Mad Today

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LeeMarie

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May 17, 2012
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Seems like everyone has a comment about me appearance today. Mostly - you've lost too much weight. Why does everyone have to voice their opinion on my appearance. I don't tell others if I think their too thin or too fat. I'm told by a close friend it's because people care about me. That's a nice thought, but I feel like people are fascinated and curious about the poor skinny girl who probably is anorexic (I've told no one I have an ED). It's frustrating because I honestly don't see what all the fuss is about. I know what size I am, I know I've lost weight, but I don't see skinny at all. Is it me? Is it them? Logic tells me that they're probably right (too many people telling me the same thing). I want to cry with frustration today. Thanks for letting me vent! - Lee
 
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cadsaz

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Aug 25, 2012
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106
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Hi there, I know how you feel, my bmi is currently 18.9 and I'm 3 lbs from being underweight. Everyone is telling me I look too thin now but I don't feel it.
I'd understand it if I looked skin and bones I.e. the images of people you see in the media with anorexia but I'm not there. I'm currently eating about 680 calories a day and everyone is saying I should eat more but I feel like I have enough to keep me going. Perhaps this is all because of the ED that my perception of my body and food intake is so skewed. Its all a mess isn't it? Hugs x
 
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LeeMarie

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My calorie intake is also very low; however, it seems to satisfy me. On my most anxious days, I have to force myself to eat. I think that's good that, even if I don't want to eat, I force myself to get at least some nutrients, right? Most people would call that denial I suppose. I'm in quite a bad mental state these days. Not sure what's real and what's denial anymore.
 
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cadsaz

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Aug 25, 2012
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Hugs LeeMarie. I'm constantly battling with myself: battling with the idea if I don't stop I could lose everything, battling with the idea that if I eat more I'll feel bad and disappointed with myself and because I'm depressed I can't stand to feel that way, thinking I'm ok 'I'm not skin and bones' there is plenty of me still here, thinking am I in denial so I see myself larger than everyone else sees me, upset with myself because I get stressed if I'm going out to eat and I have vigorously research meal calorie content. Part of me wishes someone would save me because I'm afraid I can't save myself but then I push people away and hide. It sucks doesn't it? xx
 
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LeeMarie

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Yes, it sucks for sure. I have to go to a work lunch today. Nowhere to hide there; at a big table with all my co-workers who have all expressed their displeasure with my weight loss. I'm sooo anxious about it - I've been awake since 1:30 this morning. Have to make it though somehow.
 
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kel11

Guest
Hey Lee. Just saw your post and wanted to send you a message of support for today. I totally get the anxiety you feel about your work lunch. It's hard when everyone has an opinion which makes it feel like everyone's judging you. As difficult as it is, try to stay positive while you're there even though inside you'll be in turmoil. If you appear your usual self outwardly, people are less likely to pay attention to what you're eating etc and have less of an opportunity to pass remarks. Anyway, haven't been very helpful here and probably don't make any sense but just wanted to take time out and let you know I'm thinking of you! Stay strong, I have faith you can do it!
<3 Kelly x
 
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LeeMarie

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Thanks Kel. You were very helpful. It's only 8:00 in the morning here, so I've got a long time of anxious waiting ahead of me. I'm feeling nauseous and edgy. I actually want to run away to the safety of my home. I've read the menu so I know already what I'll get. There is bound to be a comment that I am only ordering a salad at an all-paid-for lunch, but I can't bear to eat anything else. I hate eating anything if I don't know what's in it so I can figure out the calories. Thank you for your support. - Lee
 
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kel11

Guest
I know, I'm the same. It's a nightmare. Just say you don't like the other options and you'd rather pick something even if it is just salad than not have anything at all as it is paid for. Turn the comments around. When people put me on the spot like that I come back with something that confuses them enough to shut them up. I know it's hard. It might sound a bit airy fairy but for me in times like that it helps to find a quiet place for 5-10 mins beforehand, close my eyes and try to control my breathing etc to calm me down. X
 
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LeeMarie

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kel - I plan on taking a breath beforehand. My therapist tells me to do my yoga breathing when I feel particularly anxious. It helps. Thank God for yoga - wish I could go every day! - Lee
 
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kel11

Guest
You're right Lee, it definitely helps! I had a dinner to go to last Saturday and spent half the night in the toilets trying to get myself under control. I hope you're able to relax at some stage beforehand.
 
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