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Lucky not to be Damaged

shaky

shaky

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Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
7,596
Location
Warwickshire
My schizoaffective disorder leads me into dangerous waters at times. Many times I have indulged in self-harm, and other times very risky behaviour.

Fortunately, even when I have been at my most wild I have still had a sense of self-preservation. Even when overcome with distress, anger, frustration, over-excitement, I am still able to think – will this be permanent? will I be able to heal from this?

The other day I went out running naked and barefoot. It was a freezing cold morning, literally. My feet became numb with cold so that I didn’t feel the damage I was doing to my feet running on hard, rough pavements. When I got home the only damage I had was a few blisters. But it could have been so much worse, I might even have got frostbite.

These sorts of things can happen any day, any time. I feel like I’m living with a time bomb that one day will go off and I’ll find myself permanently damaged.

I realise that I have been lucky, so far.

But I have to live life to the full
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I'm glad you only came back with some blisters.

Have you got anyone around you you could call when you're feeling particularly risky?

I agree with you about living life to the full - no matter what your mind does sometimes, it's always important to be happy.
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Nov 25, 2014
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I read that as frisky! haha omg I'm so bad!
 
katya

katya

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Location
England
Aww, that's terrible! I'm so sorry. Maybe come on here - or get in contact with some mental health professionals? They might be able to send someone round from what I understand. :)
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Can you not come on the forum? X
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Ooow I'm sorry were not wild enough for you :p
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Sometimes I do.
But it means booting up the computer - and why would I be doing a boring thing like that when I feel like being
AWESOME
or
WILD !
Maybe there's someone you can ring - that way you can take them with you? Haha.
 
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