Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD)

MDgal

MDgal

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Moscow
#1
Hi everyone!

I've had MD since I think 3-4 years old, when I met my best friend and we had a very toxic relationship. I did not have any other friends and spent time only with this girl. My parents were also very controlling and I felt trapped all the time.
I used MD as a coping mechanism. There, in the world that I created, I was the rebel with all the superpowers in the world, a superhero, an orphan with cool friends and amazing boyfriend/husband. My trigger was music + moving in some way, mostly jumping but I could also swing on a swing. Later I realized I am also able to daydream in any moving vehicle (car, train, plane) and also while walking - if I have headphones with music in, I am always at risk.

I tried to quit many times, but it's like an addiction. I also have diagnosed OCD, which makes me self harm, and also have intrusive thoughts, and anxiety. I take medication. However, MD doesn't go away.
Recently I made another attempt to stop. It's been about a week. However, I am facing the problem I face every time I try to quit -
See, when I want to daydream I get this light feeling in my chest, as though there is a bulk of light that is trying to rip my chest and get outside, it is an uncomfortable feeling and so far this bulk only goes away if I daydream. I do not know what will be as effective with coping with this light. I think it might be just all my emotions turned into a physical feeling, I often experience that my emotional pain turns into physical pain.
Did anybody have the same experience?
I honestly don't know what to do.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A

angels egg

Guest
#2
I have this too. I daydream all the time. In my daydreams, I also have superpowers or I live in a fictional universe and can talk to my favorite fictional characters. Whenever I listen to music, especially when I'm in a car or something (like you said) I daydream nonstop. I actually love daydreaming because it helps me escape from reality. But it hurts that my daydreams are not real. I wish I could be in my favorite fictional worlds and sometimes it's hard to cope with that. But I would miss my family.

The only thing that stopped me from daydreaming so much is my constant anxiety and depression. Now I'm too worried about real life.
 
MDgal

MDgal

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Moscow
#3
I have this too. I daydream all the time. In my daydreams, I also have superpowers or I live in a fictional universe and can talk to my favorite fictional characters. Whenever I listen to music, especially when I'm in a car or something (like you said) I daydream nonstop. I actually love daydreaming because it helps me escape from reality. But it hurts that my daydreams are not real. I wish I could be in my favorite fictional worlds and sometimes it's hard to cope with that. But I would miss my family.

The only thing that stopped me from daydreaming so much is my constant anxiety and depression. Now I'm too worried about real life.
I see you!!! When I was a kid I would give everything to just live in my daydream but now I kind of accepted that my dreams are not real and will never be real. Ultimately, they are just a projection of my pain. They stem from hurt and fear, for me, and I think they prevent me from growing fully in the real world. That’s why I want to stop MD as much as possible.
 
S

Spaz119

New member
Joined
Jun 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Pa
#4
Hi everyone!

I've had MD since I think 3-4 years old, when I met my best friend and we had a very toxic relationship. I did not have any other friends and spent time only with this girl. My parents were also very controlling and I felt trapped all the time.
I used MD as a coping mechanism. There, in the world that I created, I was the rebel with all the superpowers in the world, a superhero, an orphan with cool friends and amazing boyfriend/husband. My trigger was music + moving in some way, mostly jumping but I could also swing on a swing. Later I realized I am also able to daydream in any moving vehicle (car, train, plane) and also while walking - if I have headphones with music in, I am always at risk.

I tried to quit many times, but it's like an addiction. I also have diagnosed OCD, which makes me self harm, and also have intrusive thoughts, and anxiety. I take medication. However, MD doesn't go away.
Recently I made another attempt to stop. It's been about a week. However, I am facing the problem I face every time I try to quit -
See, when I want to daydream I get this light feeling in my chest, as though there is a bulk of light that is trying to rip my chest and get outside, it is an uncomfortable feeling and so far this bulk only goes away if I daydream. I do not know what will be as effective with coping with this light. I think it might be just all my emotions turned into a physical feeling, I often experience that my emotional pain turns into physical pain.
Did anybody have the same experience?
I honestly don't know what to do.
 
S

Spaz119

New member
Joined
Jun 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Pa
#5
Hi. I Can’t believe I found a bunch of people like me! I have done this for as long as I can remember. Similar to you, I had very controlling parents (mostly my mother). I was an only child and my only real friend was my cousin who lived 2 hours away.
I find the only time I don’t do it is like the one reply about real life causing severe anxiety.
The sad thing is I’m 52 and I still do it. It really was supposed to be a way of coping with my situation until my real GREAT life took over. You know, this great life I imagined. Never happened.
I can’t say I haven’t been able to function in life. I graduated from college and had a great paying job. Just got laid off. Oh, and my dog died. I’ve got the makings of a great country song here. Lol!
I still live with my father. I do have a boyfriend but I still daydream.
The odd thing is that most times I’m not even me ( I’m a girl) in the daydreams. I actually imagine life as a strong man who can handle everything in the world that comes his way. Go figure.
Besides making me sad later on (because of course none of this can come true), I still enjoy doing it.
I’ve always lived two lives. The one in reality and the one along side where I get the great guys, etc.

I also use music and car rides, etc.
I think it would be great if there really were Holodecks like in Star Trek so we could act out some of these daydreams. Real life sucks anyway 😞

Yours in MD
 
S

Spaz119

New member
Joined
Jun 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Pa
#7
Wow. I can’t believe this! Thanks for sharing 🙂