Manipulative ex?

B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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Sep 28, 2018
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33
#1
Hi All

My boyfriend broke up with me mid July. He said it was because of his mental health problems. We were about to move in together and he got cold feet. I took it off the table and said it was fine, we didn’t have to do it. He seemed to spiral to the point where he could hardly talk to me. He came over and it appeared like he was a zombie. He broke it off, I agreed as I just wanted him to get better. We had sex. He left.

The following 5 weeks involved a lot of talking and confusion. Promises that he just has to sort his shit out. He was still there for me. We told each other “I love you”. He called up and we had phone sex. I was also still looking after his dog (had her for the past 5 months).

Mid August came around and he came to pick his dog up. He sent a message saying that he was going to come up on the weekend and if it was ok if he came and picked her up. No worries. What day? Saturday (which confused me cause saturday is the weekend. Thinking that maybe he was going to stay). That night I called him and asked if he saw a future relationship with me. He then started talking about how all his ex’s shitted on him and I asked if he preferred to be single where he replied yes. I was fine with that, even though I was a bit upset.

So he came over on Saturday morning and he apologised for not being able to stay. We had a nice chat. Then he gave me the biggest bear hug and I got a little upset. It lasted a couple of minutes. We then walked outside with his dog and I said goodbye. He then gave me another amazing hug, peck on the lips and then we held hands for about 10 seconds. He thanked me for everything and told me that he will chat to me during the week etc.

We had a few conversations but they were mainly when he wanted me to do something for him or if I initiated the conversation.

What I did wrong was that the day he broke up with me, I saw him send a text to someone with a love heart and kiss emoji. He saw that I saw and said that it was to a male friend of his and they were mucking around the previous night telling each other they loved each other. I didn’t say anything. Then we were sitting on the couch and I saw 2 photos. One said “his itital loves her initials” and “I love you”. I was confused. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. 3 days later I noticed he added a chick to social media with these initials. I continued to find excuses for him and justify it in my heAd. It drove me crazy.

Fast forward to last week and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told him about what I saw in the car. He said that it was nothing, just his godfathers daughter having a tough time. I pretty much apologised.

Then a few days later he deleted and blocked me from Instagram. A week after he blocks me from Facebook.

During this whole time my mental health has gone downhill. Now I wish I didn’t ask him but at the same time I feel like I may have caught him out to not be the person I thought he was. I am really confused. I have a psych appointment on Thursday. My family and friends have been amazing. I feel completely used and manipulated. I don’t even believe that his mental health was the real reason he broke up with me. He is too gutless to even give me a straight answer on anything.
 
W

Wake Me Up

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Joined
Apr 23, 2018
Messages
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#2
I can relate to having a manipulative ex.

I'm pretty certain that he used you and he's a POS.

You're going to be on a bumpy ride for a while, I can't say how long. Keep your friends and family close. Keep doing things that make you happy or keep you busy.
Seeing a therapist is a great idea. If you need to get in more often, you should let the therapist know this, they can usually work something out with you. There are also grief counselors.

I can't promise that you'll (bluntly) "get over it", I am confident to tell you that life does go on. It's possibly going to hurt every now and then, but life does go on.
Take the time that you need, do what you gotta do (in a healthy manner) to heal.

:hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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#3
Hi,
I'm so sorry for you, he did use you. Glad you have supportive friends and family.
Here to listen anytime.
Take care
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#4
I think he did too. It really hurts. He discarded me the second he drove off that last time. I have been nothing but nice and supportive since the break up and the second I confronted him about that one thing, he showed his true colours. I have a line up of people who are ready to kick his ass lol. Unfortunately I am the kind of person that can be taken advantage of really easily. He knows that as well.

I started seeing a psych and have only had 1 session. I have another this week and will lay it all out like I did on here. My head is just all over the place. The mixed signals he sent really messed with me. Which was probably part of his plan. I am suppose to be trying to find a new job but I just can’t at the moment. I am lucky my old employer knows what’s going on and has asked me to temp for a few weeks.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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Messages
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#6
Thank you. I felt a lot of responsibility and wished that I didn’t ask. My psych today said that I did nothing wrong. He is covering his tracks as he has been confronted about it. He said that he might come back when he wants something else. Guess that’s the pattern of a user. He said that I was emotionally manipulated. It was good to hear what a professional says.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#8
I am just really angry at the way he has treated me. I held back with saying anything about how I was feeling because of his mental health. I walked on eggshells after we broke up. I don’t know how to get this anger out. I just hate having to deal with the depression and anxiety as well. I can’t believe someone messed with my head like this.
 
E

exyz

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Jun 14, 2017
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#9
I'm really so sorry. It's ok to be angry, but don't be angry at yourself.:)
I am glad that you spoke to your psych, well done.

There is a saying, " when someone shows you who they are, believe them". You have definitely had a lucky escape there although it hurts like hell at the moment.

Be kind to yourself, you sound lovely and caring. You will come through this, I like Tilta's idea of thinking of him in the rear view mirror. He'll eventually get smaller and smaller till he is a spot on the horizon.

For now, take it easy, treat yourself, and we are here to listen and support.:hug1:

Oh ... I'd delete him from social media and block him on your phone. He's manipulative, and unkind. You don't need toxic people around you x
 
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B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#10
Thank you so much for all your support. It has been a hard time. I have found that writing it out has helped me. I wish I had the guts to tell him everything that I am feeling and what I saw. It has really been eating me up.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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#11
Write him a letter letting it all out and then do not send it. Hang on to it for a few days and re-read it to remind you that he isn't for you & then throw it away or burn it.

He cannot be trusted with your feelings and thoughts. It would be ammo to him.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#12
My letter is amazing. I just have to believe that karma will get him. He always told about how hard done by he was when it came to his ex’s but I don’t know if I should believe that now. My head is such a mess because of his games. I don’t even know if he realised when he has done to me. He probably doesn’t care anyway as he discarded me. Sorry, I am having a hard day today.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#13
Today I am regretting asking him about what I saw. I wish he was still in my life. I have now gone 2 weeks of no contact. I am going to go another 2 weeks and send my letter off. I have been feeling so anxious and wish I was someone that could just pick up the phone and confront someone and sort things out. I am not good at communication when it comes to confrontation. I find apologising awkward.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#15
thank you. I have tried to keep my mind occupied by cooking and learning how to do some beading and painting.
No contact is hard hey. I actually wish I had done it sooner as I don’t think I would be as confused as I have been.
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

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#17
That’s a good idea. I did that today in my journal so I’ll start to do that.