Lost

Zardos

Zardos

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Joined
May 30, 2013
Messages
2,460
i don't know what to do...am i destined to spend my life in complete isolation ?

i don't want to sit in this chair alone for another thirty years.. i don't want to live to be an old man with a myriad of health problems.. i just don't want to be any older.. My life is over now.. Its the end of the line.. I'm just the leftovers of a life.. i should have been tidied away.. When they shut down my life, they should of killed me.. There's nothing left for me.. My life is empty.. And the future is bleak..
i wish i was dead.. I've come real close on more than one occasion.. But i always seem to scrape by..

Why is the imperative to stay alive soo strong ? What's the point ? I'm genuinely having trouble understanding why people cling to life with such vigor.. Is it fear of the unknown that keeps us ticking ? Is that it ? That's the only reason I'm alive ? Fear of the unknown ?... That's a crummy reason to get up in the morning.

this is futile
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Apr 9, 2011
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,i identify with a lot of that ,fear of isolation ,wanting to be dead and not going through with it for fear of the unknown

the truth is i have no idea what i can say to make you feel better
i wish i could take your isolation and emotional pain away but i can't

i think you need more quality of life-i do to but it isn't easy to find that

do you go out at all? could your a CPN set up some groups for you to attend? that might help with isolation a little

although i think i could be surrounded by a hundred people and still feel alone

i hope the forum helps a little
lots of love
lu xx
 
Zardos

Zardos

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Joined
May 30, 2013
Messages
2,460
Hi ya :) thanks for replying

I'm in a no win situation really.. i can't stand being around other people but i feel lonely on myown.. When i first got out of the hospital my CPN tried her best to get me involved with activity groups but I'm really not into them.. i did go to one"'men's group" but it was depressing.. The average age must of been sixty.. it was a group of mainly widowers and the truth is it depressed me.. i never found a group of people i can relate to in real life.. They are either too old or too far gone.. i invested everything in my wife and family.. Even after the split.. So when she started ignoring me it some what gutted my life.. Christmas is going to kill me this year.. Going to be Lonely This Christmas... Its going to be tough staying safe.. a bottle of Vodka could kill me.
 
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