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Major depressive dx severe

Catty5

Catty5

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It's good that you've found a decent clinic.

I feel comfortable enough there it just doesn't feel right for me, it's s a bit too structured. I think I'll have to work late now so probably won't go back again. I'm not criticising the group, it just doesn't feel right for me.

Hopefully just a matter of time and this will just be a distant (repressed) memory. It sounds like you've beaten this before so no reason you won't be able to again.
It's good that you've found a decent clinic.

I feel comfortable enough there it just doesn't feel right for me, it's s a bit too structured. I think I'll have to work late now so probably won't go back again. I'm not criticising the group, it just doesn't feel right for me.

Hopefully just a matter of time and this will just be a distant (repressed) memory. It sounds like you've beaten this before so no reason you won't be able to again.
Hi
I’m still confused with my vivid nightmare that was really a nightmare. I was lost and no transportation to go home. Big mountain is in front of me ..... it may be my situation right now.

If you’re not feeling yoi’re not accepted.... it’s not a group you have to go....you aren’t emotionally belonging there.
 
Jimh

Jimh

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Woke up with a vivid and horrible nightmare. I was lost in the dream at night ... I cannot go home. I was sweating badly. Dissociated and depersonalized. I just want to die......
Just done a bit of research and the only (potentially) useful tips are talking about the full dream and also rewriting the ending. Not sure this will be any help but feel free to describe and rewrite your nightmare.

Not sure the best way to deal with the dissociation, currently it's very much a part of my life at the moment but it's not bothering me too much. I am feeling very apathetic though so I'm not in the extreme throws of depression just sort of in limbo. The only advice I can think to suggest would be to try not to care about it and just find a way to accept it as a part of your life at this moment in time but know that it is something that won't be forever.

Really wish I could say something more useful or comforting.
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@Jimh

Thank you for your advice
Ok i’ll try not to fight against my confusion and dissociation. It’s sad but I can do nothing about it.... my brain is horrible.

I don’t feel apathy so much. So it’s your depressive symptom or Prozac?
 
Jimh

Jimh

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The nightmare thing is called imagery rehearsal treatment, if you find you are having the same sort of nightmare it might work. Basically I think you replay the nightmare throughout the day but with a good ending. It sounds like it's a direct result of the medication you're on so might be worth talking to your doctor and maybe trying something else.

I'm hoping I've offered good advice but please be careful if you find anything I'm telling you makes you feel worse (tell me as well so I don't pass on bad advice to anyone else). I've never solved my own problems so my advice isn't likely to be the best... not sure I should be giving you any in retrospect.

I don't know if my apathy is from my condition or the medication. I wasn't apathetic before xmas which points towards meds but then again I've had apathy after hospital admissions before so it might just be the way I deal with experiences that I can't handle. I really should care about what I did but I genuinely don't.
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@Jimh

No no no.... you’re right. It’s better to accept it rather than trying to fight....then i’ll More confused. I’ve never solved my issue either.
We’re facing tough situations.... we cannot see inside brain.

When did you attempt?
 
J

JCPraha

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I slept several hours then woke up at midnight with nightmares sweating badly and depersonalized and dissociated. I was so scared I took Mirtazapine as usual to sleep. again. I had another nightmare. I woke up terrified. I’m freezing with terror, badly dissociated. Morning is he*l.
This happens to me also! i thought I was the only one. It is absolutely horrible. The scariest, worst feeling in the world. Very difficult for me to cope with. I feel like I will die, or wish that I would the feeling is so terrible.
 
Jimh

Jimh

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It's something that works for me but being someone who has had a lot of alcohol and drugs in the past, being confused and not able to think straight is something I've had a lot of experience with which is why I find it easier to deal with. Whilst I don't want to feel that way at the moment as I'm trying to move towards a normal life, I am able to look back at times I felt a lot more out of it than I do now and it helps me to accept this dissociation.

I do really want to find a way back though at some point and I don't know if I'll be able to be myself again without medication and I am slightly scared that I'll have to choose between being suicidal or dissociated. At the moment I'm trying not to think about it and when I get confused I just try to laugh at myself. I had a moment at work today when someone mentioned collecting money for "blind dogs" and I said that's good because I bet there's not much funding for dogs who can't see when obviously they meant guide dogs FOR the blind. Everyone looked at me as if I was crazy and I was slightly scared that I'm making bizarre connections but I'm laughing about it now.

Thursday night before xmas. I was upset about it that night, been indifferent since.
 
Jimh

Jimh

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This happens to me also! i thought I was the only one. It is absolutely horrible. The scariest, worst feeling in the world. Very difficult for me to cope with. I feel like I will die, or wish that I would the feeling is so terrible.
Are you having recurring nightmares or different every time? I have a lot of dreams when depressed and also now on meds, I think its to do with anxiety and too much brain activity whilst sleeping.
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@JCPraha

Thank you for telling me
I’m glad to know i’m not the only one to be like that.
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@Jimh

Some of them are recurrent even if contents are a bit different. Psychiatrist say it’s SSRI that causes vivid dreams. This morning....it was absolute terror....so vivid.
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@Jimh

How about your dreams? They don’t bother you so much right? Mine is horrible sometimes
 
Jimh

Jimh

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@Jimh

Some of them are recurrent even if contents are a bit different. Psychiatrist say it’s SSRI that causes vivid dreams. This morning....it was absolute terror....so vivid.
I think (based solely on 20 mins of internet research so could be way off the mark) that the SSRIs are causing the vivid dreams but its anxiety which is turning those into nightmares. Vivid dreams and nightmares seem common with SSRIs, maybe if you are really struggling with the dreams you should look at different medications. Do you think the tms is having an effect too?

@Jimh

How about your dreams? They don’t bother you so much right? Mine is horrible sometimes
I'm having really strange and vivid dreams but not scary ones. I did have a few nightmares when suffering depression but they didn't really bother me (after I'd woken up) because i just treated it as seeing a really good horror film for free (easy for me because i love horror movies).
 
Catty5

Catty5

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@Jimh

Thank you for researching.....

I think I had nightmares with Zoloft too.
Yeah it may be anxiety..... I was worrying about things before falling asleep last night.
As you say, I think TMS might be affecting me. I’m very anxious and somewhat confused after TMS today.

You like horror movies ....so you’re more immune to nightmares? I have no idea.
 
Jimh

Jimh

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I did only have very sporadic nightmares though, not every night which must be a lot harder
 
Jimh

Jimh

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I think that the anxiety is the issue, you could try the dream rehearsal thingy, could work if you are having dreams about similar things. Can't personally see it working otherwise. If you can think of things that don't make you anxious when you go to bed that might help (although this isn't always possible).

Might sound dumb and is a bit embarrassing for me to say but I invent a fantasy world in my head (change it from time to time) and imagine myself in that. It helps me get to sleep when I'm struggling as well, it is very hard to do when depression and anxiety at their worst though and I couldn't keep it up last year but doing it again now.

The tms sounds quite a strong treatment so I can't imagine there being no side effects. I think you just need to treat it all as stepping stones (albeit horrible ones with terrible food, bad music and bad ambience) towards something better.

I did only have very sporadic nightmares though, not every night which must be a lot harder. I love scary films and enjoy being scared and out of my comfort zone so fear is not something which bothers me personally. I may be somewhat of an oddity in that respect so not necessarily an option for anybody else.
 
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