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Making/Keeping Friends...

GlitterAndTwisted

GlitterAndTwisted

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
13
Location
United Kingdom
So does anyone else find that being a sufferer of BPD that it’s really hard to maintain friendships?
I mean, I don’t know if it’s because of the paranoia in the sense of you always feel like such hard work or a burden and therefore must be difficult to be around and be friends with and because that plays on your mind it’s almost as if you talk yourself out of having or being friends with people.

I just get so lonely and see people who have these amazing friendships and are always out for coffee or just hanging out and I feel as though I don’t have people to do that with and some days, the feeling of not having friends or people that like me, cripples me and it hurts so much I can’t think of anything else. I just feel like I must be a really bad and shitty person and I understand why people don’t want to be around me.

Am I alone in this? (Oh the irony 😂)
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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Jul 9, 2019
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somewhere between here and there
I mean, I don’t know if it’s because of the paranoia in the sense of you always feel like such hard work or a burden and therefore must be difficult to be around and be friends with and because that plays on your mind it’s almost as if you talk yourself out of having or being friends with people.
I don't have BPD, but I can relate, because what you are saying is common to people with all kinds of mental health issues, and it's true for people who have only physical disabilities. It is natural to worry about how your illness affects others. It just goes to show that you have a conscience!
 
GlitterAndTwisted

GlitterAndTwisted

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
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Location
United Kingdom
I guess it’s relatable from many aspects of illness, so may not just be down to having BPD but having BPD in itself creates volatile and unstable relationships, of all types.
But it is comforting to know that there are people from all walks of life who feel the same way.

Oh I’m more than aware of my conscience 😂 It’s mostly what keeps me up at night. But I forever feel like a shitty person and not worthy of having friends. Thank you for your input though :hug:
 
G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,331
I guess it’s relatable from many aspects of illness, so may not just be down to having BPD but having BPD in itself creates volatile and unstable relationships, of all types.
But it is comforting to know that there are people from all walks of life who feel the same way.

Oh I’m more than aware of my conscience 😂 It’s mostly what keeps me up at night. But I forever feel like a shitty person and not worthy of having friends. Thank you for your input though :hug:

I don’t think the bpd directly causes this, more so that we tend to attract and be attracted to the same types of people like the ones who raised us, we aren’t cognizant that their behaviour is wrong or maladaptive. Because we don’t know any better, or we have grown complacent with accepting only superficial relationships. There’s far less pressure with superficial relationships, but likewise when the kaka hits the fan, you can’t be surprised that they’re not there for you.

Through therapy and self work you begin to recognize these issues in others and then you have to consciously purge them and work on developing relationships with people who are more stable and have a strong sense of self.
 
A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
So does anyone else find that being a sufferer of BPD that it’s really hard to maintain friendships?
I mean, I don’t know if it’s because of the paranoia in the sense of you always feel like such hard work or a burden and therefore must be difficult to be around and be friends with and because that plays on your mind it’s almost as if you talk yourself out of having or being friends with people.

I just get so lonely and see people who have these amazing friendships and are always out for coffee or just hanging out and I feel as though I don’t have people to do that with and some days, the feeling of not having friends or people that like me, cripples me and it hurts so much I can’t think of anything else. I just feel like I must be a really bad and shitty person and I understand why people don’t want to be around me.

Am I alone in this? (Oh the irony 😂)
I could have written this myself. I cry because im so lonely but when i try and make friends, im sat replaying conversation over and over like a broken record afterwards chastising myself for things ive said, thinking they must think im stupid or an idiot. Its a viscous cycle for me and ultimately i feel so lonely.
 
GlitterAndTwisted

GlitterAndTwisted

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
13
Location
United Kingdom
I could have written this myself. I cry because im so lonely but when i try and make friends, im sat replaying conversation over and over like a broken record afterwards chastising myself for things ive said, thinking they must think im stupid or an idiot. Its a viscous cycle for me and ultimately i feel so lonely.
I can completely relate on all levels. I over analyse and scrutinise everything and then wonder if I should apologise for myself or just never contact people again because why would they want me to?!

I feel like such an outcast all the time, any friendship circles I’ve been apart of, I’ve never really felt like I fit, I was just there. It seems like everyone I used to know have remained strong friends but I’ve just been left behind and forgotten about. Like I wasn’t worth keeping as friend or I was just too much hard work to keep around. It breaks my heart and I just feel so lonely all the time. I do have a partner and two wonderful children and he is amazing with me, especially when I’m relapsing or having a breakdown. But it’s just not the same as having people to socialise with and that aren’t part of my home life.

I’m sorry you also feel the same loneliness, it’s the worst 😞😭

:grouphug:
 
A

Allyalz

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
I can completely relate on all levels. I over analyse and scrutinise everything and then wonder if I should apologise for myself or just never contact people again because why would they want me to?!

I feel like such an outcast all the time, any friendship circles I’ve been apart of, I’ve never really felt like I fit, I was just there. It seems like everyone I used to know have remained strong friends but I’ve just been left behind and forgotten about. Like I wasn’t worth keeping as friend or I was just too much hard work to keep around. It breaks my heart and I just feel so lonely all the time. I do have a partner and two wonderful children and he is amazing with me, especially when I’m relapsing or having a breakdown. But it’s just not the same as having people to socialise with and that aren’t part of my home life.

I’m sorry you also feel the same loneliness, it’s the worst 😞😭

:grouphug:
Im the same. The social circles i had when i was younger all seemed to have carried on without me. Having children made things worse for me as i was unable to join in with people and now 6 years later the number of friends i have locally and can go see is 0. I have nobody to talk to when im sad or in pain. I agree its not the same having people separate from a home life. My husband for the most part is wonderful but its not the same.
Im sorry that you feel the same way i do. Id never wish this on anyone :(
 
Sammie Mara

Sammie Mara

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
London
So does anyone else find that being a sufferer of BPD that it’s really hard to maintain friendships?
I mean, I don’t know if it’s because of the paranoia in the sense of you always feel like such hard work or a burden and therefore must be difficult to be around and be friends with and because that plays on your mind it’s almost as if you talk yourself out of having or being friends with people.

I just get so lonely and see people who have these amazing friendships and are always out for coffee or just hanging out and I feel as though I don’t have people to do that with and some days, the feeling of not having friends or people that like me, cripples me and it hurts so much I can’t think of anything else. I just feel like I must be a really bad and shitty person and I understand why people don’t want to be around me.

Am I alone in this? (Oh the irony 😂)
So does anyone else find that being a sufferer of BPD that it’s really hard to maintain friendships?
I mean, I don’t know if it’s because of the paranoia in the sense of you always feel like such hard work or a burden and therefore must be difficult to be around and be friends with and because that plays on your mind it’s almost as if you talk yourself out of having or being friends with people.

I just get so lonely and see people who have these amazing friendships and are always out for coffee or just hanging out and I feel as though I don’t have people to do that with and some days, the feeling of not having friends or people that like me, cripples me and it hurts so much I can’t think of anything else. I just feel like I must be a really bad and shitty person and I understand why people don’t want to be around me.

Am I alone in this? (Oh the irony 😂)
Friends what are they?:( nope I am 52 and have NONE! I know a load of people but no friends as such, they think i'm mad:rofl2:Then again some of the stunts I have pulled :scared: yeah! that's why, I got two Christmas cards last year one was off my cat:rolleyes: Oh well x
 
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