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Lost myself

M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
hi all,
So anxious and exhausted

I feel like I dont know me I've spent my life living by what I think others want me to do say and think and now I've run out of steam they have drained my battery and I feel empty , I don't know how or where to look for the real me who never lived,I Mourne her, she has missed out on life been buried while I tried to be what I thought people wanted me to be, can i find her, have i time ,im overwhelmed by the thought that my life has not been lived true to myself in the most part,its nearly too sad to comprehend it weighs on me physically as well as emotionally and spiritually ,the burden of regret for not having allowed the real me to blossom is nearly impossible to bear,i feel broken ,scarred and scared but I know i must go on
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
3,916
Location
England
You have come a long way to realise you have been living for others and not for yourself. This shows that now is the time to do what is right for you. I understand you have regrets but you have the chance to change things now. It can be hard to find out what you want and like after never being able to learn those things. Maybe now is the time to think about things you may want to try. Have you anything that appeals to you?
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
Thanks ,at this moment I'm taking a little time to reflect on my discovery it has shaken me so much I feel untethered and need to stabilise my thoughts,I am going between guilt,sadness, anger a rollercoaster,so some quiet time and then I will see what comes up that I feel will dip my toe into some self care sonething for me ,im also conscious I have to learn how to protect me when I find her boundaries need setting
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
3,916
Location
England
You sound like you have a very helpful way of dealing with it and recognising the different emotions.
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
Hi ,I can see what i need to do i seem to be able to describe what is off kilter deep inside,but getting the energy to do is my problem ,im still so so sad for the loss of opportunity and fulfillment 50 yrs +that I have missed out on its hard to see how to climb the mountain of self discovery and if i reach the summit after what could be an arduous climb will I have time to explore nourish and experience my new me or if it takes years to get there as I'm sure it will have its roadblocks will it have been wasted effort.....
feeling very overwhelmed by all this the acknowledgement of how I've never been true to me and the unfathomable journey to discover who I am and the fear that the real me might be better off left buried,my head is a mess and my heart is craving to meet me cos I came to this point because i knew there was an emptiness in my heart in my very essence and I yearn to be whole again to be me ,myself ,I .
Im crying out for completion ,i need the feeling of living for me i don't want to be selfish but I want me to be at the centre of my world and to be a consideration in hiw I deal with others.
I hope I can get there!!!
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
The real you has always been there. That's how you.came to your discovery. I used to live my life for others too and made a conscious decision not to do it anymore. I lost everyone around me because they couldn't understand the "new" me. But honestly, even though I live a very isolated life with no friends it was the best thing I ever done. I took up meditation and yoga and tai chi and travelled all around Asia and Africa and really discovered myself. It's not easy stepping into the unknown and leaving behind all that you're used.to whether good or bad... but it is possible. Listen to your heart and it will lead you where you wish to go. Look at it as a new beginning... the start of the rest of your life. I wish.you good luck in your journey of self discovery 🙂
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
At the moment its hard to find a starting point but I will,years of bad practice is hard to change I take hope from people who have made changes and are now contended and at peace with them selves "their real selves"
I am starting the search and I know it has risks but im sure it will be worth it ....thank you for sharing 🌈🌈🌈🌈
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
2,550
Location
Glasgow
At the moment its hard to find a starting point but I will,years of bad practice is hard to change I take hope from people who have made changes and are now contended and at peace with them selves "their real selves"
I am starting the search and I know it has risks but im sure it will be worth it ....thank you for sharing 🌈🌈🌈🌈
Your self realisation is a big step. So is starting to talk about how you are feeling! Your already taking a good step forward, well done. You will find your way a wee bit at a time xx
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
Thanks ,I have started counselling because I know i need help to kick start a process of recovery,I suppose im inpatient to rediscover or discover me and move forward so I need someone to help put it in perspective and make the process manageable ,its a weird place to be in my heart having let go of my admission of having never been true to myself gives a kind of release of tension ,lifting a heavy heart a little but a new impatience now sits deep waiting for me .a gaping emptiness waiting to be filled
I think the journey will be mt everest with shangri last on top so worth the trip !!!!(hopefully)
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
2,550
Location
Glasgow
Thanks ,I have started counselling because I know i need help to kick start a process of recovery,I suppose im inpatient to rediscover or discover me and move forward so I need someone to help put it in perspective and make the process manageable ,its a weird place to be in my heart having let go of my admission of having never been true to myself gives a kind of release of tension ,lifting a heavy heart a little but a new impatience now sits deep waiting for me .a gaping emptiness waiting to be filled
I think the journey will be mt everest with shangri last on top so worth the trip !!!!(hopefully)
it will be well worth it. You already made the first few steps and they are always the most difficult. Im rooting for you
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
A really bad feeling now, it has been suggested that I may be a co dependent giving ,caring but also manipulative and controlling and enabling and here was me thinking I had lost me to doing good for others now it seems not only have I damaged the real me but now my heart is broken thinking of all the damage I have done to others in the name of helping,thus is too much to take in ,im devastated!!!
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
I'd take whatever a person who calls you manipulative or controlling with a pinch of salt. It's hardly helpful to be told that 🙂
 
M

Maggimay1

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
14
Location
ireland
Certainly not helpful I am having a difficult enough time ,didn't need that,a pinch if salt yes.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,363
I think it's important to be true to ourself. We know our likes, our dislikes, our true characters that can always be improved/changed and built on. I think we should follow our instincts. Hope this helps :)
 
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