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McFlie Syndrome

wishiwuzthar

wishiwuzthar

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Jan 2, 2008
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19
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Central E. Coast, US
Have you seen Back To The Future (1)? Marty's dad, in the past (1950's) that's me. I'm afraid of confrontations, in that I fear them beforehand, & I generally visualize the worst outcome(s). So, I stay silent & take it all in. May I describe tonight's fun?
Right now, my wife of 4 years can't get her pc to cooperate, so she's ticked off. She's in the kitchen right now cussing me out under her breath for something I had done days ago. I go in there & instead of standing up for myself, I meekly ask "are you alright, honey?" I am so ready to leave this person to her own devices!
Here's the deal. I work 7 nights a week for the past 5 years, my wife does not work, except to take care of her (formerly knocked up) daughter's child. She has had several days off, i.e. the child not coming here, the dishes are elbow high in the sink. She's in there cussing me out, when she has had plenty of time off, of which I have only "slots" of time off. Also, the frigging kid screams a lot on any day it's here & I lose sleep, which is very important should one be working nights.
Plus, in my home I have tried to set aside 1 room for my drums, but instead my wife's Christmas decorations have inundated that space. It's been 4 months, I can't even get to my instrument; let alone some of 2006 fragile decorations were laid on the floor next to my recording station. They're still there. But do I raise the roof? Nope. I just take another one on the chin.
It's to the point where my inner angst is going to have me saying some ugly things, should I begin communicating these feelings to her. I can feel the anger building as we speak, just thinking about all this.
So, how can I get myself to calm down? I need to heal this anger, but when I try to think about a solution, I instead think about the causes. I then get even more pissed off.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Try thinking of it as your drum room is the only space you ask to be yours and that she respects that. Say nicely that you want to play the drums but can't so can she shift the decorations. Say if she hasn't got time you'll do it but you're not as gentle with them as she is. If she doesn't shift them within a few days move them. Set boundaries and stick to them, all relationships need boundaries. One thing at a time, don't change the whole world at once. (Even I can't do that!) :flowers:
 
dunglen

dunglen

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Jan 31, 2008
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Scotland
I agree with Dollit try to negotiate some space for yourself.

I understand how you feel about confrontation as I too would rather keep quiet that stand up against someone else.

Good luck
 
singingdollydaydream

singingdollydaydream

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Feb 28, 2008
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156
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horley
Hi

That anger is going to explode soon, I can tell from your post.

Take Dollit`s advice, not good to have that anger bubbling away inside.

Be brave and calm :innocent:
 
daffy

daffy

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You do need to say something to your wife. Holding your emotions back like you are will do no go at all. Try to find a time when you wont be disturbed and do as suggested and tell her you need your own space back.

Why not suggest you take her grandchild out for a while so she can get on with the dishes etc. I know myself when my grandaughter has been round she makes a dreadful mess and as we get older we do not have the same amount of energy to keep running round after them and look after the house.

It could be that shes just as stressed out as you are and thats why she keeps on snapping at you
 
M

maudikie

Guest
McFilie syndrome.

Dollit's idea's a good one. I'd say if she basts off just go out for a walk. Certainly take the decorations down and have your own space. But also think about her - perhaps the noise of your drums gets her as frustrated and starts her shouting.:cool:Stay cool
 
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