Lost thread from me, Manda

M

Manda

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Leeds
#1
Spent ages on what is mental good health that we're been compared with but lost it because I'm rubbish and have never been on a drum before,
but Big Hello from Manda
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

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Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
757
Location
Minnesota, USA
#2
Hi @Manda and welcome to the forum.

I hope you find comfort, help and support here. Don’t hesitate to jump in and let us know how you feel or if you need to ask questions or someone to talk to 🙂
 
M

Manda

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Leeds
#4
I adore your image.Thank you so much for replying.
I found this forum when I was looking up suicide,but I'm not brave enough at the moment.
I haven't been particularly "mentally well" ever vallium
prescriptions when I was 7, 14 and 16 as an eg..
I've really messed up again. I keep getting periods where I don't see consequences and because my partner died just over a year ago I don't have anyone to pull me back any more.
And as we didn't have friends I am literally on my own.
xxx
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
757
Location
Minnesota, USA
#5
I adore your image.Thank you so much for replying.
I found this forum when I was looking up suicide,but I'm not brave enough at the moment.
I haven't been particularly "mentally well" ever vallium
prescriptions when I was 7, 14 and 16 as an eg..
I've really messed up again. I keep getting periods where I don't see consequences and because my partner died just over a year ago I don't have anyone to pull me back any more.
And as we didn't have friends I am literally on my own.
xxx
Thank you Manda 🙂
My image is an Assyrian winged bull from the Assyrian Civilization in Iraq.

I am so sorry and my condolences on the passing of your partner. Being alone is not easy to do but you are a very strong person. Don’t give up please. I suffer from loneliness even though I live with my family. I can relate to you. Don’t let negative thoughts control you.
We are all here to be your friends and I don’t just say it. I really mean it so if you need someone to talk to you can always count on me.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
757
Location
Minnesota, USA
#6
I forgot to ask you. Have you seen a doctor?
Getting diagnosed is very important so you can get the right treatment to get back on track.

Peace and blessings to you 🌺
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,594
Location
England
#7
Hi Manda,
I'm sorry your struggling right now, please see your dr. I'm going thru a bereavement so here to listen anytime.
Things should get easier with the right help.
I'm glad you've joined us.
Take care
 
M

Manda

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Leeds
#8
I have being seeing a doctor every 2 weeks since Mike died, but, apart from medication and leaflets for Cruse, he seems to not want to talk to me.I have told him that at times I'm suicidal but I will have nothing to do with mental health services, fat,middle aged women with a very long history of MPH are not "sexy" referrals. Neither are anxiety and depression.
Part of the problem is that I believe totally that the hospital contributed significantly to his death. He went for a stent fitting and should have been discharged the same day. He died 8 days later on 28 Dec 2017 in intensive care. At first, on the day they were fitting the stent I was told an "accident" had happened during the proceedure, but obviously after his death no such thing had happened. My GP won't discuss this me. There was a 1% chance of death with this procedure apparently and his consultant told me,in a meeting he called that he didn't understand why Mike had died. There's much more than this that has left me destroyed, including my mother telling me 8 months ago that I had made made myself ridiculous because I'm in a total mess every 28th and 23rd, when he was cremated.
I haven't been able to leave the house on my own for 15 years and find it impossible to trust people.I used to work in MH supported housing and knew people working in both statutory and community
services. I'm my role the pressure of the job was to find tenants for a shared supported house in order to protect funding for the next year. Finding would be tenants became less important than the
funding. I had been promoted to Team Leader before this was hideously apparant. Again there's more than this.
Now I'm totally emotionally on my own. I do share the house with someone I've known for a long time who l believe has Aspergers and is totally unable to deal with any conversations about emotions and goes to his room when I try to discuss anything about feelings.
I've been unable to work since the last job and terrified of meeting anyone from that period.
I thought I had a real friend in someone who had left the organization before I did but I stupidly told her that I compulsively pulled my hair out and never heard from her again. I disgust people.
The guy I share the house with is kind, he just doesn't understand why I'm an emotional wreak.
I haven't got any avenues to go down. I was sent ESA and PIP forms at the same time. I've already messed the PIP interview up and filled the ESA form the same day just after seeing a different GP who apparently no interest in saving the practice money but has zealously reduced my medication over the 3 times I've seen him. He hadn't read my notes and ignored me when I mentioned Mike. I hadn't realised that, in his lecture about knowing many people who had died because of taking 15mg of zopiclone daily, he had accidentally doubled my diazepam back to what he had reduced it from the previous fortnight. Unfortunately I didn't notice either
I went home feeling humiliated at what a piece of rubbish I was and drank beer and took a zopiclone and 2 diazepam because I needed to be away from myself for the rest of the day. Instead of sleeping I filled in the ESA form. It's a gross mess but I had no choice but to send it because I'd left it to late not to. By return of post I was sent a letter calling me in for an appointment with 1 1/2 week's notice.
I deserve this and won't be able to appeal because of the mess I made of the form.
I am so scared, I'm not thinking straight anymore. G and I are going to have problems keeping this house and I'm terrified I won't be able to feed the pussycats properly.
Mike and I would have been able to cope, he'd have stopped me getting into this mess in the first place if he could but at least he'd have me laughing about it.
His death always feels like yesterday, the whole relativity thing is too cruel. I wake up every morning crying.
I'm so sorry for being so boring xxx
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
757
Location
Minnesota, USA
#9
I have being seeing a doctor every 2 weeks since Mike died, but, apart from medication and leaflets for Cruse, he seems to not want to talk to me.I have told him that at times I'm suicidal but I will have nothing to do with mental health services, fat,middle aged women with a very long history of MPH are not "sexy" referrals. Neither are anxiety and depression.
Part of the problem is that I believe totally that the hospital contributed significantly to his death. He went for a stent fitting and should have been discharged the same day. He died 8 days later on 28 Dec 2017 in intensive care. At first, on the day they were fitting the stent I was told an "accident" had happened during the proceedure, but obviously after his death no such thing had happened. My GP won't discuss this me. There was a 1% chance of death with this procedure apparently and his consultant told me,in a meeting he called that he didn't understand why Mike had died. There's much more than this that has left me destroyed, including my mother telling me 8 months ago that I had made made myself ridiculous because I'm in a total mess every 28th and 23rd, when he was cremated.
I haven't been able to leave the house on my own for 15 years and find it impossible to trust people.I used to work in MH supported housing and knew people working in both statutory and community
services. I'm my role the pressure of the job was to find tenants for a shared supported house in order to protect funding for the next year. Finding would be tenants became less important than the
funding. I had been promoted to Team Leader before this was hideously apparant. Again there's more than this.
Now I'm totally emotionally on my own. I do share the house with someone I've known for a long time who l believe has Aspergers and is totally unable to deal with any conversations about emotions and goes to his room when I try to discuss anything about feelings.
I've been unable to work since the last job and terrified of meeting anyone from that period.
I thought I had a real friend in someone who had left the organization before I did but I stupidly told her that I compulsively pulled my hair out and never heard from her again. I disgust people.
The guy I share the house with is kind, he just doesn't understand why I'm an emotional wreak.
I haven't got any avenues to go down. I was sent ESA and PIP forms at the same time. I've already messed the PIP interview up and filled the ESA form the same day just after seeing a different GP who apparently no interest in saving the practice money but has zealously reduced my medication over the 3 times I've seen him. He hadn't read my notes and ignored me when I mentioned Mike. I hadn't realised that, in his lecture about knowing many people who had died because of taking 15mg of zopiclone daily, he had accidentally doubled my diazepam back to what he had reduced it from the previous fortnight. Unfortunately I didn't notice either
I went home feeling humiliated at what a piece of rubbish I was and drank beer and took a zopiclone and 2 diazepam because I needed to be away from myself for the rest of the day. Instead of sleeping I filled in the ESA form. It's a gross mess but I had no choice but to send it because I'd left it to late not to. By return of post I was sent a letter calling me in for an appointment with 1 1/2 week's notice.
I deserve this and won't be able to appeal because of the mess I made of the form.
I am so scared, I'm not thinking straight anymore. G and I are going to have problems keeping this house and I'm terrified I won't be able to feed the pussycats properly.
Mike and I would have been able to cope, he'd have stopped me getting into this mess in the first place if he could but at least he'd have me laughing about it.
His death always feels like yesterday, the whole relativity thing is too cruel. I wake up every morning crying.
I'm so sorry for being so boring xxx
You aren’t boring at all Manda.
I am very sorry that you are dealing with so much.
Is there anyway you can appeal that decision made on your case? There must be away out due to your mental health condition.
Is there any human services office where you get help in dealing with such cases? How about free legal services?

I can feel that the thought of losing your housing is causing a big deal of stress. You can’t solve everything all at once. I recommend that you focus on your living situation for now and look for solutions right away. Don’t wait any longer.

Can you see another doctor? I can’t imag seeing a doctor that doesn’t care or at least pretend to care.

I know it’s easier said than done but stay optimistic and hopeful. People in our situation seem to worry too much.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to to to the Human Services office to get all the help you can.

I don’t live in the UK so I am hoping that you have the same programs that are offered here in the US.

Take care Manda.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
M

Manda

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Leeds
#10
We do have Welfare Benefit local services, but our government's policies are so harsh that they are totally overloaded. They use a private company to do the assessments that get are, in everyone's opinion except from the Conservative government's, been paid bonuses to remove people's benefits. They are particularly aiming to take people with mental health problems off the appropriate benefits because we don't look obviously ill. I'm some cases they have claimed that people with cancer were got to work. I'm not making this up, you can find it on the web.
Mike was appealling, with help, against the decision they'd made on him, but he died before his appeal date. The assessors actually write up downright lies. In Mike's case, amongst many lies, they said he enjoyed going on the train to visit his sister. He hadn't spoken to her for well over a year. Apparently he also walked over a mile to the supermarket, his heart problems made any such thing impossible.
When you read on forums that people are terrified of these people believe them.
The company is so bad that 76% of people who can go through the appeal system win which shows that profit is the be all and end all. The ability to get the benefits you are entitled to is dependent on a profit making private company.
I rang them on Monday to explain I was dependent on my sister to get me there and had to change the appointment. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I couldn't change the appointment again or I would lose my benefits. This is from a company that claims it does not make the decisions about your benefit entitlements. The staff behave as though the money is person been taken out of their own wages. I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't a company bonus scheme.
You're not assessed by doctors but by "health professionals" which is a coveralls term of ever I heard one. A friend of Mike's who had 3 /4 3 day migraines a month was found got to work by a nurse.
Obviously people with mental health problems are the best victims because so many of us are not able to deal with a long appeal process, which can take months, and then be questioned, on their own, by a panel of 3 people asking them intrusive questions about how their mental health causes them problems in all aspects of their daily life.
About 7,600 people have died waiting for appeals. The system stinks. xxx
 
camrosescott

camrosescott

Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Basingstoke
#11
On the switch over from DLA to PIP I missed an appointment which I wasn't aware of and had my benefits stopped. It sent me into a tailspin for a long while. Eventually I reapplied and got some of them back, but lost the higher rate mobility.

There has been news that they are re looking at those that lost their entitlement due to missing an appointment. I have tried to find out if I am included in that but Ive been told so many different things that I don't really know.
 
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