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Lying is has ruined my relationship

J

JustDave

New member
Joined
Feb 25, 2016
Messages
1
I don't normally go onto these forums but here goes,

I've been living with my (ex) fiancée for nearly 2 years and we have been together for 3 in total. we recently received the amazing news that we were finally going to have a baby together

Things ended between us last night and It was all my fault, I read a post on here from 2010 about someone who could not stop lying and I have the same problem.

Yesterday we broke up because I lied about cleaning a mop bucket (?), she said to me and I quote "lie to me now and we are through" and I did. (I did not want to break up)

I tell these lies to everyone I know and cannot physically stop, I've been tormenting my (ex) fiancée for the last few months by making things up, I cant put any logic as to why I even do them, its not to make myself sound better or to re-assure myself of anything.

We tried to talk about it yesterday and I explained everything about my problem, however this was only met with a level of (understandable) doubt in everything that I say and she is now adamant I have cheated on her (I have not) but she will not believe me on anything I say. I have totally lost her trust.

So now its over and I've thrown away the two most important things in my life, I cannot physically bring myself to tall my parents that I have screwed up their chance to be involved with their grandchild and I cant deal with the thought of her being with someone else raising our baby.

I don't even know why I am writing on here, perhaps to just air what I am feeling.
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,534
Location
Stanton, CA
I don't know if you can save your relationship with the mother of your child, but I think you may be able to save your future if you seek counseling about your lying. See if you can find a therapist who deals with that kind of thing. I hope you will be able to heal from this affliction. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.
 
G

Gladimeir15

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2016
Messages
39
I feel sad for you. Winning her and your baby back would not be that easy. You better fix yourself first. Start with yourself, be true to yourself so you can be true to others. Seek a help from someone whom you trust, and that is your own family. It's good that you accepted that you are a liar and that you are wrong. Prove to yourself that you are more than that and that you are worth to be trusted.
 
I

InnerAlchemy

New member
Joined
Mar 4, 2016
Messages
4
Location
UK
I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering from this.

In a way I can relate to your fiancée because my last boyfriend had the same problem. He would lie about things both big and small, but I think he did it to make himself look better due to self-esteem issues.

I can understand why she would feel like she cannot trust you, but believe me, I know she wants to. It's really hard because I desperately wanted to believe what he told me, but there was always this voice in my mind saying 'what if he's lying, then you'll look like a fool".

Just going by what you've said, would you have lied about cleaning the mop bucket for a reason that you might not have thought of? Like perhaps your fiancée gets angry or upset if you haven't done the cleaning, or something like that? I know that while my ex was a compulsive liar, it was made worse because of some of my own flaws, like the fact I am very over sensitive and took things personally a lot, so he would lie to avoid my reactions.

I hope you can get better. You might be able to show your fiancée that you want help by doing as others have suggested and seeing a counsellor. Also, I wonder if you would still lie if you wrote things down on paper/typing them out? Since you seem to be truthful on here, perhaps that might be one way you could tell her which things you have lied about and which things you haven't.
 
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