I feel like since i was diagnosed, or just before, Bipolar 2, i've been ill. My world has fallen apart. Everything i had has changed. There are some benefits to having gone through the episodes i have gone through, the long depressions, i have done much thinking and changed my life in many positive ways, but i am left now, always atleast slightly unwell, and i think everything is passing me by. My friends are all on holiday in Egypt scuba diving, and i was invited but as i am off work apart from the odd shift when able, i could not afford it. Not that i could go anyway because i don't feel well enough and cannot risk being ill in a country like Egypt especially. They are all also married now, apart from one, and two have children. I feel as though i'm not going to have a full life. Who is going to put up with a depressive as a wife? And if i am to live thislife alone romantically, which i know many do, childless too, what am i going to spend my time doing? I have hobbies, a routine, but i am bored. Sad and bored. I feel the only outcome of these feelings and this sub-life, is self harm or worse. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if i should accept that this is my life now, or fight harder. I feel like i have no fight left. I feel like i have accepted this is how things are, and i have a disability, an illness, that is valid, it has taken me a long time to accept that and stop trying to do this or that. I'm so desperately low and lost.