Management of Emotions Diary

Pixie37

Pixie37

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#1
Sorry to start another thread :redface:

My 1st session with my nurse went ok today. Shes explained that i feel things more intensely and they last for longer cause i have bpd.

I have to keep a management of emotions diary for the next 2 weeks. I have to record everytime i get upset what state or emotion i am having. Aswell as say what i did and if it was destructive or constructive. And say what could be constructive instead.

I've already filled 2 states.
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#2
I'm finding this hard and a bit upsetting filling in this diary. Becoming aware that the way i cope with emotions and emotional states is destructive. I've never been taught how to cope with them. And i can't even come up with something constructive to do instead. I'm at a loss and getting overwhelmed. I don't really understand thoughts and feelings. Guess thats why i have to do this. I want to just go to my bed now cause i feel so crap. My nurse would say this is destructive/unskillful. :(
 
dib4uk

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#3
Sorry to hear that, and why are u appologising for starting a new thread. Its normal to be overwhelmed with so much emotions at once, sometimes im sad and happy at the same time for no reason. But im a bit weird lol.
 
maxitab

maxitab

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#4
Pixie, you have evolved these so called 'unskilled' ways of being when you were too small/lonely/overwhelmed/hurt/invalidated/put down. At the time you adopted these ways of being, they saved your life, were the only option open to you and have, in the past served you well. You are deserving of no blame or shame, and the nurse ought to have said that too....I am sorry she didn't.

Bringing awareness to the fact that these are no longer useful to you now is not just hard, it is also incredibly useful....if you don't know you are doing something you can't change it. Please, this is a huge step for you. Give yourself a big well done for surviving and managing, and for now having the courage to set out on this new adventure......all my encouragement and congratulation......
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#5
Thanks maxi :hug:
yeah i think my nurse said something along those lines a while ago. She did say i've not to worry if i'm doing destructive things just now. That my 1st step is to just record whats going on. And yeah its hard but helpful.
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#6
I went totally suicidal this morning at about 10am. I was sad, hurt, angry, hopeless basically overwhelmed. I broke down and cried and just wanted to take all my tablets. I phoned the day hospital but my nurse not there cause of snow. Had to speak to another nurse. I agreed i'd write things down, phone a friend, do some house work, use my safety plan and phone her back if i need to...boy did i struggle with this...and how the F is distraction going to help?
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#7
I just sobbed for ages. Then i wanted to throw things. Then i wanted to sh. But i forced myself to write in my diary and sobbed some more. Then i forced myself to put a washing on and do some ironing. Still thinking "distraction doesnt help me" then i forced myself to look at my safety plan. Then make lunch. Then my support worker cancelled for today. Told her i was fine. I dont know how i'm supposed to keep fighting these suicidal thoughts.
 
maxitab

maxitab

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#8
Hi Pixie.....hope you are safe and not in so much turmoil.....am thinking of you as always.
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#9
Thanks maxitab and yeah i'm still safe and distracting myself its hard work. Need to fill the diary in soon. Theres 2 further excersises in it where i have to list my main emotional and behavioural problems. The other one i have to set goals which is impossible when i'm so low and lost interest in everything.
 
A.m.b.e.r

A.m.b.e.r

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#10
Hey Pixie, sorry to hear that you are feeling down. :(

Have you checked out the Arcade on this site ... i find it to be the best distraction for me and sooooo addictive !
 
Pixie37

Pixie37

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#11
I have to complete the 2 other exercises today cause i see my nurse again on Friday. I've been recording my emotional states for nearly 2 weeks. Been in so many different states and half of my behaviour is destructive and other times i've just fought not to be destructive. Dreading showing my nurse. Have a feeling she will say more of it is unskillful.
 
maxitab

maxitab

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#12
If she does try telling her that it is not unskillful to be a learner....and that we learn best by making mistakes, and that if that is the most skilful thing she has to say maybe she would be better off doing a little more training. Or you can print this post and hand it to her.......
One of the aims of DBT is to actively diminish the blocks to becoming skillful. You don't do that by just pointing it out to people.
 

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