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Love

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dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
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Anyone else feel like this.
I feel like love is impossible but I want really badly to be loved, but like love is dead in me after the first person I loved broke me. Now I just feel like I will never love again. I am jealous of people who found their first love and had great times together, great times travelling and someone actually believed they were worthy of love. For me I am always questioning why my person never believed I was worthy of love and used me. I am jealous of people who got to be in these long term relationships and settle down because no one ever believed that of me. I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I am deeply ugly and unworthy of love. I just feel deeply sad and like love is somehow impossible. All is dead within me even though I want so badly to be loved and valued. People always talk shit about how you have to love yourself first and then love comes to you, but honestly, I know people who are loved easily and get into relationships easily and its not necessarily because they have done some deep spiritual journey where they learnt to love themselves, it's simply that someone believes they are worthy of love.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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You need to love yourself dewey, appreciate your special gifts. We all have something in us that is uniquely beautiful but sometimes we are the only person that can see it.

This life can be hard and so we have to be our biggest supporter.
 
D

dewey

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You need to love yourself dewey, appreciate your special gifts. We all have something in us that is uniquely beautiful but sometimes we are the only person that can see it.

This life can be hard and so we have to be our biggest supporter.
so how comes some people are loved by someone else? because they deserve it
 
D

dewey

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because they are worthy of love, that's why someone commited to them. someone thought they were worth commiting to. that's why they get to be loved let's be honest
other women get seen as sex objects to just be had sex with and dumped. like me
 
G

Girl interupted

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My parents were not the stellar example of positive reinforcement, but my dad did tell me one thing that has turned out to be true after so many years of devaluing myself: It is a privilege for a boy to go out with you, not the other way around.

As bpd we tend to put all of our eggs in one basket and focus intently on the ones we love. It ties in with the fear of abandonment clause we have in our disorder. Throw in impulse control and you have a recipe for a very tumultuous relationship, and that’s just on our end.

Typical bpd is incredibly fast intimacy without the foundation or substance to make it lasting. The longest and best relationships are founded in friendship first so that they can withstand the bad days.

BPD is addictive for the person without bpd. It’s exciting and volatile and unpredictable and usually highly sexually charged.

But that unpredictability, coupled with our singular focus on a bf or gf is a pressure cooker and cannot be sustained. No one person should bear all the responsibility for our happiness. It’s not fair.

So is it hopeless? No.

You need to develop your own sense of self, your own circle of friends, your own interests so that if your significant other is busy with something else, it’s not the end of your world.

That independence, in turn, is highly attractive and will attract someone of like mind with his or her own interests.

A person comes into your life to add to it, not become it. That’s the difference.
 
Z

Zoe1

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just say every morning

' I am beautiful and I deserve to be loved '

three times, thats it

you will be affirming the truth not the lies
 
D

dewey

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Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
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My parents were not the stellar example of positive reinforcement, but my dad did tell me one thing that has turned out to be true after so many years of devaluing myself: It is a privilege for a boy to go out with you, not the other way around.

As bpd we tend to put all of our eggs in one basket and focus intently on the ones we love. It ties in with the fear of abandonment clause we have in our disorder. Throw in impulse control and you have a recipe for a very tumultuous relationship, and that’s just on our end.

Typical bpd is incredibly fast intimacy without the foundation or substance to make it lasting. The longest and best relationships are founded in friendship first so that they can withstand the bad days.

BPD is addictive for the person without bpd. It’s exciting and volatile and unpredictable and usually highly sexually charged.

But that unpredictability, coupled with our singular focus on a bf or gf is a pressure cooker and cannot be sustained. No one person should bear all the responsibility for our happiness. It’s not fair.

So is it hopeless? No.

You need to develop your own sense of self, your own circle of friends, your own interests so that if your significant other is busy with something else, it’s not the end of your world.

That independence, in turn, is highly attractive and will attract someone of like mind with his or her own interests.

A person comes into your life to add to it, not become it. That’s the difference.
I have many friends now, and no sense of self, and no interests. Nothing interests me in life except distracting myself from my own terrible self and mind through other people. That's how I sustain my friendships. They are my distraction.
I mean it when I say nothing excites me, there is nothing for me in the world, truly. I cannot think of a thing I Would like to do with my life. I am literally living for the people I love so they are not sad without me. PEople tell me surely there must be soemthing you are living for, but honestly it is just so those who are intricately linked with me such as my brother don't have to experience my death. I also live to work so I can pay bills and survive. Is that sad? Yes. Am I an unhappy person? Yes, deeply. I think life and love are sad and if I could die, I would in a heartbeat. Every day at work I an act out a person who is charismatic and caring and can make other people feel better, I leave work and I Instantly want to die because the distraction isn't there anymore. I can only distract myself from my own mind through others. Even if I call my friends and hang out with them, I am still sad, they know I am sad. I just want love and to be loved. Yet I know I do not deserve it. Deep down I do feel I am a piece of shit. I don't know how to resolve this pain and this belief, honestly therapy isn't helping with that. I do feel my life is insignificant. We are here, we roam around this planet, and we die. There is nothing that can make that meaningful. I have friends I care for such as yourself, but does that make me have a life purpose? No, and there is no life purpose for me. I will be yet another human life, invisible from out of space, and one that will rot in the ground on my death. I don't see how anyone can tell me there is purpose here. I have a few personal links but my life does not have impact and I don't see a value in much
 
G

Girl interupted

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Messages
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Two weeks ago we talked and you were feeling positive about therapy and possibly going back to school. You need to trace back what triggered this downward slump, because that’s all it is a slump, and talk with your therapist about it. When I have been in this funk I always assume I’m sad because of X, I needed my therapist to untangle the emotions and realize it was actually because of Y.

For now, stop focusing on finding your life’s meaning. It’s self defeating and is not where you heart and head is right now. There are countless great artists who never found their muse or purpose into well into life, some in their 50s!

You know that old expression, when you stop looking, you’ll find? That’s more because the person relaxes and subsequently becomes attractive.

You know who you are dear Dewey. You just need to ease up on the self pressure.

Breathe!
 
G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
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Do this exercise for me every morning. Now I know it sounds trite, but it works.

Find one thing that’s good in your day. It could be a cup of really good coffee, it could be that your hair turned out perfectly. It just has to be one simple moment of gratitude for something small.

What happened for me was that I began to notice other good simple things and that elevated my mood.

Really simple, but you have to do it diligently every day.

Im here for you kiddo. Xo
 
Z

Zoe1

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I think you're really impressive actually Dewey

like as if I could be a figment of your imagination !

you're very powerful
if only you could turn that power onto your self
 
D

dewey

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Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,139
Typical bpd is incredibly fast intimacy without the foundation or substance to make it lasting. The longest and best relationships are founded in friendship first so that they can withstand the bad days.

BPD is addictive for the person without bpd. It’s exciting and volatile and unpredictable and usually highly sexually charged.
The messed up thing is this kind of exciting volatile thing is far more thrilling and enticing to me than something more stable and long term. To me that just kind of sounds like a death sentence. Who wants to end up in a long term relationship where they are bored and dissatisfied. Have been discussing with my therapist who said that there are very many couples in long term relationships who are bored and dissatisfied, the initial intensity and hotness of a relationship simply cannot last
 
D

dewey

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Messages
1,139
just say every morning

' I am beautiful and I deserve to be loved '

three times, thats it

you will be affirming the truth not the lies
Thank you Zoe. I appreciate your words greatly
 
D

dewey

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Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,139
I think you're really impressive actually Dewey

like as if I could be a figment of your imagination !

you're very powerful
if only you could turn that power onto your self
:hug5:
 
Z

Zoe1

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thankyou Dewey

would you agree with the statement
that everyone is beautiful ?

:hug5:
 
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