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Major Anxiety about doing an Exposure Exercise tomorrow.

O

Ocdexposed

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Nov 8, 2014
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I suffer from extremely violent, sexual and repugnant thoughts. Usually all mixed in together and then they multiply and become more and more grotesque the more I think about them or try not to think about them. As part of my treatment my Psychologist has me doing exposure exercises which entail mainly me stating the thoughts I have to others.

I'm doing this to get better and one would think I would look forward to going. But for me group therapy is my exposure exercise because I care what other people think of me. So I guess it makes sense that I'm not looking forward to going. The goal I guess would be to look forward to going, or being bored to go. I went to another group, and the members were pretty knowledgeable about OCD, so the thoughts I revealed weren't too upsetting.

The group I'm going to meet with tomorrow meets occasionally (I went twice before a few months ago) and isn't very well structured. People tend to come and go. Some of the OCD problems with the other members are perfectionism and writing, so not in the same area of mine. I've been ruminating about a safe exposure "Intrusive thought" I can share with them that some won't find appalling or shocking, but that is also still anxiety provoking for me, so I can make progress. Which I know is a form of avoidance. Then part of me wants to say, screw it, I'm there for me, I'm there to make myself better, forget what everyone else thinks. I'm going to talk about thoughts my brain has of .(Insert very upsetting thought)

I feel that my ruminating about what's the perfect thought to lay on these poor unsuspecting people to not freak them out is a way for me to say to myself I did the exposure, but in reality I kind of did it to say I did it with-out actually going "all in" an doing the exposure.

I don't know what I'm really asking for in posting this. Maybe some advice or a different (outside) perspective on how someone else may view my situation?
 
M

Mastiff mom

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Sounds like you're having a terrible time. I think you are wise to check out different groups and find one you feel comfortable with it. You could start sharing in a general way and see if the group is supportive. Giving the group aa chance to know you before going into more detail could be a wise move. Are you in therapy. If not, it might be a safe place you could share what's going on with you. I wish you all the best. Hugs.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I don't know where you've got the idea that you should be looking forward to going.
I'd say it's pretty natural to be really anxious and be wanting to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. :hug1:

All credit to you for giving this sort of thing a go in the past and be willing to try again.

Do you not think that perhaps other people at the group might have similar intrusive thoughts to your own?
It may be that they're too scared to reveal that they struggle with unpleasant images/thoughts too.
What i'm trying to say is, if it's any consolation, I can imagine at least one other person will be able to relate to you.

It's so hard not to worry about people's judgements, but hopefully an environment such as the group you're going to sounds as though it'll be more accepting that if you were to tell any random person.
Everybody is there to feel better and so hopefully they'll be sympathetic towards you.
 
O

Ocdexposed

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Thank you for the reply. It went well actually. I was as graphic as I intended to be but still pretty descriptive. Everyone in the group was understanding and supportive. A lot of Magnification on my part before the actual meeting.
 
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