Managing to control my impulses (positive post)

[tonysawicki]

TW: discussion of binge-eating and food

I'm still experiencing the desire to gorge myself on food, but I'm resisting. I'm buying small, singular items, whenever I would otherwise be bingeing. I've got 2 weeks of meals prepared in advance. Sometimes I double my dinner portions impulsively, but not every night-- plus, I know many people who do this occasionally, and not in a disordered manner, so I'm not too worried about the very occasional instance of eating more. I'm keeping myself controlled, I'm not slipping into dangerous territory. I also don't want to go cold turkey, because I tried that, and it didn't work.

I'm eating a good amount, now. And I know that this is the case, because I don't feel shame. I don't feel the discomfort of a bloated, overstuffed stomach. I don't feel so ill I want to puke.

I feel good!

I can't be around people when they're eating, because it makes me think of food, which is a trigger for me. If my flatmate is eating food that I can smell, I'll leave the room. If they're eating food that I can't smell, I'll put on headphones so I don't hear them eating. Small tactics like this are really helpful in keeping my mind occupied with other things.

I think this will be an ongoing journey. I don't think I'll be "cured" of my ED until years of healthy behaviour have shifted my foundational habits. And that's okay. I've accepted that. I suffer from an eating disorder, and it does not rule me. It affects me, it is a part of me, but it doesn't dominate me. I feel powerful.

 

[Mayflower7]

Thank you for sharing your story, well done as well.

 

[bpd2020]

Congratulations! You have worked so hard to implement many changes in order to tackle your binging. I was not able to put any strategies into practice until I had therapy at an eating disorder clinic. You should feel proud.

 

[tonysawicki]

Thank you for sharing your story, well done as well.

No worries, and thank you!!

 

[tonysawicki]

Congratulations! You have worked so hard to implement many changes in order to tackle your binging. I was not able to put any strategies into practice until I had therapy at an eating disorder clinic. You should feel proud.

Thank you!! It helps that I've been through years of therapy for other reasons, and I'm very familiar with the landscape of my own mental health. I'm at a bit of an advantage, there. Admitting that I had an ED was the hardest part. My mother had one, so I'm very familiar with how to cope... and how not to cope. She never dealt with her eating issues, which is part of the reason I was raised so unhealthily.

Anyway- you should be proud, too! We all deal with our issues differently, and at a different pace. Going to an ED clinic is an awesome step in itself.