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Loving someone with Schizophrenia

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duvdar

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
6
Hello All

Back in October I meet a woman playing an online game we both enjoy and we started talking and hanging out all the time online. Before we knew it we both decided to share we were starting to like each other. Once that came out that we both felt something we started talking on the phone.

This woman had been hurt many times in the past and had a rough life and just got out of a tough relationship. She wanted to be honest and up front with me as she had never done so before with any man and shared with me that she suffered from the following. Depression, Anxiety (To where she does not travel at all outside a small radius of her home), Agoraphobia (Sorry for bad spelling and this was something she had at some point but not now), and she believed Bi Polar and Paranoia, and low self worth. She was up front and honest with me but I was not scared off at all. At the time I meet her I believe she was on Zoloft and nothing else. So we starting talking and skype and before we knew it I was scheduled to go visit her closer to her house.

I Made plans to spend about 25 days with her. So I took a trip from Jersey to Florida and we spent pretty much those 25 days with her living with me in the hotel. During that time she had her normal up and down periods and we had some tifts from time to time but for the most part we both got along great. I was calm and told her I could handle the swings and she was for the most part as about affectionate as a person can be with what she goes through. By the time I was getting ready to leave we were both very high on life when it came to the relationship and we planned for me to move back in early Feb for good. I had fallen in love with her and she had started to fall in the love with me. She would always say she was 60% of the way there. During the month of January we would skype just about every day however we would start to get in a disagreement here and there. About half way through the month of Jan she ran out of medicine and has not been on it since. Several things happened during this time. Things that were fault of both of ours. But we started getting in arguments more, our communication which was amazing starting going down the toilet with us always assuming the worst of each other. Despite all this we still felt we really had a strong connection in person so I still moved to Florida to be with her. When I came to Florida and things officially got real as they would say she was not the same. While she always had her fears, she was almost willing to throw it all away in the first 5 days. She even took a few days with her friend to just breathe and contemplate whether we should stay together. After which she decided to give it a go. However since then some things have changed. She claimed to have jumped too soon into saying I love you and now says she is in the beginning stages of falling in love, She has still not been on any meds and I have lost some of my patience and i stress her our big time almost every other day. And when she comes to spend a 3 or 4 days at my place because of stress she always wants to leave early rather then work out any stress. Her mind not on the meds has been all over the place. While she always had her fears she talked about us having a great shot at a future. Now she is always back and forth, makes it sound like a toss up. She has almost thrown away the relationship a few times. And every time she thinks about if she wants in or out of this relationship its never about her its always about her worrying about corrupting me, or me later getting resentment , or getting tired one day and finding a new women. I love this woman with all my heart and none of her illnesses will ever stop me from loving her. We have so much in common but we have lost the ability to communicate and i am stressing her out big time and not sure how to help. She just recently went to the doctor who told her she had schizoaffection or something like that. She is freaked about taking new meds and our relationship went from a very bright promising future to her being 50/50 on the relationship. Her doctor just prescribed new meds for her. One is an antidepresiant and the other a mood stabilizer. How much of this and her flip flopping on her feelings is her not being on any meds and which girl do I believe I have. the one I feel in love with on meds or the one of the meds. Leaving her is not an option for me. I love her with all my heart. I really need advice on how to help us communicate and maybe things we can try to destress that does not involve her needing to run home. Please any advice you can give me on how you all might handle this would be great. This is the woman I want to marry one day and need advice so she does not run from me due to illness or fear or me stressing her out.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
First of all I just wanted to say how great a person you are. You love and you don't give up, no matter how hard the going gets. Never underestimate how hard it is to love and live with someone who has mental health problems. There are many on this forum who will hate me for saying that but sobeit. I don't think anyone can advise you - your relationship with this woman may work out or it may fail but my advice to you would be...stay independent. If your relationship fails, there will be other relationships. Remember this.
 
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duvdar

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
6
Thanks for your input. I am not sure how this will all turn out but I want to be the last guy for her but not sure if that will be how it ends up. Guess time will tell.
 
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tl1191

Member
Joined
Mar 4, 2015
Messages
6
I would say just try your hardest and if you love her that's all you really can do. I hope things work out for you. So yeah like I said I hope that everything works out for you. Its hard to be in a relationship in general so hang in there
 
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colin13502

Guest
might take some flak for this but here goes, dont you think it might be a bad idea to move across the country and dive right into a serious relationship with a very mentally ill person who is off her meds? maybe im wrong but to me it seems kinda naive, yeah you love her but she has a major brain disease, whats to say shes capable of being in a serious relationship right now with all the crap thats probably going on in her head? you should give her some time to get healthy not pressure her to be serious with you because you love her. -rant over- just speaking from experience
 
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