
tonysawicki
Member
TW: discussion of binge-eating and food
I'm still experiencing the desire to gorge myself on food, but I'm resisting. I'm buying small, singular items, whenever I would otherwise be bingeing. I've got 2 weeks of meals prepared in advance. Sometimes I double my dinner portions impulsively, but not every night-- plus, I know many people who do this occasionally, and not in a disordered manner, so I'm not too worried about the very occasional instance of eating more. I'm keeping myself controlled, I'm not slipping into dangerous territory. I also don't want to go cold turkey, because I tried that, and it didn't work.
I'm eating a good amount, now. And I know that this is the case, because I don't feel shame. I don't feel the discomfort of a bloated, overstuffed stomach. I don't feel so ill I want to puke.
I feel good!
I can't be around people when they're eating, because it makes me think of food, which is a trigger for me. If my flatmate is eating food that I can smell, I'll leave the room. If they're eating food that I can't smell, I'll put on headphones so I don't hear them eating. Small tactics like this are really helpful in keeping my mind occupied with other things.
I think this will be an ongoing journey. I don't think I'll be "cured" of my ED until years of healthy behaviour have shifted my foundational habits. And that's okay. I've accepted that. I suffer from an eating disorder, and it does not rule me. It affects me, it is a part of me, but it doesn't dominate me. I feel powerful.
I'm still experiencing the desire to gorge myself on food, but I'm resisting. I'm buying small, singular items, whenever I would otherwise be bingeing. I've got 2 weeks of meals prepared in advance. Sometimes I double my dinner portions impulsively, but not every night-- plus, I know many people who do this occasionally, and not in a disordered manner, so I'm not too worried about the very occasional instance of eating more. I'm keeping myself controlled, I'm not slipping into dangerous territory. I also don't want to go cold turkey, because I tried that, and it didn't work.
I'm eating a good amount, now. And I know that this is the case, because I don't feel shame. I don't feel the discomfort of a bloated, overstuffed stomach. I don't feel so ill I want to puke.
I feel good!
I can't be around people when they're eating, because it makes me think of food, which is a trigger for me. If my flatmate is eating food that I can smell, I'll leave the room. If they're eating food that I can't smell, I'll put on headphones so I don't hear them eating. Small tactics like this are really helpful in keeping my mind occupied with other things.
I think this will be an ongoing journey. I don't think I'll be "cured" of my ED until years of healthy behaviour have shifted my foundational habits. And that's okay. I've accepted that. I suffer from an eating disorder, and it does not rule me. It affects me, it is a part of me, but it doesn't dominate me. I feel powerful.