Lunatic Mother

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elDano

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Sep 30, 2018
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Hello. Firstly, if there is a better place for my question, please let me know :D Sorry if this is long! My family really needs help!

My mother had suffered a TBI three years ago. It was rather bad, but she has nearly fully recovered, luckily. Now, however, she is like Jekyll and Hyde. Alternating from perfectly pleasant to a complete jerk for no apparent reason.

It should be mentioned that she has been a complete slave driving lunatic for my entire life. My sister and I are scarred from her overbearing occasionally prison like style of child rearing(we turned out fine). She has also always exhibited extreme rage and anger, which until this day we cannot figure out. Post TBI, she is still a major bully, but the swings between nice and angry are much greater. In the past she was just an average level jerk constantly.

Shockingly, she has a saint like boyfriend (who she treats like dirt, of course). He will probably leave her if he is smart. We cannot stand this woman. She wanders the earth effortlessly insulting or being rude to every person who is near. She is a tempest of a$$holery and if it is not corrected she is going to lose her family who is beyond fed up! She has lost life-long friends in the past years from her constant needing-to-get-her-way. But then, sometimes she is fine. It seems like its by the hour.

Also, it is worth mention that when she is in her angry-rage outlashes, she fully abandoned logic. Counter argument and evidence that does not support HER position is received as if it is being spoken in a foreign language. Even saying nice things to her increases her insanity. Sociopath?

Maybe un-diagnosed borderline personality disorder before the TBI, now worse? There has to be something here. She is leagues beyond your next worst rude person. She can barely function in society. She has damaged me to the point where I cannot be around women and the thought of getting married to someone like this (as my father accidentally did) make me nauseous.

I am looking for any advice. I have tried for a year or two now to get her to see a therapist or psychologist, etc., but she simply refuses thinking that she is the most perfect person on the planet who could not possibly need help. It's everyone else that needs help, from her perspective.

I, especially, am dirt to her. I live with her and she will lash out at the nearest living person just for fun it seems (and that is usually me). I cannot even describe the level of complete horrid nastiness she has un-leashed on me over the past years. Tearing apart my room, discarding of my belongings, etc. I found two of my personal belongings in the trash yesterday. Who knows what else got thrown out?! I got lucky when I saw my stuff in the trash bin. All while I am just doing the dishes or yard work or something. Totally unprovoked. My sister and dad who live elsewhere are fully aware of her EXTREME unpleasantness, but they will not help me because they do not want to be in her line of fire.

I am 29, well employed, saving money to move out. After I leave I may very well not be able to speak with her again. I would prefer if that did not have to be the case though... This could go for another 10 thousand lines.

THANKS!:confused:
 
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Helena1

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You can't force someone to get help and she won't change so the only thing you can do is get out for yourself.
 
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elDano

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That certainly is good advice, but I feel like that is just giving up. I am hoping to discover something with enough substance to actually convince her to get help. And I want her to feel at least some small amount of shame for how she has treated our entire family.

Moving out is definitely on my short list anyway.
 
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Heslop

Heslop

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I am hoping to discover something with enough substance to actually convince her to get help. And I want her to feel at least some small amount of shame for how she has treated our entire family.
What are the chances of those things that you say you want actually happening? Very remote, I suspect. You might be best accepting that your mother is not going to change for you and focussing on yourself.
 
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Dulcie

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I had a mother like your's; totally bonkers with the same traits.

I can only suggest you get out and enjoy yourself with your friends. You're not responsible for her health so don't let her drag you down the same hole. And I know that sounds callous, but you have a quality of life to live, yes?

The other alternative is to make an appointment to see her doctor and ask their advice on how best to help her.
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

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i would leave and don't look back

u only get one life and each day which passes, u can't get back

the longer you spend around someone like that, the harder it will be for you to return to being any sort or normal person again (or to put it another way, to become someone who is not filled with anger, negativity, stuck in the past, etc)

i left my mother who is like yours behind over a decade ago, and even now i'm still half-mental :(
 
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meorry

meorry

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Oct 9, 2018
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don't take it too seriously. I have a mother like this and it's really annoying
 
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