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Mates depressed gf

S

scotlander

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Messages
3
One of my friends has been really negative since her boyfriended end up in hospital
for a month or so (has been out for a year now).
I find that in her company I am left feeling really drained by her negative attitude.
The little things have started to stand out aswell now. For instance she will always ask...
How was work...Crap?

Personally I feel the question should be
How was work...good?

If you try and poke a bit of fun (like we all do to each other in our group) she will complain
and take away from the laughter by giving an over logical answer in a serious to tone
to what was just a joke. creating an awkward silence.

Maybe im just nit picking here but she has started putting no at the end of questions.
For example....
Do you think it is a good idea, no?
Did you enjoy that, no?

....would it not sound better to use yes instead, "Did you enjoy that, yeah".


Occasionaly she can be positive, but that is few and far between due to her creating what I can
only see as a negative aura, I find the best way to dea with her is to ignore her negativty, go
off out with her boyfriend (whom ive know before herself), she will then usualy turn up in a better
mood.
However on that note, she seems to try to controll her partner, not letting him out without her
aproval, sheltering him from the real world. He may have been in hospital but he cant hide from
people he knew all his life, he is getting better and more sociable, and thats due to going out.
....maybe its me with the problem not her, but i dont think so.

She never used to be like this and I dont want to remove her from my life as as solution, any ideas on what I can do.
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Hi, you perceive your pals girl friend as being to negative ??
could she be upset and distressed by him going into hospital ??
Do you think she is to controlling of him, rather than just concerned for his welfare ??
can you be honest enough with her to discuss it without prejudging her to see what see says ??
But if you honestly feel she is such a "negative " person maybe for both your sakes you should avoid each other
at least for a while ??
I think you have to talk not prejudge her ??
 
S

scotlander

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Messages
3
I dont feel i am prejudging her, ive known her for years, this has only developed within the last year, she a mate, not a mates girlfriend. Most his family agree he needs encouraged to get out and not hide indoors.
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Sorry but the ball is in your court ??
You have to decide especially as she is a friend ??
Really can you not talk it out and help her if she needs it ??
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
Ah so..."The World of Women" - bitter, twisted, opinionated, stubborn, over bearing, one sided, no sense of humour, constant PMT, brick walled, etc etc ... welcome, we are nightmares at times. I can only apologise. :)

It (your friend) sounds a little anti-social towards you, if you don't me saying. But there's a lot of people with "issues" that seem to fester inside, and tumble out to the nearest and dearest. Tis a tough challenge. I can only comment as a woman myself, as I reckon its one way to approach it (plus I have experience of being one), but sometimes I act "defensive" with a lot of "no"s - when I feel threatened...It's pretty pointless, but I've done it in my time.

Maybe, if you feel you're going nowhere fast and it's causing you distress - a little distance may be needed to try and both thunk about stuff. I also think a letter, to a close friend is always an option too, just to say things out loud. You may never send it, who knows?

I know when energy drags you down...I have a panic button, that I wave around to people, when it's time out. (feeling dragged down or up can also be known as a type of/ or related to: transference : known in counselling circles)

Another ting (london slang btw), I always wanted my friends away when I went through a bad patch, and asked to be there at the other side of the tunnel. Not sure what I'm trying to get across, but sometimes we need a little space to try and sort a few things out, and if I'm told by a "friend" that I'm "out of order" and "they're sending me to coventry" for a while..I'd understand, that maybe things are not quite right in my world. I say this, as I've flipped countless times and I'm learning not to upset people - as I can be a tw_t.

just a thought to throw into the medley

best of luck...

ps Just re-read my answer, and it sounds like, she also needs to talk to someone about stuff. Mental distress in life, has an awful domino effect sometimes. adios for now.
 
S

scotlander

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Messages
3
Thanks for your replys folks, am going to talk to her, am going t also try and keep reminding myself not to be bothered, and if it dont work am going to create some distance for a while.

Cheers
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
That is great, hope it all works out, worry and anxiety can turn us into "demented parrots" sometimes we endlessly go on about woes and worries,
storms in tea cups ??
we all need a little breathing space from time to time ??
 
H

HeadSick

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2010
Messages
27
Location
U.S.
Thanks for your replys folks, am going to talk to her, am going t also try and keep reminding myself not to be bothered, and if it dont work am going to create some distance for a while.

Cheers
Sounds as if she's depressed too and its good not to take things that people who are sad do personally. If I had a dollar for every time I was a downer to someone or I treated someone unfairly because I felt bad I could pay off my house. Its not her fault if she can't stay positive during the bad times and it would be better to create distance between you rather than get frustrated and make her worse.
 
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