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Love, But Don't Like

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LokiPokey75

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Apr 1, 2020
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Do you have a friend, partner, or even family member who you love, but don't like? Why do you feel that way? What has your relationship been like that has caused you to feel this way?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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The last person I was involved with was kind of an awful person. He was pretty self oriented and treated some people (me) in ways that served his own needs at the exclusion of most else. In short he treated me pretty badly. He swore a lot which I didn’t like. He hung out with kind of seedy people. He drank too much, smoked too much, ate too much, was a workaholic and had no self control. This meant he screwed around a lot. He was also s compulsive liar who would say and do just about anything to cover his butt. I think I felt that I loved him because we had sex enough times for chemical bonding to occur between us. During sex he could be very nurturing and gentle. He was more interested in mutual gratification. He was just a better person in bed than he was in reality. Because we exchanged intimacies together this way I guess I felt that I loved him. In a way I did love him. But I didn’t like him during most of our relationship...basically since I found out what a flawed person he was and the extent to which he was a total JERK.
 
L

LokiPokey75

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Apr 1, 2020
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The last person I was involved with was kind of an awful person. He was pretty self oriented and treated some people (me) in ways that served his own needs at the exclusion of most else. In short he treated me pretty badly. He swore a lot which I didn’t like. He hung out with kind of seedy people. He drank too much, smoked too much, ate too much, was a workaholic and had no self control. This meant he screwed around a lot. He was also s compulsive liar who would say and do just about anything to cover his butt. I think I felt that I loved him because we had sex enough times for chemical bonding to occur between us. During sex he could be very nurturing and gentle. He was more interested in mutual gratification. He was just a better person in bed than he was in reality. Because we exchanged intimacies together this way I guess I felt that I loved him. In a way I did love him. But I didn’t like him during most of our relationship...basically since I found out what a flawed person he was and the extent to which he was a total JERK.
Thank you JessisMe for relaying your story!

That sounds like an awful situation. I'm glad you were able to break free of it. What did you learn from it going into other relationships? What was your biggest takeaway?

And how have you recovered since then?
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Jan 15, 2020
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Hovering in the Atlantic
I’ve been hovering over this thread fighting a inner battle on whether to answer or not.

Personally, if my parents and my sister weren’t my family, I would have nothing to do with them. I love them because they are my family but I don’t like them.
 
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LokiPokey75

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Messages
262
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United States
I’ve been hovering over this thread fighting a inner battle on whether to answer or not.

Personally, if my parents and my sister weren’t my family, I would have nothing to do with them. I love them because they are my family but I don’t like them.
Hi Mal84! Thank you for your response. Can you elaborate on why you feel this way? It's okay if you don't want to.
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Hi Mal84! Thank you for your response. Can you elaborate on why you feel this way? It's okay if you don't want to.
My parents and sisters personalities are one that I can’t stand and we have completely different views on things.

I can’t elaborate on much more :)
 
EverybodyHurts

EverybodyHurts

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Jul 2, 2020
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348
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Bucks
The last person I was involved with was kind of an awful person. He was pretty self oriented and treated some people (me) in ways that served his own needs at the exclusion of most else. In short he treated me pretty badly. He swore a lot which I didn’t like. He hung out with kind of seedy people. He drank too much, smoked too much, ate too much, was a workaholic and had no self control. This meant he screwed around a lot. He was also s compulsive liar who would say and do just about anything to cover his butt. I think I felt that I loved him because we had sex enough times for chemical bonding to occur between us. During sex he could be very nurturing and gentle. He was more interested in mutual gratification. He was just a better person in bed than he was in reality. Because we exchanged intimacies together this way I guess I felt that I loved him. In a way I did love him. But I didn’t like him during most of our relationship...basically since I found out what a flawed person he was and the extent to which he was a total JERK.
Oh wow, this is so familiar to me! I had exactly the same situation with my ex. The sex was amazing and he was actually very giving in that department. But he was awful in every other way. He had narcissistic traits, and always needed to be the centre of attention. He lied, cheated, was always busy and I was way down the list of his priorities. He even used to 'break up' with me, only to wheedle his way back in again weeks or months later. And I fell for it every time because I was in love with him. God knows why - the good sex (you're spot on about the bonding there)?, the habit/addiction that he was? The fact the rollercoaster made me feel 'alive'? Who knows. I only know that it was very damaging to me, and I'm not sure I'll ever get past it in some ways.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Messages
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Nashua NH
Oh wow, this is so familiar to me! I had exactly the same situation with my ex. The sex was amazing and he was actually very giving in that department. But he was awful in every other way. He had narcissistic traits, and always needed to be the centre of attention. He lied, cheated, was always busy and I was way down the list of his priorities. He even used to 'break up' with me, only to wheedle his way back in again weeks or months later. And I fell for it every time because I was in love with him. God knows why - the good sex (you're spot on about the bonding there)?, the habit/addiction that he was? The fact the rollercoaster made me feel 'alive'? Who knows. I only know that it was very damaging to me, and I'm not sure I'll ever get past it in some ways.
Same here. Especially since I don’t think he really ever shared those feelings with me. He saw the relationship more opportunistically. What allows people like us to become duped into having deep feelings for these total butthead human beings? Looking back I’m ashamed that I let myself go through it. Like you the whole experience has damaged me immensely and I don’t see getting over it. All in all a pretty sad thing...
 
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Lavender_Rose

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Apr 12, 2020
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251
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United States
I think I kinda had that relationship with my mom for awhile or rather we had it with each other. It could have been normal teenager stuff but it felt worse than that. Things like I dont like you and you make it hard for me to love you were even said. It was a very rough time. It's better now though.
 
EverybodyHurts

EverybodyHurts

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Jul 2, 2020
Messages
348
Location
Bucks
Same here. Especially since I don’t think he really ever shared those feelings with me. He saw the relationship more opportunistically. What allows people like us to become duped into having deep feelings for these total butthead human beings? Looking back I’m ashamed that I let myself go through it. Like you the whole experience has damaged me immensely and I don’t see getting over it. All in all a pretty sad thing...
It is, but we have to keep telling ourselves that THEY were the problem, not us. I sometimes feel ashamed also, given the amount of times I let him back, but we can't help how we feel at the end of the day. I hate being led by my emotions - I would love to see things more logically, but it's just not who I am.
He has left quite a legacy in terms of my well-being, but I know that will improve. And hey - they both lost partners who unconditionally loved them, flaws and all. We lost cheating, lying idiots who were too daft to understand how rare that is!
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,805
Location
Nashua NH
It is, but we have to keep telling ourselves that THEY were the problem, not us. I sometimes feel ashamed also, given the amount of times I let him back, but we can't help how we feel at the end of the day. I hate being led by my emotions - I would love to see things more logically, but it's just not who I am.
He has left quite a legacy in terms of my well-being, but I know that will improve. And hey - they both lost partners who unconditionally loved them, flaws and all. We lost cheating, lying idiots who were too daft to understand how rare that is!
True dat! 👍
 
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