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Low Self-Esteem, I feel bad for my partner

C

Cassiepers

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Toronto
I've always struggled with low self-esteem, can't really figure out why i'm so critical of myself but hopefully one day in therapy i'll gain that insight. But it's really been effecting my relationship recently. Maybe it's just so many things like covid, him being busier, and other relationship issues that have been really piling on me but i have been lower than ever this past month. some days it turns into a depression but i do my best to get myself out/distract myself. I know these ups and downs are hard for my boyfriend but how do i really explain to him that it's not something that stems from how he acts or what he says to me. and the guilt of him feeling stressed or anyway upset that he's not a good partner just adds to the self hate. its a vicious cycle.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
302
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Hi @Cassiepers
Low self-esteem can be a symptom of depression, but it might be for another reason as well. I don't know. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression? Maybe it would explain other facets in your life. That's great that you can get out or distract yourself. That's a huge accomplishment. That's a tough call on how do you really explain to your boyfriend that it's not something that stems from how he acts or what he says to you. Would it be possible that both of you could attend a session or two together with a therapist? Perhaps if he hears the explanation from a neutral third party, that it would make more sense to him.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,662
Location
Canada
I've always struggled with low self-esteem, can't really figure out why i'm so critical of myself but hopefully one day in therapy i'll gain that insight. But it's really been effecting my relationship recently. Maybe it's just so many things like covid, him being busier, and other relationship issues that have been really piling on me but i have been lower than ever this past month. some days it turns into a depression but i do my best to get myself out/distract myself. I know these ups and downs are hard for my boyfriend but how do i really explain to him that it's not something that stems from how he acts or what he says to me. and the guilt of him feeling stressed or anyway upset that he's not a good partner just adds to the self hate. its a vicious cycle.
the mind is not something that you can control. its a genetic reaction to experience, which compounds. the only to change it is to subject it to either new environment or new information.
 
L

Lurch

Active member
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
34
Location
West Midlands
I've always struggled with low self-esteem, can't really figure out why i'm so critical of myself but hopefully one day in therapy i'll gain that insight. But it's really been effecting my relationship recently. Maybe it's just so many things like covid, him being busier, and other relationship issues that have been really piling on me but i have been lower than ever this past month. some days it turns into a depression but i do my best to get myself out/distract myself. I know these ups and downs are hard for my boyfriend but how do i really explain to him that it's not something that stems from how he acts or what he says to me. and the guilt of him feeling stressed or anyway upset that he's not a good partner just adds to the self hate. its a vicious cycle.
Hi Cassiepers,
I think the idea of you and your boyfriend going to therapy is an excellent idea. I think it will help him understand more, and may mean you have less to explain to him because he’ll understand. I think it may teach him to manage better how you are feeling and know how to support you better.
Your boyfriend being busy is a good way to avoid issues that you don’t understand and cannot control.
Good luck
 
C

Cassiepers

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Toronto
Hi, thank you everyone for your insight and well wishes. I've just recently gotten back into therapy so i think that i will give myself for time to do solo sessions and figure out myself more before inviting him to one (if that makes sense?).

@Lurch i think that him being so much busier is like a double edge sword? catch-22? i'm not sure if either those actually apply lol, but i mean like you said it is great that i have all this time to myself to figure out stuff independent from our relationship but also i feel almost invisible. it's like he's working with clients or teaching 75% of the time and the 25% i get is like watching TV while eating dinner and sleeping. and i feel like the 25% we have is just not stimulating and it just highlights how useless i am. iunno it's before 10am where i am and i'm having a tough day.
 
N

navhealth

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
70
Location
Birmingham
I've always struggled with low self-esteem, can't really figure out why i'm so critical of myself but hopefully one day in therapy i'll gain that insight. But it's really been effecting my relationship recently. Maybe it's just so many things like covid, him being busier, and other relationship issues that have been really piling on me but i have been lower than ever this past month. some days it turns into a depression but i do my best to get myself out/distract myself. I know these ups and downs are hard for my boyfriend but how do i really explain to him that it's not something that stems from how he acts or what he says to me. and the guilt of him feeling stressed or anyway upset that he's not a good partner just adds to the self hate. its a vicious cycle.
Talk to him.. thats all..just let your mind and heart open so he knows what you are going through and he can help you and understand. Communication is number 1 in a relationship
 

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