kind thoughts;
Liz :hug1:
Thank you for the response! I graduate in five days with a degree and a minor in psychology, which has opened my eyes somewhat. I know that they are meant to treat the diagnosis, but I have a hard time not questioning the process. If you're only asking me three questions and diagnosing me, how do you know you're making the correct diagnosis? From the counseling and psychology courses I have taken, it is evident that extensive interviews are meant to happen before they diagnose you, unless you're in serious danger, then they do it much quicker. That wasn't the case for me and honestly, even at 15 or 16, I was questioning how this man could know so much about me by just asking me three basic questions. He didn't set me up with a therapist, my next psychiatrist did that after he moved out of the state.

I've seen several foreign psychiatrists who didn't seem the slightest bit interested in actually talking to me or helping me in any way. In fact, one did not even respond when I said I was considering killing myself and that I was in a very dark, suicidal set of mind. I was eighteen at the time and even then, I was taken aback by the lack of action. I never went back because I could tell he didn't care. That and he asked me more about my sex life than anything pertaining to what I was feeling. By that point, I wanted help because I wanted to stop feeling so awful all the time. These doctors often have it listed where they are from and where they got their degree at, all of them came from countries who do not believe in mental illness or mental health. I have talked to some people via Twitter from those countries and I asked why this is, they told me psychiatry is a great route to take to get into the U.S. as a doctor. The foreign doctors I've had outside of mental health have been some of the best doctors I've ever had.

In regards to medicine, it was pretty much the general consensus that I was having adverse effects because I was on so many different ones at one time. They were interacting poorly with each other I suppose. I've been on so many types of medications that you may be right, they may not have actually been antidepressants. None of the doctors really specified what they were doing or what the drug was, just that they were giving it to me. I also was bad at not asking questions up until about two years ago. I suppose that partially makes me to blame too.
 
A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#5
Hello, welcome and I wish you the best of luck in finding a good therapist. I know how difficult it is to get the help you really need.
Thank you! It is very difficult, but I did find one I really liked. She helped me a lot but I quit going back in January because I tend to avoid things that freak me out. She really upset me and said stuff I didn't want to hear, so i quit going. Up until using this site and talking to a couple of people, it had pretty much stayed in my subconscious and I hadn't realized why I really quit going.
 
Warrior

Warrior

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
474
Location
UK
#6
I guess I should’ve done this prior to making my first post/thread (the only one I’ve made). Possible triggers ahead:

I started going to psychiatrists when I was a sophomore in high school, I believe I was fifteen at the time. I was forced into it because my parents found out that I had been injuring myself and was suicidal. I wanted no part of it so I really didn’t answer most questions honestly, nor did I want to talk to the therapist I was assigned to.

Fast forward to now, I’m twenty-two and have been officially diagnosed with borderline, ADHD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and PTSD (new as of September last year). I quit all of my medications cold/turkey in January because they made me a zombie and I was so foggy that it became very easy for me to be manipulated. My decision making skills were compromised, as were my grades in college courses. I also quit seeing my therapist, the only good one I’ve ever had.

I did a lot of dumb things and none of the doctors I’ve seen since high school would ever listen to me. I have been consistently given three or more medications at a time, which have often had adverse effects or just made me a zombie. I never stopped hurting myself and it began to escalate beyond being just my legs. I realized this and because of my impulsiveness, I quit my medications. It was a horrific two weeks that followed, but I think I’m much better now.

I will say, I’m considering therapy again because I know that I’m not well off. I’m not happy and I dread most things, but I wouldn’t say I’m depressed completely. I have even considered looking for a new doctor because my anger and mood swings are unbearable sometimes. I just will absolutely refuse to be put on so many antidepressants that I can’t function at all.

I guess I’m here now to talk to people who might relate to me and actually understand how it is living with mental illnesses. I don’t have anyone in my immediate circle who understands or cares. I do enjoy talking as a whole and I feel it could be beneficial in many ways.
:welcome: @Amathe77 I used to be suicidal and also injure myself when I was younger at your age and before that and I have bipolar, anxiety and used to hear voices bad but I have one fowl temper (my hubby calls me a fuse) and that temper is hard to control I've been under phsychiatric doctors besides counselling and none of them helped regarding my temper.

They drug you up to numb the head and just totally bring you down to where your more or less lifeless but just take it easy keep coming off the meds quick as you can cause more self harm to yourself, you need to come off them at a steady rate. :hug: Abby
 
A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#7
:welcome: @Amathe77 I used to be suicidal and also injure myself when I was younger at your age and before that and I have bipolar, anxiety and used to hear voices bad but I have one fowl temper (my hubby calls me a fuse) and that temper is hard to control I've been under phsychiatric doctors besides counselling and none of them helped regarding my temper.

They drug you up to numb the head and just totally bring you down to where your more or less lifeless but just take it easy keep coming off the meds quick as you can cause more self harm to yourself, you need to come off them at a steady rate. :hug: Abby
I do have a hard time believing that we should just accept pumping ourselves with chemicals in these medications. The lists of side effects that comes with each one is long and horrendous. I've had less issues off medicine than when I'm on it. My temper is awful, but I actually function and have thoughts and feelings. The medications made me numb or made me even worse, amplifying the suicidal thoughts and thoughts to hurt myself. I don't think all medications are bad, as some people do really find them helpful, but I think everyone is different and not everyone can function with medications.
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
180
Location
Down-under
#8
Congratulations @Amathe77!! A degree's hard work, so well done young one. :bravo:

I'm sorry you haven't found a psychiatrist who suits your MH needs. I only visited one for a diagnosis and medication review, and one I 'had' to see while I was admitted to a psych ward. They aren't people who look at you holistically, so I see a clinical psychologist to sort through life issues. She's been with me since the beginning and we've formed quite a good relationship.

It's great you're speaking up now and asking questions. That's a really important aspect of therapy/treatment. Proud of you :)

You don't mention friends or family; are you ok. I mean, are you alone? Coping? I'd like to think you have someone to turn to in a pickle.

If you want to talk about painful issues, I'm here for you as I'm sure others will be too. Take your time finding your comfort zone on here. It's anonymous and secure, with genuinely caring people to share with.

Kind thoughts;
Liz x
 
Warrior

Warrior

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Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
474
Location
UK
#9
I do have a hard time believing that we should just accept pumping ourselves with chemicals in these medications. The lists of side effects that comes with each one is long and horrendous. I've had less issues off medicine than when I'm on it. My temper is awful, but I actually function and have thoughts and feelings. The medications made me numb or made me even worse, amplifying the suicidal thoughts and thoughts to hurt myself. I don't think all medications are bad, as some people do really find them helpful, but I think everyone is different and not everyone can function with medications.
:hi: Amathe, I quite agree on the side affects had a few myself over the years and if you do better without being loaded up all the better :bravo:...I told one doctor he was using me as a local guinea pig plus I was wrongly diagnosed when I first took ill and the amount of meds besides injections caused some damage..i was just concerned with pulling off them to quick :)
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
222
Location
somewhere between here and there
#11
Thank you! It is very difficult, but I did find one I really liked. She helped me a lot but I quit going back in January because I tend to avoid things that freak me out. She really upset me and said stuff I didn't want to hear, so i quit going. Up until using this site and talking to a couple of people, it had pretty much stayed in my subconscious and I hadn't realized why I really quit going.
I am sorry you had such a bad time with your therapist. I really feel for you.

I 'fired' my last counselor and am currently in the process of trying to get help again. I didn't get the feeling that she believed me or took any of my concerns seriously. So I know about being on waiting lists, and about the seemingly endless waiting for docs to call you back, and how very hard it is finding real help when you need it.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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Joined
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Messages
222
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somewhere between here and there
#12
I do have a hard time believing that we should just accept pumping ourselves with chemicals in these medications. The lists of side effects that comes with each one is long and horrendous. I've had less issues off medicine than when I'm on it.
I agree. I don't think anyone should fill any prescription, whether for psych meds or anything else, without first doing the research about that med. As I always say, you only get one liver, one pancreas, and one set of kidneys in this life. Treat them kindly.

I was fortunate enough to have a psychiatrist many years ago who told me the hard truth about what the meds would do to the remainder of my health.
 
A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#13
Congratulations @Amathe77!! A degree's hard work, so well done young one. :bravo:

I'm sorry you haven't found a psychiatrist who suits your MH needs. I only visited one for a diagnosis and medication review, and one I 'had' to see while I was admitted to a psych ward. They aren't people who look at you holistically, so I see a clinical psychologist to sort through life issues. She's been with me since the beginning and we've formed quite a good relationship.

It's great you're speaking up now and asking questions. That's a really important aspect of therapy/treatment. Proud of you :)

You don't mention friends or family; are you ok. I mean, are you alone? Coping? I'd like to think you have someone to turn to in a pickle.

If you want to talk about painful issues, I'm here for you as I'm sure others will be too. Take your time finding your comfort zone on here. It's anonymous and secure, with genuinely caring people to share with.

Kind thoughts;
Liz x
Thank you, I greatly appreciate that! I still live with my mother and her husband at this time, mostly because affording a place on top of college was nearly impossible. I've also found that I really hate being alone, but even though I'm not technically alone, I feel alone. I don't really talk to her about anything because even when she actually gives me the time of day when I'm upset, she says some really condescending things to me, which usually make me feel even worse. We don't really get along, but she pretends we do lol. I have a family full of really rude people and as a whole, no one discusses their problems, never have. We don't really even say "I love you" in my family, I guess because it's too close to actual emotions. The only emotion usually shown is anger. As far as friends go, I go through friends pretty quickly. I don't bond with a lot of people and when I do, it's one-sided because I'm too helpful. I just recently found out that my "best friend" was using me to get money and alcohol. Ironically, she's the one who told me. I've had this happen a lot to me, so I've become even more closed off than I was before. I spend a good portion of time alone and in my head. The only person I still consider a friend, I don't see a lot and we have never really been friends who talk about deep, personal matters.
 
A

Amathe77

Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#15
I am sorry you had such a bad time with your therapist. I really feel for you.

I 'fired' my last counselor and am currently in the process of trying to get help again. I didn't get the feeling that she believed me or took any of my concerns seriously. So I know about being on waiting lists, and about the seemingly endless waiting for docs to call you back, and how very hard it is finding real help when you need it.
It is unfortunate how the process of finding a good therapist works. I lack motivation generally, so forcing myself to go through the whole process is not very easy. There aren't really waiting lists for most therapists in my area, but I suppose that's because none of them are actually good at their job. The worst thing I did was taking counseling classes, because now I know when they're not acting ethically or when they're just not doing their job.
 
A

Amathe77

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Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
20
Location
USA
#16
:hi: Amathe, I quite agree on the side affects had a few myself over the years and if you do better without being loaded up all the better :bravo:...I told one doctor he was using me as a local guinea pig plus I was wrongly diagnosed when I first took ill and the amount of meds besides injections caused some damage..i was just concerned with pulling off them to quick :)
Yeah, the side effects have sometimes been incredibly dangerous. A lot of the medical "professionals" in my area are negligent and the local hospital keeps getting sued for it. I should not be surprised that I received bad "help." I've met very few doctors in my life that actually care and do their job correctly. Hell, I almost died twice from medication issues and negligence. I'm only twenty-two, so that is insane to even think about.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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#17
It is unfortunate how the process of finding a good therapist works. I lack motivation generally, so forcing myself to go through the whole process is not very easy. There aren't really waiting lists for most therapists in my area, but I suppose that's because none of them are actually good at their job. The worst thing I did was taking counseling classes, because now I know when they're not acting ethically or when they're just not doing their job.
Lucky you that you don't have to deal with waiting lists! In this area, there is such a need for therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists that even the ones that aren't so great sometimes have a waiting list. On top of that, they don't all take every type of insurance.

I would think you would be happy you took the counseling classes! It is good to really know when a therapist is doing something wrong, rather than the patient wondering if it's just themselves being crazy. You can be gaslighted by a therapist, you know.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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#18
I should not be surprised that I received bad "help." I've met very few doctors in my life that actually care and do their job correctly. Hell, I almost died twice from medication issues and negligence.
I hear you. I have had similar experiences and not just with mental health care. The thing about this that irks me is that with so many patients suffering damage or even dying as a direct result of medical malpractice, nothing gets done about it.
 
Warrior

Warrior

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#19
Yeah, the side effects have sometimes been incredibly dangerous. A lot of the medical "professionals" in my area are negligent and the local hospital keeps getting sued for it. I should not be surprised that I received bad "help." I've met very few doctors in my life that actually care and do their job correctly. Hell, I almost died twice from medication issues and negligence. I'm only twenty-two, so that is insane to even think about.
I had negligence done on me in the 80s and they over balanced the hormones of my brain and caused brain damage to the right side of my brain and you do have to be careful where doctors and specialist are involved..I've been thrown off 2 GP books besides a Rheumo telling them straight and i'm not keen on this rheumo especially when your sitting there and he's googling your complaint and then gives me Viagra :panic: Bl**dy idiot.
 
A

Amathe77

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Joined
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Messages
20
Location
USA
#20
Lucky you that you don't have to deal with waiting lists! In this area, there is such a need for therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists that even the ones that aren't so great sometimes have a waiting list. On top of that, they don't all take every type of insurance.

I would think you would be happy you took the counseling classes! It is good to really know when a therapist is doing something wrong, rather than the patient wondering if it's just themselves being crazy. You can be gaslighted by a therapist, you know.

Most of them don't take all insurances here, making the patient in-take a little lower. I'm sorry you have to deal with that! That sounds terrible.

I'm happy I took those classes, for various reasons. However, I can't help but wonder if life would be easier if I was blissfully living in ignorance, unaware of when they aren't doing their job or when they don't care. Clearly, they get away with it with other people or they wouldn't have a job still.