me and alcohol again

megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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#1
Got some blood work done last month and one of my liver enzymes is elevated GGT which is normally related to gallstones or alcohol specifically.
And my protein level is also low.
I have stopped the alcohol, and trying to eat healthy stuff.
Its no wonder really that my levels are a bit fucked up, overdosing, all the meds I am on, drinking alcohol even with antabuse. I am totally to blame so hope fully looking after myself things will come right.

So thats my goal try to help myself and eat well and the sad thing is I feel so much better without alcohol.
Had the weekend to myself and caught up on a few jobs round the house and just cruised it was all good.

Anyway hope everyone is doing ok,

megirl :hug:
 
T

Taff

Guest
#2
hi there megirl:)
Sorry that I somehow missed this post earlier, I need to go to specsavers.;)
I thnk you should be really proud of what you have achieved there so far. Its sheer slog and determination to get as far as you have.
And listen up lass,:) i know you are saying that you are totally to blame, but thats not so. Something made you so unhappy to put you in a bad place, thats whats to blame.
All the good bits and the overcoming it all are your own. So respectamundo to you for that!
So be positive about how far you have come, and I hope that your progress continues. And if you have a slip now and then , well .....just climb back there. We are here too.
Best wishes:hug1: Taffy x
 
C

Callalily

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#4
Hey megirl. Some wise words by Taffy there.

I think you are doing really well, it must be really difficult to give up alcohol but I am pleased that you are feeling the benefits of feeling better without it. Sounds like you have had quite a productive weekend.
 
megirl

megirl

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#5
Havnt been on the forum much this last week or so.

Hey thank-you so much!! For your wonderful support and posts.
:hug:

Well the little devil is still on my shoulder, however I am taking the antabuse no matter what. Just mood bit weird atm. Not depressed maybe bit anxious and overwhelmed not too much but its just there. This job hope they keep me on permanetly.
Hope find out by end of the week.



My liver function test its just one that was ever so slightly high, only cos I was drinking.
I think it kind of made me think hard,

Antabuse is better on my system than alcohol.
Alcohol does fuck not only my mental state but it can cause all sorts of physical health issues.
So its like I need to fight with that little devil, I am winning atm.
Took antabuse this morning wanted not to take it but I have. I have the urge to drink by the end of the week... No..I am barganing with myself: I am going to go out with a friend for lunch on friday instead of buying that bottle of wine I can spend that money on lunch!!

Anyway thanks ever so much for the kind words
 
I

Ionasphere

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#6
Hey me girl as a recovering alcoholic. I know where your head is at. Have you ever been to AA. I was so dismissive at first but they have saved my life. Go online to Ulysses group of AA and all the literature is downloadable both PDF and audio.
 
E

Easy Rider

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#7
Megirl, this is one of my 'last battles' in my therapy- overcoming my problems with drink.

Binge drinking is an awful thing for people with bipolar to do and for me it's like the next day to maybe two days I have a hangover effect that is like a depressive episode and it takes a sauna / exercise and two nights sober and meds to get me back to stable and clear again.

I have since implemented a two pint maximum rule, or two mixed drinks and if out for a long night will drink cola or juices or non alc cocktails between them to space them out. I find I have a lot less problems doing this.

The other night I went to our weekly pool comp at a bar with a drinking/pool friend and just had a pineapple juice and a cola. It was fine actually and I found the way to get through it is 'mindfulness' and talking to people to fill that boredom, the standing around void we tend to fill with alcohol, so yeah talking to people, sitting back and taking stock - being in the situation objectively but not 'immediately in the situation' as we can tend to do, just too in the moment and not seeing the bigger picture and yeah just socializing, having low expectations, and enjoying my new e-cig and the pool helped me focus on other things than pouring booze down my neck.

I think we can get too 'intensely in the moment, in ourselves subjectively' and need to zoom out and focus on other things, notice other people when out and try other things to make the night fun instead of getting focused on the booze buzz and chasing it.

Also now if I drink at home, I mix say a wine cooler with the same amount of water and drink it slow, for the taste and slight relaxation rather than heavily drinking and I feel so much healthier.

of course you might want to, and my shrink might want me to give it up altogether and the only way to do that is to replace it with other healthier things, hobbies, activities, exercise etc.

I cannot do that completely and me and the shrink have a sort of silent agreement that I will only drink once a week at the weekend and have a two drink max and stretch them out with non alc drinks between them. I am learning a lot like how to socialize and talk to others (but having low expectations or I'll get frustrated and neck the booze to make me feel better, know what I mean?) instead of necking drinks, not following the infectious behavior of the 'party guys' that are drinking heavily, but myself drinking slowly and watching them slowly decline over the night and end up looking and acting like wrecks and being glad I feel healthy and alert, things like that.

So yeah I'm finding zooming out of myself, so to speak rather than being caught up in the immediate impulses and feelings and self, is helping me stay vigilant, experiment socially rather than relying on drink to have a good time is helping a lot.

If you're an at home drinker than obviously you need to cut way down or find new ways of relaxing.

good luck, it can be done and I'll admit it has taken me a year of periods of good control interspersed with several slip ups and fall backs to get to the two pint rule and enforcing it, but all I can say is once you make being healthier and better a primary goal, eventually you'll get there - even though you may slip up a few times, you still do it less - it's a learning process and like everything takes time and experience and experimentation.

So I had to change my outlook.

1. Small talk is boring and square people aren't worth talking to as they are boring, or people I don't immediately click with - no, I give them a chance and find sometimes that they can be interesting and I have to make effort too, not just expect immediate gratification from people.

2. If others are engaged in conversation and for a while you are not - do not go to the booze as a crutch, sit back and think, drink a non alc beverage, play a pub game, think of an idea for something, wait until you can get back in the conversation, have lower expectations

3. If the night is just not all that good - learn when to leave and go to bed feeling healthy. Often if the night was boring or I was tense and the night had not met my expectations I'd hit the booze train as a way of making it fun - bad idea. Instead now I think 'well this has been okay, not every night has to be or can be perfect, time to go now' and tell people 'Hey it was good seeing you and hanging out, but I'm tired and want to go home now, look forward to catching up with you again.' And then I go home and end up NOT leaving them the impression of the booze bender guy who gets out of control.

Think healthy and healthy will follow if you make effort and let it come.

Hope some of that helps and makes sense. :)

Don't beat yourself up over slip ups, but do try to keep not slipping up and a time will come (well it has for me) where new behavior kicks in and the old behavior no longer seems like what I want or need in my life if I'm to have a good life.

I'm going back to uni to do my MA soon and of course will meet new people and new social groups and I don't want to be 'that guy' anymore so have ten weeks left where I am practicing the new social me so when I get to uni, I will have more practice of it and will appreciate it and can go in feeling clear and aware of myself and my behavior so in parties or social situations, I know what triggers me and know how to avoid them and / or not react to them in bad ways.

Cheers.

ER.
 
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