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lowest I've ever been

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Fallen Phoenix

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Dec 15, 2014
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79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
Greetings all.

Another day slept away, another bottle of whiskey to ease it all and more additions to my already overloaded arms. Very much Stuck in the cycle atm. Anyone had a productive day today?
 

MarlieeB

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Hey Fallen Phoenix.

I'm sorry that you have more additions. Is there anyone that you can speak to about this. Of course please don't stop posting here.

I'm really worried about you.

Marliee x
 
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Fallen Phoenix

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Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
I don't have anyone to talk to really I only ever had 2 good friends and they have put up with me for over a decade with no success. Family have never know about my issues apart fro depression but I come fro a family of hard arses let's say who are very logical in their way of life and seem to think problems can't just be fixed with drugs or not being such a weak person. I appreciate your concern but my intentions are not to make others worried but thank you this forum in helping slightly though so I thank the people that I've spoken so far you're all truly blessings aswell as this forum .
 

MarlieeB

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My family are the same. That's why I don't really talk to them about how I am feeling. It's just unlucky that things have occurred and they have figured things out.

I know your intention is not to make people worried but we are all humans so of course there might be times that people are worried but please, don't let that put you off. I'm a natural worrier anyway :)

Do you think that visiting a GP might help? They might be able to offer some kind of talking therapy. Did I read on another post that you have a child?

x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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The West Country
I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad day.
Sometimes, though it can make you feel like you've "wasted" a day, sleeping in is probably one of the better coping mechanisms. It won't harm you like alcohol or SH would. Plus at this time of year, I think it's natural to want to sleep more.

Also, sorry that you're family aren't exactly empathetic. I have the impression of a northern no-nonsense attitude.. which isn't exactly the approach that is the most helpful for sensitive people.

Try to do more things to nurture yourself. Are there any things that make you feel good, that aren't harmful?
A foot spa might be nice (don't laugh!). Or listening to peaceful music?
I get that those things just don't cut the mustard when you're desperate, but if you can do little things to keep yourself relaxed then hopefully you can prevent getting to that point where you want to hurt yourself. x
 
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Fallen Phoenix

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Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
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Location
Greater Manchester, England
It's cap when you can even rely on family. In the 12 years I've had these issues I've only been to my docs once and she just prescribed meds which personaly I don't want to take, I try to keep it under control through meditation and working out.
Yes I do have a 9 year old son who I have brought up the past 9 years when I gained custody of him over his mother but 7 months ago while I was at her home I had a seizure which left me incapable of hiding my SH scars and her and her husband saw which then the paramedics seen and and notified local authorities. Now after 9 years of having him with me I've gone from looking after him on a daily basis to on being aloud to see him supervised for a couple of hours. What makes is even worse is that his birthday is xmas day and I can only see himore supervised for two hours so he can open his gifts from me. His mother has always held a lot of animosity towards me since I gained custody so I belive she is using my metal health as ammunition against me. I can understand from a mothers point of view that she may be worried but I've had nothing but hassle from his mother from day one. I've always brought up my son in the best manner possible he's such a wonderful little boy, truly a blessing and a credit to me and my mental health has never impacted him in anyway shape or form. He was even looking forward to coming to live with me in the new year but because of current circumstances that's not gonna be for a while now. Now I just think maybe he'll be ok if if he was away from me because even at the age of 9 his mother has already told him about my SH which he asked me about and I had nothing I could say to him. It's been about 4 months now since I've been able to see him properly and it's not getting any easier, xmas day is gonna be difficult to say the least.
 
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Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
I enjoy playing my guitar and violin, meditation and doing a lot of long distance running but atm because I'm just sleeping days away, waking up drinking and the SH I just don't have the energy or will to do anything. This is the most worst I've shut down, my comforts atm are drinking, cigarettes and as of yesterday this forum.
 
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Fallen Phoenix

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Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
I wouldn't laugh at the foot spa either, the feet rule the pisceans, your defo The ameuteur Astrologer. Love you're sig by the way
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Location
The West Country
I wouldn't laugh at the foot spa either, the feet rule the pisceans, your defo The ameuteur Astrologer.
Ah-hah - you're on to me! I wondered if you'd get my reference.
Also, I really believe reflexology can be quite powerful. I do it on myself a lot and have had some pretty cool results.
And thanks - I like your signature too.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with your son.
Yes, you can understand a mother's concern, but it seems there's a lot of judgement and ignorance around your self-harming. People don't understand that just because you SH, it does not mean that you'd be volatile towards other people.

Have you ever tried any more holistic approaches or tried alternative therapies?
I have to admit, medication has helped me through the darkest times but ultimately it's been my involvement in a spiritual path that has given me some enjoyment of life back.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Messages
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Location
The West Country
(Sorry, still blabbering on)

I wish there was more support for men who want to be involved in their child's life. It seems to be a very unfair system and it must be really gutting for you to be in that situation.

One more thing - did your docs ever talk about a referral to counselling?
It's not right, the way they dish out meds but won't give someone the opportunity to talk about their problems.
If I were you, i'd be tempted to go back to your doctor and tell them you need to talk to a counsellor.
Honestly, I don't know what i'd do without my counselling at the moment. It really helps to have that safe space to talk about your feelings and not have to worry about being judged or labelled.
 
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