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Lost novelty in life?

G

GrandDukeofGrauniad

New member
Joined
Mar 10, 2015
Messages
3
Before my depression started I was just starting to engage with the world, to define my interests and my goals for the future. One example is that I became interested in trying new forms of fiction after getting massively into fantasy fiction, and every convention or writing style I hadn't seen before became a novelty. But after 2-3 years with anhedonic depression, I've got in the habit of thinking about everything purely analytically. Say, if before I came across a torture scene in a book, before I'd have been shocked and engaged by it, having rarely read torture scenes. Now, despite hardly having read any work of fiction in the last few years, when reading such a scene I'd just think, 'oh, the author's writing a torture scene, presumably to shock me, or to have x dramatic effect.' In other words, there's no real engagement with things anymore, and even though I'm starting to enjoy things again, they only entertain me and never excite or immerse me in the way they did before, and my attitude's changed so much that I've completely bypassed that sense of discovery that comes from experiencing new things. Reading is just one example, but it's like that for me with everything now. It's as if having been unable to enjoy these things has changed my perspective on them, and having missed the development I should have had in my late teenage years has made me prematurely world-weary. I'm worried this is a permanent change in worldview rather than just a temporary symptom of depression, and though I'll be able to enjoy life it will never excite me in the way it once did. Does anyone else feel this way, and do you know if it ever gets any better? (Sorry if I didn't explain that very well)
 
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