- Jun 27, 2018
So this forum is about experiences. These experiences I'm about to talk about or what led me down the spiraling path of depression and PTSD. When I was a little boy, I was very very shy and mostly clung to my mother. My father convinced me of how worthless I was, that I should have never been born and that I would not amount to anything, any six-year-old boy hearing these things from his own father is just very devastating and I grew to hate him very much. A nine-year-old boy just should not be made to hate his own father. Okay here is the most devastating events that I know for a fact ruined my entire life. As I mentioned before, I was a very shy little boy and very private. At the ages of eight, nine, 10 I would not let anyone, including family without clothes except for two others. I had no problem taking showers with him and swimming naked in our pond outback. I had an older cousin, at least 18 years old or more that I really looked up to and him I also trusted fully. He would visit from out-of-state and I would, at around nine years old, sleepover at my grandmother's house because I wanted to be with David as I at that age wanted to be cool like him. I trusted him enough to be naked or in my underwear and it was no big deal. Sometimes I would get scared from may be the weather or something and the thing to do was crawl into bed with David and it made me feel very safe. On one of his visits I have crawled into bed with him and was going to go to sleep but David slowly and manipulativly talked me into touching him and it was the most uncomfortable feeling I had ever had. Also while at my house, we were swimming in the pond outback and he began to do worse things that no nine-year-old boy was capable of understanding what was going on. I've talked about this to a therapist I once had and it is still so very hard to talk about. I was molested from nine years old for almost 3 years and one question has always eaten at me. Although there was no chance I would go to my father about this, I had a very loving mother and I still don't know why I did not go to her right off. Kids that are molested have this thing about blaming themselves, that maybe they could have stopped it and I certainly fell into that belief even though I never for one moment wanted any of it to happen. I had just turned 12 years old and I told David I did not want him to do that stuff anymore and it ended but my life as it was going to go had just begun. Between my father's hateful rhetoric, getting drunk and taking it out on me and what David did I know for the most part ruined my life and it makes me madder than hell. I lost my trust in every one that I knew and everyone I was to meet and could not ever form a lasting relationship. Along with becoming disabled and the molestation, I fell into a deep dark abyss of depression that the child should have to suffer with. I think that's all I'm going to write for now except for one thing. I think that any adult that harms a child, sexually or otherwise should may be given the death penalty. Every day in our country 1 in 5 boys under the age of 16 are molested and it absolutely breaks my heart because once it's done that child and never live a normal life again and I feel like that's like killing someone. If anyone here on the forum can relate and wants to post then please do so. And again thanks for the welcome into this forum...
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