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Maybe I am losing my mind?



New member
Dec 19, 2008
So, where to start? for fear of chatting your ears off..ill try to make this a simple and straighforward as possible. I am a 25 year old woman in a relationship with a 46 year old man. we have been together two years, he has an ex wife, and ex girlfriend or two, 5 children, and is a recovered cocaine addict. things started off rocky, he has always been possessive and over bearing but I always figured that was because of his age and he would mellow. well...two years later...i was wrong. lol
We recently moved to my home province where I am going to university. we decided to buy a house, and although things started off stressful I thought they would be ok....wrong again.
he recently lost his job, he claimed he got laid off, but he got fired. he was a handyman and didnt want to shovel snow so he just left. now he is after workers compensation because he claims he hurt his arm which is the real reason he isnt working anymore. and since then...things have just gotten ugly.

ahh..im babbling a bit arent i? lol. hard to sum up a few years in a few sentences...anyway. i was at work one night, and decided to have a few drinks with some coworkers. i called to let him know and his reply was
fu%k you and he hung up. only to call back half an hour later to hang up again. I went for dinner one night visiting a couple I know very well - I was there nanny for 5 years, and he called only to yell and scream at me for about 15 minutes...and to hang up. I went to work a few weeks ago and he accused me of going to get drunk, and lying to him because i didnt want him to come in and hang out until i was done. and the list of incidences goes on.

Now, in his defence, he has been very depressed lately, and when i try to confront these issues, he blames me. I have done something in every instance that has justified his behavior. Recently we have had a conversation and he told me that he is depressed and lonely, he hates our house, he hates living here, he is jealous of me because I am in school and I make friends easily (although I am not allowed to have friends...but that is another post), and he feels left out because I am too busy with my school work to pay attention to him.

This is just the tip of the iceburg, and I know this is all unhealthy, but I don't know how to get out. I told him I am not happy, and I told him he should leave, but we bought a house together...correction his money/my mortgage. If anyone has any ideas on how to handle the situation it would be greatly appreciated. It appears I need more that 'you need to leave' to make this over. He claims to still love me...but his actions do not compliment his words and I am tired of it all.

Thanks for any insight.


If you haven't got children why are you still there? If you have the mortgage on the property leave and sell it over his head. Being in that sort of situation with a partner makes us learn helplessness. It took me 8 years to get out of a bad marriage and 9 years to get out of my last relationship. It really is as simple as getting up and walking away but, unfortunately, it's never easy.


Well-known member
Dec 15, 2008
Hello Kris,

I was in a relationship pretty similar - I didn't have any children and he had an ex wife and two children - 11 years my senior and pretty intolerable to live with - obsessive, treated my like a possession. I didn't find it easy to leave at all even though I could see I should. He used to frighten me to death - I was really scared of him, he used to abuse me. In the end I took a job working away all week so I could get used to not having him around - I left eventually by just a phone call on the mobile as I dare not go back to confront him. Looking back I should have got out much sooner, but I felt that I owed it to myself to try and make things work and that I somehow had been responsible for how things were and that maybe just maybe I would be able to change him. I wish now I had had the courage to get out sooner.

Please if things are so bad just leave like Dollit suggests - walk away now

Good luck

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