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Major depressive disorder and feeling hopeless

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Nutter_09

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
137
Location
Middlesex
Firstly I'd I've to apologise for my username. I forgot I'd signed up 12 years ago!
So here I am ages 36 and suffering again. I had pnd from my son born 2 years ago and also have a 5 year old. I'm drowning, suffocating and hate my life. Me and my husband don't get on, recently started marriage counselling and he is quite abusive, not physically but more mentally and verbally. Since 2009 I've tried every antidepressant going I think. Recently sertraline, lamotrigine, quetiapine, vortioxetine, Fluoxitine and just now Martiazepine which I've now stopped as made my anxiety worse. I've done cbt, councelling and 12 sessions with a psychotherapist via cmht but it's all pointless. Reading posts from my old self has left me feeling so hopeless and I just don't want to be here any longer. Selfish I know having 2 young children but I just can't keep doing this. I've been ignoring my gp and mh team as they don't help and if one more person suggests a warm bath I will explode.

Just needed a rant.

M
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
91
Location
Inverness
Hi M,

Another Mama with major depressive disorder here. Im on my third episode. Reading your post, it's no wonder you feel hopeless. I feel a bit ashamed to have been complaining about how I am feeling when I've only ever had one type of antidepressant. You are very strong, to have kept yourself going despite all the knock backs. I don't mean that to be patronising, I mean that honestly!

All I can say is that you have to keep going. You actually have so much to look forward to, your babies are young yet but as they get older, so much will happen. I have three teenagers, a preteen and a 2 year old. My teenagers, every day they need me. They want to talk about their friendships or romance, they want to talk about fashion or games they play. My eldest got her exam results back, straight A's and she wants to be a mental health nurse. As they get older yet there will probably be marriages, babies and so many other things that I don't want to miss.

Most of all, they need me. When they are as young as yours, you know that, but they don't tell you that. When they get older, they do. Recently both my eldest two told me they never want me to die and they don't know what they would do without me.

One of my daughter's struggles with depression too, I believe she has SADS as it coincides with the nights drawing in. I believe because I have experience with depression and anxiety, that I can understand and support her better and also fight for what she needs.

So in other words M, you have to keep going. Stop ignoring the GP and MHT. I know nothing has helped yet but there are still many many options. Tons of different meds. All it needs is to find that magic one and that means engaging with the professionals even when so far it feels they haven't been able to help. Depression is so complex, unfortunately it can take longer for some than others to find the right help.
 
echo66

echo66

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Messages
248
Hi @Nutter_09
You are dealing with a lot right now and sound at the end of your tether. Please check out the following, I think they could be of some help to you.

womensaid.org.uk

They have excellent information on the website, a live-chat service, forum, and
helpline: 0808 2000 247

Take care, E
 
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