Me again, boyfriend and trust

[Bathfiller]

I do feel that I’m writing here a lot, oh well.
Well I had yet another fight with him. I came home from work. I work in retail. And apparently I smelled like perfume. I don’t wear any myself. I couldn’t smell a thing on me. He ordered me to take a shower immediate when we got inside. And when I tried to explain that yes we do sell perfume, and people are trying tester there and so on. He didn’t believe me, sayd thinks two minutes and get your lies straight and then tell me the lies.
When I tried to continue with the story that I work with girls and we have in the back bunch of old testers and it was valentines day and someone may have put perfume on, I don’t know. I really don’t know how I smelled. Never have I before smelled after work. He sayd if I don’t shut up right now he’s gonna get dressed and go outside. So I stopped saying anything.
and now I don’t know what to do. I already have strong anxiety and I know I’m not well,I’m not happybut I am happy with him, I never ever wanna be without him.
I’m just so hurt and confused. I’m hurt that he’s hurting himself by believing what he comes up in his head. I’m hurt that this hurts me.
what advice anyone has? Anything?
Hopefully you had good weekend.

 

[Prettyroses99]

Wow is all I can say. I couldn't be with someone like your boyfriend.

 

[AndyRoo3279]

Whats his good points??

 

[JeanPierre]

Nothing you tell him will be enough.
He's damaged and you cannot fix that.

(Only he can do the work on himself)

 

[Bathfiller]

I know that nothing will be enough and he will believe whatever he thinks. I still wanna believe though that he will believe me. I’m right now in very confused state, what should I do to make him happy, how should I act. Should I now carry a camera everywhere I go and film everything. ? I don’t know. I just feel so sad that he can believe himself like that and be sad and slowly killing me with everything, when will he realise that I have chosen him and he’s the one and only for me, and I want to spend the rest of my days with him. Will he ever?
I’m sad and just so don’t know.

 

[JeanPierre]

I know that nothing will be enough and he will believe whatever he thinks. I still wanna believe though that he will believe me. I’m right now in very confused state, what should I do to make him happy, how should I act. Should I now carry a camera everywhere I go and film everything. ? I don’t know. I just feel so sad that he can believe himself like that and be sad and slowly killing me with everything, when will he realise that I have chosen him and he’s the one and only for me, and I want to spend the rest of my days with him. Will he ever?
I’m sad and just so don’t know.

I'm so sorry dear. I went through it more than once, too. Get too attached to inappropriate people.
At some point you will have to realize that this is both ridiculous and toxic.
Why in the world should that guy not believe you? Right?
What could you have possibly done to deserve this?

 

[JessisMe]

I’m sure you already do this but I would try reassuring him, telling him that you love him and choose to be with only him forever and such. I would also tell him how much his constant doubting has a very negative effect on you and ask him to stop. I am not sure what consequences you could provide if he does not stop but maybe you could think of some. Maybe just telling him that as much as you love him this behavior is a dealbreaker for you. Stand by it. It’s wonderful you have found somebody to love. I’m sorry that he doesn’t treat you better. xo, j

 

[Wishbone]

I see two problems here. 1) his own shortcomings, lack of trust etc. 2) your own overdependence on him.

His problems are becoming your problems and you're accepting them because you fear losing him, but many here would say "Why would you even put up with someone being controlling like that? Find someone better."

So, first of all I'd start with you, yourself. Why is it that you accept being treated this way? Why do you feel like you have to be the one to make him happy when he's the one being controlling? When you've got an answer to that, then you should move on to addressing his problem with him.

 

[celticlass]

I would move out. Not saying I would necessarily end the relationship but I would definitely have my own space to be safe in.

 

[Bathfiller]

So many replies. Thank you
He has now calmed down a bit.
I will make a doctors appointment today. There is so much to think about.
People who have been trough similar things, where do you find you strength, how do you cope.
I don’t wanna become just a numb person, I need to address this issue. If I suppress my feelings I suppress everything and I will become numb.
I just think I’m a coward, I’m afraid of everything. I don’t know.

 

[JeanPierre]

Is he violent? Does he hit you?

 

[Bathfiller]

Is he violent? Does he hit you?

No his not violent luckily.

 

[Bathfiller]

No his not violent luckily.

He does not smash things either or throw things in the heat of the moment. He may slam a door or two but that’s about it.

 

[Bathfiller]

I would move out. Not saying I would necessarily end the relationship but I would definitely have my own space to be safe in.

I do know if I would do something like that , it would be the end of the relationship too.

 

[Bathfiller]

I'm so sorry dear. I went through it more than once, too. Get too attached to inappropriate people.
At some point you will have to realize that this is both ridiculous and toxic.
Why in the world should that guy not believe you? Right?
What could you have possibly done to deserve this?

How are you so strong? And how do you avoid such people now?