Me, Mental Illness and Society

GaryC123

GaryC123

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
90
It's kind of a sobering thought in some ways, I think to myself, if it came down to abandoning ship and there's one life boat and only room for one more person, do you save me, the bipolar guy who is a bachelor, doesn't have any kids and is pretty much lazy and good for nothing or do you save pretty much ANYONE and EVERYONE else before that?

The clear, rational answer seems to be that I ought to be the last one saved in any situation. Pretty much anyone and everyone else in society is more important and critical to society than I am. Same when it comes to pretty women, I look but I don't touch. I know the pretty ones are for the firefighters, soldiers and pretty much anyone else but my worthless ass.

I'm a couch potato, a failure and the lowest common denominator. Why do I even take up space on this planet? Some younger person with much more vitality and a better future would better use my space. But I take my space out of selfishness. I feel like I should give it up, but I won't. I won't because I'm selfish.
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
90
It's like I need to die someday. It's inevitable for me. How do I die with honor and not go out whimpering and begging? All I know how to do is whimper and beg. It's literally what I do every time I have a paranoid delusional episode and believe I'm about to die. I start whimpering and begging. I have no honor. I never served in the military. I never played sports. I've never been a "team player". In the words of one highly athletic "friend" I used to know, I couldn't "carry his jockstrap". I couldn't even qualify to hold the honor of being the "towel boy".
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
90
When the inevitable comes and I have to die. I just hope I don't go out whimpering like I do in my delusional episodes. I feel like I belong with the females or something. I'm not a "real man".
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
6,545
Location
NZ
That's sad you think of yourself this way. You are being really hard on yourself. Clearly you're struggling. I don't believe you're a waste of space, sounds to me that you are really depressed, and depression can make us think all sorts of irrational thoughts.
 
GaryC123

GaryC123

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
90
Thanks. I don't know if it's just the way I view things or where my views come from (whether I'm getting them from watching the news or whatever) but I generally feel pretty hopeless most of the time. I mean, things can always be worse, but I just don't see them getting better. In fact whenever there is the prospect of things getting better I usually self sabotage because I feel like I don't deserve things to be better.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
6,545
Location
NZ
You deserve better, and you do deserve to be well.
I could think or feel a lot of negative dark thoughts but I know if things are that bad then its depression making me feel that way.
Thinking things could be worse isn't useful at all, I believe all that does is being dismissive of our own struggles.

You are feeling this way, because you are and one can't compare their suffering against another's.
When I had a serious car crash fractured/dislocated my neck and other injuries people would comment how crook I looked or give me loads of sympathy etc....but I can tell you with %100 honesty it was a walk in the park to being mentally unwell.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
K Bipolar Forum 7
F Bipolar Forum 9
J Bipolar Forum 15
K Bipolar Forum 12
megirl Bipolar Forum 6

Similar threads


Top