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Lying

Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
401
Location
South east england
Ive had eating issues since i was around 7 or 8 years old. I have every eating disorder there is in my life time and im in my early 30s. Few years ago i went from anorexia,to bulimia to full on just binge eating and put on alot weight and with my meds and lack exercise too. Then i started having problems with my stomach and i couldnt eat big portions and my binge eating stopped. My anorexic brain kicked in, i started restricting. Over this past year ive lost a pretty large amount weight pretty quickly. Anyway im a healthy weight now and people say i dont nned loose anymore at all. However i still am. Certain people when i see them ask me if ive lost more weight each time i see them because they are aware of my eating disordered anorexia/bulima history. And i cant help but lie and deny my weight loss and say no ive not. Once i claimed id even maybe put on some weight which i knew wasnt true.
I dont know why im lying. I dont know if its because i dont want them to worry and them to think i have a eating disorder again because i dont really i have it in control.im not in danger yet. I could still loose alot more im just thinner then i have been in a long while so i look thin thats all but ive been alot thinner before.
Is it ok that im lying? Do they know im lying? Im not really lying it wasnt really that much weight anyway.
 
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Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
276
Location
USA
I think it may be because admitting it forces you to confront it and is at least somewhat of an acknowledgement that you need to get help and I think there's an internal struggle between wanting to recover and not wanting to, as well as thinking you're not "sick enough" to deserve it.
 
Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
401
Location
South east england
I guess i want loose more weight then get help i dont know. Im not massively thin atm and im a healthy shape i guess and i know you can have a eating disorder at any weight but theres no point me seeking help if i still want to loose weight and technically itd still be ok for me to loose some weight for a bit bmi wise anyway. I just look thinner and lankey because im tall.
 
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Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
276
Location
USA
I know. The problem is that elusive happiness that's always just out of reach (just a few more pounds!) never actually comes...The eating disorder "voice" is a master manipulator. But I hear you-you're not ready. I get it.
 
Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
401
Location
South east england
Problem here in uk also is unless ur bulimic which im not anymore if you want help for eating disorder at the ED clinic you have qualify under strict rules and you have have a low bmi which i do not so theres no way id even qualify for help till i lost weight anyway really.
 
M

Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
276
Location
USA
Wow, I'm surprised to hear that. That's so 1990's. The ED community needs to get loud and raise awareness in my opinion. Anyway, sending you a big hug.
 
Takingmybrain

Takingmybrain

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
401
Location
South east england
Wow, I'm surprised to hear that. That's so 1990's. The ED community needs to get loud and raise awareness in my opinion. Anyway, sending you a big hug.
I know right, that why may id be more inclined to get help now if i didnt feel judged about not being ill enough even though ive suffered with every eating disorder there is for over the last 23 years. But im not sick enough apparently. Sounds crazy but i almost wish i was serveley bulimic again just so i qualified for help in some way but i swore id not go back down that road again. Wanting to restrict is bad enough. Thanks for your replies.
 
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