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Love

G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,960
The messed up thing is this kind of exciting volatile thing is far more thrilling and enticing to me than something more stable and long term. To me that just kind of sounds like a death sentence. Who wants to end up in a long term relationship where they are bored and dissatisfied. Have been discussing with my therapist who said that there are very many couples in long term relationships who are bored and dissatisfied, the initial intensity and hotness of a relationship simply cannot last
The thing is as exciting as the fast intimacy is, it cant be sustained. Eventually that fire and passion slows down, and if you have nothing in common, no friendship beyond the sex, then both parties lose interest because there is nothing mental/emotional binding you together to get through the duller parts. It’s easy to leave.

It’s an addiction like any other, and creates a vicious cycle of lust, but not love, and leaves us alone and wondering why.

It ties into both our impulse control and self destruction tendencies, and for me, was a way to keep people at arms length so they never saw the real me that I was terrified to show ... they’d just leave me if they got to see the real me, etc.

it was a form of self protection.

When in reality, I (we) have a lot to offer and our flaws make our character, and are worth being loved.

That’s the base psychology for why I had this addiction, I would purposefully pick broken men because they would never push to get to know me on a deeper level, a friendship level that would sustain the relationship in good and bad. But everyone is different And that may not be your motivation..but it’s something to explore, the why, with your therapis.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,139
thankyou Dewey

would you agree with the statement
that everyone is beautiful ?

:hug5:
I am not sure.

Well, beautiful is a word that gets thrown around a lot and people use it to mean different things.
Generally the stereotype of physical beauty is certain facial features - thin faced, with strong cheekbones, attractive eyes, strong brows, plump lips, small nose. That's what we see in models all the time. It's a stereotype but most people buy into it.

Then others say beauty isn't something physical, it is something within.

I am not sure I would say I know what I find beautiful in another person, to be honest. I find it hard to be attracted to find people beautiful because that's a big leap for me, due to my trust issues. The first man I loved I found him beautiful because he was somehow distant and tortured, but it is a toxic thing to find someone beautiful for that reason. I can see that now. For now I try to see beauty in the world, though I really ought to try to see it in myself.

I suppose I see beauty in good people who do things for others, selflessly.
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,139
, and for me, was a way to keep people at arms length so they never saw the real me that I was terrified to show ... they’d just leave me if they got to see the real me, etc.

it was a form of self protection.
That's really interesting and the idea makes sense. Did you discuss this with your therapist?
 
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