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maybe I deserve this pain. it's punishment

sahasrara

sahasrara

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 17, 2012
Messages
414
Location
Dorset
I deserve all this pain and suffering. Punishment for past behavior. My life isn't going anywhere. I thought I had a future with my partner. One that involved a child that was both ours, one that had family days out and just generally being a family. We have spoken about it in the past. Never noticed the excuses before for why he dosnt want a child.
* we already have my son
* excuses about me loosing my independence if we have a baby, as my son is in school now.
* what if it's a girl
* money
* money and more money.
Currently feel like I'm going nowhere. The pain inside. Having someone be with you for, I don't even know what reason anymore.
All he wants to do is smoke weed. We don't have a life.
We quit before Xmas. I made the stupid mistake if smoking again and now we are right back to square one. I had to threaten to leave to get him to quit last time.
Is it really worth all this pain?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
I deserve all this pain and suffering. Punishment for past behavior. My life isn't going anywhere. I thought I had a future with my partner. One that involved a child that was both ours, one that had family days out and just generally being a family. We have spoken about it in the past. Never noticed the excuses before for why he dosnt want a child.
* we already have my son
* excuses about me loosing my independence if we have a baby, as my son is in school now.
* what if it's a girl
* money
* money and more money.
Currently feel like I'm going nowhere. The pain inside. Having someone be with you for, I don't even know what reason anymore.
All he wants to do is smoke weed. We don't have a life.
We quit before Xmas. I made the stupid mistake if smoking again and now we are right back to square one. I had to threaten to leave to get him to quit last time.
Is it really worth all this pain?

Is what really worth the pain hun? The relationship? Personally I doubt it but then Im the Opposite of the Happily Ever After BS.

Is life worth the pain? Usually. More often than not, even for someone as desperately unwell as myself.

I would just get pregnant anyway if I were you. Men come and go but your babies are yours forever.
 
M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
Hi sahasrara I'm in a similar position, my husband and I have been on the wagon for nearly two years (with 2 1 night relapses) and we started trying for a baby this year. His bipolar can be hard for him to deal with even on all the 'right meds' I think the stressfulnness of trying to get pregnant is effecting both of us to be honest and we slipped up this month. I am going to be 29 this year and I think of all the '30 things to do before you're 30' has kicked in. Like I need to go to Ibiza, Amsterdam etc. before I have kids. For him it's about the responsibility that comes with a baby, he wants to be a perfect dad sort of thing, which as we all know isn't possible.

It's been hard we have both slipped up this month but I get the fact that it's better to have your kids before 35 or there are greater risks for unborn child. So I would like to get pregnant this year or next and I know a lot of couples take a good few months to get pregnant, but I'm not willing to allow that if alcohol is still an issue! You know what I mean? I don't want a baby or child to suffer the childhood I or my husband endured ie. Alcoholic parents. ( both my dad and my husbands were alcoholics) and of course we inherited that addictive personality trait so it's really difficult.

I admit as much as I want a child there are times I cannot take responsibility for myself never mind a small person. So we've decided to wait a few months, get settled and instead of 'trying' see what happens.

I don't know if my experience has helped or hindered but that's the truth in my life, hopefully it will help with your decision.

Good luck

Marion

Ps. I have left people in my past because 'they weren't worth it' only for my BPD to rear its ugly head and convince me I NEED them. This has turned out to be untrue, BPD does bring up lonely and abandoned feelings but if you are strong enough to get past them you can flourish on your own. I was single for two years before I met my husband and I can honestly say although it was hard at the start, the freedom of not having to compromise or answer to anyone kicked in and I loved it! I think it healed me in a way and allowed me to choose if I wanted to be with someone rather than 'needed' to. That's just me though, everyone is different and I admit before I git used to it, being alone was really tough as I always jumped from relationship to relationship before.

X
 
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