• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Many questions and no answers 😐

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Simon53

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Nov 17, 2014
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Hi there I am new to this forum and to being with someone with schizophrenia, for the last few months I have been seeing my gf knowing from the start that she had this illness to which I didn't care as I wanted to be with her for who she is.

At first things where good and she explained things that may happen etc yet I was unprepared for when she had a break down which required hospital and she cut me off, a few days later she met with me as she wanted to explain and it helped a lot and we agreed on a break so she could try and control what was happening. The break didn't last as she began seeing me again shortly after, I'm this time I had done some looking into being with someone and tips on how to try and help them. All was good until I went and put my foot in it after a night out when she just up and left with out saying anything leaving me feeling embarrassed when I got back from a loo break, I said how I felt the next day, she said sorry and has now cut me off again.

Should I just give her, her space and let it blow over or at least apologise to her for it? She has told me and shown me that she trusts me more than nearly everyone she knows and I really want a future with her and I really want to be her rock yet I have no one I can turn to for advise hence joining this forum.

I do have more questions and I hope none of them come across as silly questions


Any advice would be much appreciated.
 
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lovagemuffin

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I think you just need better communication tell her and ask her everything you just wrote.
 
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Simon53

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I'm worried she may push me away if I ask her to many questions tho, as we don't spend a lot of time together due to her home life,

What would you suggest I do about putting my foot in it as it were?

Would it help put her at ease even tho at the time I thought it was right to say something when maybe I shouldn't have
 
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Travie

Travie

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I was in your situation not that long ago so I know where you're coming from & I'm sure you got a thousand questions. My relationship didn't work out but i'll share some things I learn't from it and take what you feel might apply to you.

Sometimes she will need her space, schizophrenia can make the most simplest of task seem impossible and it can get extremely overwhelming extremely fast. When she cuts you off just send a message every so often reminding her you're still here, and tell how much you care about her or how much she means to you. If you bombard her with questions it'll only make things worse.

This is hard but, be empathetic and understand what she is potentially dealing with. When she's under pressure it'll show through her actions, being a boyfriend who is constantly putting expectations on her isn't something she'll be able to handle.

It may feel like she's not committing as much as you are, but trust me, she's trying her hardest. So saying stuff like, "you're not putting anything into this relationship" is a big no no. You're going to be the backbone of the relationship, though you probably knew that.

The thing about pushing her away could have been written by me! Just wait and let her slowly come out about these things. It will take a long time, but she needs to truly be able to trust you for her to feel safe sharing these things with you. She's scared you might think she's a freak which you don't but it's daunting for her to talk about these things.

I could go on forever aha but i'll leave it at that for now. If you have any questions or concerns i'll be more than glad to answer.

Welcome to the forum Mate, take care :)
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Welcome to the forum Simon53 :)
 
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Simon53

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Thank you for all the advice so far, it is already helping me feel better, Travie I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out, and yes I do have loads of questions it's just getting them out of my head and on to here. Like if her home life becomes less stressful would it help her be more stable?
 
Travie

Travie

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It definitely will! I'm sure anyone with a mental illness can agree when I say... it's draining to try and fit in all day. When you use all your energy to suppress your thoughts and emotions just so others think you're 'normal' (whatever that is), the last thing you want on your plate is more pressures. It's not her fault she cuts herself off from you, she physically just isn't capable of holding a conversation, it's too much for her to cope with.

Unfortunately I can't provide an answer on how to fix her home problems & I don't suggest you get involved unless it's absolutely necessary. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you both?

Anyway, I'll do my best to answer any questions you have, if you want me to elaborate on something i'll be more than glad too. I really don't want you to end up like me aha.
 
Travie

Travie

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Btw if there are is anyone reading this who can tell me how to get notified when someone posts in a thread that would be much appreciated :)
 
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Simon53

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Im 28 and she is 23, the short of it is, is she has 2 kids and is currently in the last stages of her divorce after being separated for a while, her ex husband knows of her illness and is there when things go wrong but at the same time he pushes her and makes things stressful which dont help. so it really is a pooey situation to be honest. she will be moving house in the next few weeks and will have a space she can call her own, and i'm hoping this will allow her to feel more stable at home as she will want to be there and have her own space when ever she needs it. i have def jumped in at the deep end here, yet just want to do what i can to have a relationship with her if its something she wants, and i think it is from the way she speaks and acts when she is relaxed and chilled
 
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Simon53

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Btw if there are is anyone reading this who can tell me how to get notified when someone posts in a thread that would be much appreciated :)
click on thread tools at the top and you can subscribe to the thread and i think youll get the notifications then
 
Travie

Travie

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Having her own place will definitely help the situation, and depending on how often she sees her kids will undoubtedly effect her mood. I found my relationship extremely unstable & difficult to manage & with her going through a divorce, things will be bumpy for a while. The reason my relationship failed was because I pushed it when she wasn't ready... so don't make that mistake, give her time & space but be as close to her as you can without being invasive.
 
Travie

Travie

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You're a good guy, you've dug way deeper than anyone I know. The responsibilities of 2 kids + schizophrenia will be overwhelming, it's nice to see someone who cares :)
Anything else you wanna ask aha?
 
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Simon53

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The kids live with her, so she has them 24/7 unless their dad decides hes going to have them but there is no set set weekends etc, so it stresses her out as she cant make plans, i know what you mean by being tired and not wanting a conversation as she will want to see me and we will just sit there and watch a film or something which i am quite happy with as i know she is always tired, and atm is having the issue of insomnia, so i have been trying not to stay late when ive seen her so she can at least try and sleep
 
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Simon53

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At this very moment the one thing I'm not sure now to approach is what to do after the weekend, should I appoligise for having a moan at her now I understand it's not really her fault, would it help put her at ease?

And also other than being surportive to her and not pushing is there anything else in general I can do to help her? She's very independent so I don't want to step on her toes yet also want to help out if she wants me to
 
Travie

Travie

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Apologies are always nice, but just make sure it doesn't sound like she's causing you problems when you do. I've never been good with apologies so aha I'm probably not the best person to be asking for advice on this one. You can help her by making sure she's on her meds, relieving some of the pressure when it's appropriate (e.g having the kids for a day or cleaning the house). The little things really do add up and she will appreciate it. That's all I can think of right now, it post more about this if anything else comes to mind.
Anything else? I'm more than happy to keep answering haha hope I'm helping :)
 
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