Making new friends

A

AquaGuy

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Aug 31, 2018
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Does treating someone you want to befriend like they are already your friend, does it help at all?

My driving instructor mentioned that he likes ice hockey, which I have a slight interest in. We don’t talk much since he doesn’t want to distract me from driving, but I do try to talk when I can focus safely, and he asks questions back, even if I ask closed ended questions he’ll reply with more than a sentence sometimes, so either he’s just being a super friendly instructor on purpose or he at least doesn’t mind talking to me. I ask him a lot of questions to get him talking about himself and I don’t think he minds particularly but feel like he might get a little suspicious if I just randomly bring up ice hockey when I haven’t mentioned it to him since that one random mention of it. He might think I’m copying him or whatever.
I wrote this on a different forum and since then have asked him where he plays and stuff, and now feel stupid for that since I was looking at joining some rec ice hockey teams exactly where he said he plays, so if I just turn up he’ll think I’m copying him won’t he?
Anyway, I want to ask him more about ice hockey, and want to ask if he can give me any tips for how to begin playing, etc, as well as potentially asking him if he’d consider it beyond the professional boundaries of his job to come and see a game with me, as he likes to keep it professional which I find both irritating and understandable.
I just don’t know how to do any of that without coming across as obsessive or too needy or too full-on, etc. I don’t expect to make friends with him (I’m 24 and he’a 39) due to the age age gap, although personally I see no problem with the age gap since It’s not like I’m 16 trying to befriend a 30 year old...you know?
The truth is, I am kind of needy for friendship but I don’t get many opportunities to try and make new friends because I don’t get out much besides work and people at work clearly don’t want to be friends since after 2 years of me trying and in college before that, where I made 1 new friend since high school, nothing has happened.
I’m even thinking of asking him for a drink after all the lessons.
Thanks.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I dont see a problem with you and him becoming friends, whether after the lessons have finished or before would be up to both of you.

The ice hockey thing, i feel you would be treading on dodgy ground turning up to where he plays, particularly as up until now you havent had ice hockey lessons before or anything.
 
S

SPACECRAFT

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Joined
Jul 27, 2019
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6
Location
Essex
Does treating someone you want to befriend like they are already your friend, does it help at all?

My driving instructor mentioned that he likes ice hockey, which I have a slight interest in. We don’t talk much since he doesn’t want to distract me from driving, but I do try to talk when I can focus safely, and he asks questions back, even if I ask closed ended questions he’ll reply with more than a sentence sometimes, so either he’s just being a super friendly instructor on purpose or he at least doesn’t mind talking to me. I ask him a lot of questions to get him talking about himself and I don’t think he minds particularly but feel like he might get a little suspicious if I just randomly bring up ice hockey when I haven’t mentioned it to him since that one random mention of it. He might think I’m copying him or whatever.
I wrote this on a different forum and since then have asked him where he plays and stuff, and now feel stupid for that since I was looking at joining some rec ice hockey teams exactly where he said he plays, so if I just turn up he’ll think I’m copying him won’t he?
Anyway, I want to ask him more about ice hockey, and want to ask if he can give me any tips for how to begin playing, etc, as well as potentially asking him if he’d consider it beyond the professional boundaries of his job to come and see a game with me, as he likes to keep it professional which I find both irritating and understandable.
I just don’t know how to do any of that without coming across as obsessive or too needy or too full-on, etc. I don’t expect to make friends with him (I’m 24 and he’a 39) due to the age age gap, although personally I see no problem with the age gap since It’s not like I’m 16 trying to befriend a 30 year old...you know?
The truth is, I am kind of needy for friendship but I don’t get many opportunities to try and make new friends because I don’t get out much besides work and people at work clearly don’t want to be friends since after 2 years of me trying and in college before that, where I made 1 new friend since high school, nothing has happened.
I’m even thinking of asking him for a drink after all the lessons.
Thanks.
Well, no you are looking for ways to socialize. When you are kind of alone and you see anpther creature of the same species as you not being, you want to join them , so quit being shy and worry about it! There is nothing wrong with making friends, having interests, joining conversations however you like
 
A

AquaGuy

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Aug 31, 2018
Messages
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Thanks. So, I’m curious what you think about this:

I stupidly asked instructor where he plays, and I was planning on joining a hockey rec team where he plays, the same day, same time just coincidently. I looked through their Facebook group to see who played, you know, and my instructor plays there.
So, if I went there would it look weird? I don’t want him to think I’m following him because not only do I keep asking for more lessons (because I want to learn quicker) bit now I turn up there...? Not sure how it’d look to him...

Thanks. You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to. I’m kind of just asking loads of different people, my mate seems to think it’s fine...
 
A

AquaGuy

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Joined
Aug 31, 2018
Messages
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I dont see a problem with you and him becoming friends, whether after the lessons have finished or before would be up to both of you.

The ice hockey thing, i feel you would be treading on dodgy ground turning up to where he plays, particularly as up until now you havent had ice hockey lessons before or anything.
Thanks.
 
S

SPACECRAFT

Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Essex
Thanks. So, I’m curious what you think about this:

I stupidly asked instructor where he plays, and I was planning on joining a hockey rec team where he plays, the same day, same time just coincidently. I looked through their Facebook group to see who played, you know, and my instructor plays there.
So, if I went there would it look weird? I don’t want him to think I’m following him because not only do I keep asking for more lessons (because I want to learn quicker) bit now I turn up there...? Not sure how it’d look to him...

Thanks. You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to. I’m kind of just asking loads of different people, my mate seems to think it’s fine...
Sure I know I can ignore it m8! You dont ask for too much when you post something, so dont be so conscious or worry of being too much/needy. Actually I think thats what you need to deal with right now, and other problems that you have. Your moves to socialize werent bad, and you are doing fine. See? it wasnt that bad making new friends... You dont have to act in a certain way, and dont worry too much about what the instructor thinks of you. His opinion is not all that matters, and you will meet more people to be friends with , not just your instructor( although he could be your friend too). Acting friendly is not a bad thing, if it helps you then its good
 
C

Confusedandanxious

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May 5, 2019
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316
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Uk
You cant change how people think, so even if he was to think of it as strange or anything...would it really matter?

What you are doing, you are doing for you. Starting a group where you can engage in something you like, as well as making new friends. So he goes there, too. On the plus side you know somebody there to help give you a bit more confidence.

Think of him as your stepping stone.
Hopefully he becomes a friend too, but if not he has been your stepping stone towards making new friends.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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Nowhere
yes I dont see a problem with that either ,
its a coincidence , then that will probably come across that way
and its not like there are thousands of hockey groups in your area to choose from !

maybe also cast your net wider,
I think looking for the right friends
we need to sift through an awful lot of people

:grouphug:
 

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