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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Lost with BPD

L

LostWithBPD

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
24
Location
UK
Hi
So I've only recently realised I have BPD. I've had to hit rock bottom to get here.

My wife won't speak to me, and I only get to see my children maybe once a week - which I know doesn't sound that bad, but it destroys me. I completely understand her reasons, but that doesn't stop the rollercoaster. I have completely withdrawn from society, I am out of work and have no idea how I move forward. There are only 3 people who I speak to, they are mildly aware of whats happening but don't really grasp it. I've been unintentionally crying wolf quite a lot on my slide down this slope, which is now backfiring on me.

I'm in the UK, so am waiting on the slow wheels of the healthservice to turn in order to get a formal diagnosis, and potentially some medication that might help. From what I've read I need DBT, and am happy to pay for this - but just don't know how to make the connection. All the therapists I find online seem to be individuals, and from what I understand a large component of DBT is the group therapy session, and potentially therapists operating as a group.

Can someone please help point me in the right direction, I feel lost, want to move forward but just don't know how to ?

thank you
 
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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Hello and welcome to the forum. The first step is to get your diagnosis. The NHS in your area may offer DBT so it may be worth asking about that before you find it privately. If not then there are places that offer group therapy. They have a start date so you would need to wait for it to begin. I found a place that are doing DBT.
 
M

MuminAcrisis

Member
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Jun 1, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Staffordshire
Hi and welcome, the fact you now know is going to help you a lot as you can now start to unravel the issue in your relationships and decode some of your behaviours too it will not be quite so confusing so start learning about BPD there is a book called the Beyond Blame System and BPDcentral is a great place with resources you will find useful, don't turn away from 121 DBP it will still be a good start. I wish you all the luck on your journey to recovery.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
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Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,391
Location
London, ON
BPD can also be co-morbid with things like depression and anxiety, which is likely something you should also look into.

It's hard at teh start, but you've made the biggest step - acknowledging something is wrong.
 
C

Char3

Active member
Joined
Mar 1, 2020
Messages
36
Location
Essex
I have just sent you a message x
 
Z

Zaz

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Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
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UK
I wouldn't put any hope in a diagnosis. My diagnosis from an NHS psychiatrist was possible BPD. I've since been through many support groups and 1-1 key worker sessions but I still feel confused and unsure as to what's going on and how I've ended up on a treatment plan for BPD with a possible BPD diagnosis. I've asked my gp and key worker and even senior members of staff at the resource centre but still can't get a definitive answer. And when I try to be more assertive I'm told my behaviour is unacceptable. Who knows what the solution is. I take each day as it comes and experience so many mood swings in one day it's all so tiring and seems never ending.
 
L

LostWithBPD

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
24
Location
UK
Hi Zaz - sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with your treatment plans. Have they not helped at all?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Delilah67

Delilah67

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
110
Location
Herefordshire
Hi and welcome.
I’m in Herefordshire and there is NO support here. Despite suspected BPD I didn’t get near a psychiatrist ( not even after a suicide attempt) only nhs Let’s Talk offering 6 sessions of solution based therapy ( which is useless for bpd).
I have no resource centre or key worker... nothing!
In the end I had to get a private assessment... yep I have probably had bpd for 30 years.
NICE guidelines recommend DBT but you can’t get in here and I’ve heard waiting lists are very long in other areas.
I found my therapist listed in Psychology Today ..she specialises in bpd. I’ve only had one session so far but I’m hopeful.
I have found this forum incredibly helpful in the few weeks I’ve been here.

I hope you get the support you need x
 
R

Rina2020

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
5
Location
london
Hi

Just dont know what to say, but I just want to try understand this diagnosis ive been given recently. I would like to listen to other people own experiences.

I pretty much gone underneath the radar of any mental health care/ support or medication. I managed my own mental wounds (BPD/ depression /Anxiety/ OCD) for 25 years with being in survival mode of fight or flight. From a young age ive had to survive and grow up in my own way not just from a mental aspect ( but socially, financially, no parents etc....) but everything a young human need to develop it into a balanced individual i never received.

But last years a sought of gave up was just so tired of this continuous circle of survival. This is when i was diagnosed with BPD and depression. Its so hard everyday trying to manage my own emotions but also trying to make ends meat, even though i super strong person. Hows do you all manage with your diagnosis day to day?

Thankyou to all who listen to my story and take care
 
Z

Zaz

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Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
Hi Zaz - sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with your treatment plans. Have they not helped at all?
They help a bit when I'm around people who know how I'm feeling but when things come to an end I usually sink back down into old ways and the emptiness returns very quickly. I'm still trying though 👍
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
Hi and welcome.
I’m in Herefordshire and there is NO support here. Despite suspected BPD I didn’t get near a psychiatrist ( not even after a suicide attempt) only nhs Let’s Talk offering 6 sessions of solution based therapy ( which is useless for bpd).
I have no resource centre or key worker... nothing!
In the end I had to get a private assessment... yep I have probably had bpd for 30 years.
NICE guidelines recommend DBT but you can’t get in here and I’ve heard waiting lists are very long in other areas.
I found my therapist listed in Psychology Today ..she specialises in bpd. I’ve only had one session so far but I’m hopeful.
I have found this forum incredibly helpful in the few weeks I’ve been here.

I hope you get the support you need x
That is awful I couldn't have imagined there could be less help available than there is here. There is private therapy here too but I just can't afford that.
It was the same for me here with regards to being told i have BPD...over 30 years before anyone mentioned it to me.
I went through a process for nearly 3 years and finally my chance of DBT was to start in April and covid put a stop to that. I bought a few books on it and tried to work through them but the group sessions play a big part in DBT too and it's a bit of a struggle. Just have to wait and see what happens.
I hope things work out with your new therapist and you get some much needed relief from what you are going through. Best Wishes and Good Luck 🙂👍
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
Hi

Just dont know what to say, but I just want to try understand this diagnosis ive been given recently. I would like to listen to other people own experiences.

I pretty much gone underneath the radar of any mental health care/ support or medication. I managed my own mental wounds (BPD/ depression /Anxiety/ OCD) for 25 years with being in survival mode of fight or flight. From a young age ive had to survive and grow up in my own way not just from a mental aspect ( but socially, financially, no parents etc....) but everything a young human need to develop it into a balanced individual i never received.

But last years a sought of gave up was just so tired of this continuous circle of survival. This is when i was diagnosed with BPD and depression. Its so hard everyday trying to manage my own emotions but also trying to make ends meat, even though i super strong person. Hows do you all manage with your diagnosis day to day?

Thankyou to all who listen to my story and take care
Hello 🙂
Sounds like you've had some difficult times over the years and I'm sorry to hear that. You've lived to tell the tale though and so that in itself is a great achievement. I don't really have any answers as such in how to cope with BPD in daily life. Every day is a struggle for me and I soooooo relate to your description of the continuous circle of survival. I do find benefits from group sessions but when they finish I have great difficulty continuing with what I've learned when I'm on my own. The only thing I've found which gives me some sense of relief is practicing meditation, tai chi and yoga. They give me some peace of mind and I'm not as angry as I used to be but I still find it a very lonely path. I'm still unable to work or be social and interact with others but I'm a bit more accepting of myself and others. I guess BPD affects different people in different ways and what works for one person may not work for another. I hope you find a way to cope that "fits" with you and I wish you all the best in whatever you do.
I've only been on here a few days myself and I find it helps to read other people's difficulties with living with mental health problems and it is certainly a relief to know that I am not alone on my journey. I hope this forum will give you some ideas of different ways to cope. 🙂👍
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,391
Location
London, ON
If you do tai chi and yoga, have you tried this? I mean, it goes hand in hand witht he physical.

Actually, those connect in a way, very strongly, with Mindfulness, which is core to DBT.

that state of calm and relaxed you get practicing yoga and tai chi is pretty much a mindful state, or should be. that's the state of mind you want to have when considering things that stress you, calm, accepting, without emotions biasing your judgement.

Try to fully embrace that feeling, get to truly know it, remember that feeling. then, use that memory of calmness as a goal when you feel upset. That's the state to "retreat" to during stress.

I've found having a mental picture of the state I want to be in, aids reaching that state.
 
M

Mumbojumbo93

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Leeds
How have you gotten your diagnosis? I have suffered for ten years and the more research I do I think BPD is more likely than just depression for myself yet all mental health teams I have come across don’t look for any other diagnosis. Even after ten years and no change/hope of change! Sorry to hear you are struggling!
 
R

Rina2020

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
5
Location
london
Thankyou so much to all for your caring response, concerns and advice.

Being Kind to ones self is the hardest thing to do for me. But i try and i will continue to try.
As i gave up last year which is a very sad/complicated story but Im here today. Which I deserve to be and everybody in world deserve to be.

Currently in my first 2 months of CBT ( also my mental health team trying to get be onto DBT and program especially supporting BPD (but extremely long waiting list and I may not eligible to certain program). Which i dont understand. But i know the NHS is so underfunded.

Hopefully i will kind the recipe to help me actually being kinder to myself and not to feel guilty. Fingercross. Internal piece in myself would be lovely.

Thankyou for all advice everyone it means so much to me- as i have people that understand where im coming from. Im glad im here talking. And hopefully i can help others also in return
 
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