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Losing my wife

E

esaciar

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
1
I don't know what the hell is happening. After getting back from a day out a few days ago, my wife and daughter spent time at her parents' house. They came back over the weekend, but she was very quiet. We'd had a bit of an argument about how to discipline our daughter and I had said I felt a bit ignored at times.

When they came back, she said she wasn't happy. Again. This must be the third time she had told me on the past few months.

I was angry and frustrated and left the house. I walked around a while and ended up in a pub slowly getting drunk. We've been through a lot in the last few days and she has said that she wants me to move out. I'm living with my parents but I feel so much shame, regret and guilt that it is eating me alive. My wife and child have always been my every waking thought and I have sacrificed so much for them, but I am bitter, cynical and depressed at times and that has taken a toll...

I can't lose her, but I've tried everything. I've been more caring, more attentive and more focused. I've tried to calm my frustrations and be more willing to help out around the house, but my depression absolutely exhausts her at times and I can understand. But I can't be so different that I stop being me.

She is an amazing woman and I'd lie down in traffic for her and the bairn. But I can't give her what she needs and I'm terrified of losing her.

I'd be nothing. Less than nothing.

She doesn't seem to think this is salvageable ...keeps telling me she wants us both to be happy and this isn't doing it.

But losing her would destroy me. Utterly. Totally. Completely.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi escalar

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Could you suggest to your wife that you go together to see a marriage guidance counsellor and try to work through your problems, as it would be sad to give up on your relationship without doing everything possible to save it?

Have you had any kind of help with your depression, maybe a course of psychotherapy? If not, perhaps if you agreed to get help with this it would show you were trying to get better. I think you should consider this anyway, it would help to have extra support.

I hope things go better for you.

Best wishes, Sarah
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. :hug1:

Having a family, especially when you're depressed, is very stressful. It's so understandable that you and your wife would come across hard times in your relationship, but that doesn't mean this can't be solved. I agree wholeheartedly with SarahD's advice: marriage counselling might be a really good option for you two, especially if you sometimes feel ignored because that shows that maybe you're not able to communicate fully with each other right now.

Are you having therapy for your depression?

I think another really good thing to do - if you feel she would be receptive - is to have a good, long talk with your wife, and tell her how much you care for her and your child, that you know the depression can be exhausting for her, but you're going to work to make it better and you'd like her support? Sometimes, I imagine, those who care for us when we're depressed sometimes struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel, like we do - but if you focus on a goal, together, maybe that'll help things and make things more positive?

Wish you all the best and I hope this rough patch passes for you both quickly. :)
 
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