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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Made it 2 more days...but I’m breaking again

M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
This place has helped me SO much

but I’m headed back down a bad path and I’m not a very strong person

I tried a free mental health / suicide line yesterday They really were nice,and they’re really doing what they can
But... it’s sort of like people reading a self-help script. If I was in better shape... it might help but I just hung up

because of depression, I’ve pushed most people away. I don’t have friends
I’m ok with that actually but In bad times....I have no people to lean on.

I have no insurance, so doctors and therapists aren’t an option

Sorry. I can really ramble. I’m not even sure what I’m asking
A close friend on this forum got me through the weekend..... I crashed this morning and woke up in a very dark place. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Mike
 
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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I have found those helplines useless too. It does sound like they are reading from a script. I have seen a lot of members use the Samaritans. Maybe they would be of more use?

It is lovely you have made a close friend on the forum.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
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nowhere
The help lines are usually useless. Just college kids getting credits to attain their certification to become counselors. Most have no clue about life.

How about trying for two more days again? We are here for you.
 
Talina

Talina

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May 14, 2020
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Hi Mike, I’m sorry to hear you are feeling really low. Try to take one day at a time.

We on the forum are here for you and it’s nice you managed to find a good friend here :hug:
 
M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
I know I said this a bunch of times before.
im not ever sure hey I’m on the forum or searching out her forms of gounseling

most times I think I’m being selfish
I want anyone or anything to tell me me and my wife are going to be ok

and I know we’re not.
im like a little kid looking for a pat on the back telling me not to worry.
 
Talina

Talina

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I know I said this a bunch of times before.
im not ever sure hey I’m on the forum or searching out her forms of gounseling

most times I think I’m being selfish
I want anyone or anything to tell me me and my wife are going to be ok

and I know we’re not.
im like a little kid looking for a pat on the back telling me not to worry.
It’s not selfish wanting to find a bit of reassurance. Hang in there and it can become better :hug:
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,095
Location
Nashua NH
My experiences with the National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the US has been spotty.
The upside is they usually pick up immediately whereas local community mental health crisis lines can take two or more hours to get back to you.
I think the NSPH is staffed mostly by volunteers.
The first time I called the volunteer asked me why I was calling (???) and when I told her why I was calling she shouted “WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT???” Since then I have had much better experiences with the volunteer staffers at the NSPH hotline who I have found to be mostly thoughtful and compassionate.
 
M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
Ok thanks

I read all the posts here and people are going such awful stuff. Doesn’t make me feel lucky... makes me feel even less special
( and I realize I’m looking at this though my eyes of a horribly depressed person)
I realize I’m not rational

I went for a walk this morning
Hate myself. All I could think about...
I know people that really get their shit together when things get bad.
I want to be one of those people and really step up to the plate for my wife. Do whatever it takes

but because of my bad wiring..... I’m just another burden for her. Probably her biggest rightnow

makes me feel like a complete loser
I cave in I myself
 
K

karl7

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Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
hi mike i know how tough depression can be.....i had it bad myselef over the years.....but what i would like to have heard from someone is the reassurance that the depression will and does pass......be patient with yourself.....take it as easy as much as you can......we on the forum are looking out for you.....we know what its like
 
M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
If no one was depending on me—- I could have the courage to end me
I really think I could

but I know it would be utter devastation for my wife for the rest of her life

I can’t do that to her I love her so much

last night I thought of the people that are not here any more because of COVID.
instead of feeling fortunate...
My first thought was “ their troubles are over”

I know how messed up thinking that it. But least I admit that’s where I’m at right now
 
M

MikeYST

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Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
Sometimes I think I’m just about massive self pity
 
M

MikeYST

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
59
Location
Chicago
I couldn’t breathe in this morning
Panic
Then I throw up every 1/2 hour because I’m dwelling on all this.
fucking awful
 
Talina

Talina

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Depression truly change our views and it’s easy to get a really negative thoughts and panic is awful to get. You aren’t a loser, it’s the negative thoughts that are speaking.

Do you have anything that you like doing which can help distracting yourself, for example talking with family, reading a book or just a cup of coffee. Which maybe can work as a distraction. These won’t always work.
 
C

celticlass

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May 7, 2011
Messages
1,101
Location
Scotland
So are you saying your mental health has not been assessed because you have no insurance? Are there no charitable bodies who work with people having mental illness? You sound to have Anxiety, possible panic, and depression. There you go I have now diagnosed you lol! now in Britain I have found the Samaritans to be a really good source of support. I do not however agree with their failure to intervene where someone is talking about serious self harm. So obviously you need treatment and support. in the meantime are there maybe practical matters that are increasing stress? Possibly people on here might be able to comment their opinions and advise. One of the reasons I am on here tonight is to deflect me from my own worries about being unwell. Trying still to assist others gives me a sense of value.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,120
Location
England
It's not self-pity and i'm glad you have responsibility. We are in this together, this selection of us who are in this club we would prefer not to need or qualify for.

I don't fight it anymore, i adapt. I alter my life, my days, my seasons, and take excellent care of myself and those very very closest to me. They are in it with us too aren't they, as some feel so sad for us that they can really understand depression.

Some people are unwell most days, but not severe, some are extremely unwell for 2 months and spend 10 months quite well. I don't know which is worse. They are equally worse maybe, equally life threatening.

Some have loads of support, some have none, some have a bit.

Different but the same.

So if you don't have help, a routine is important. Good food, gentle walks, sunshine, vitamins, oily fish, eat a rainbow :), rest, reduce stress, do things that make you feel a bit better.

If you have a bad day, rest, sleep, stand in the sunshine for a while, take out the hot chocolate and emergency depression snacks.

I know this doesn't work for everyone, but this is what i do and as long as i keep taking my medication, it is working ok.

Lots of tools to get you through - books, music, dvd's, a cat :), paints and canvas. whatever helps.

Don't fight, adapt.
 
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