B
Bubblyblue
Member
- Joined
- May 16, 2009
- Messages
- 16
Hi everyone. I'm new here, and just spotted this great forum. I am posting here because I feel very scared and stressed about things. I could go on all night about my life story and mental illness, but I am just going to try and keep it to the point.
Few facts about me:
At age 16, I attempted suicide, but survived. I then made a promise to myself, a goal which I am attempting to achieve, to become a professional psychologist and help others with mental health problems. Ever since I have dedicated myself to this goal.
I have been suffering from depression and obsessional behaviour for about 10 years, however only did something about it last year (in 2008), after completely losing the ability to cope with work and personal stress, not being able to make my own decisions and constantly crying, sadness, alcohol addiction, which was beginning to make me lose my job. I did lose my job last year, as I drank alcohol at work, was put on sick leave, came back and drank again, then was told I would be going on disciplinary actions, but resigned beforehand. I saw a counsellor for my alcohol addiction and receovered.
After several job interviews and rejections due to a poor reference, I got my current job, as the boss was understanding of my illness and pleased I was recovering (or I thought I was). I hadnt touched a drop of alcohol for months and months, but in March this year, I drank at work, and told my boss. Yesterday I was told I am now under disciplinary procedure, which could lead to a work dismissal, due to gross misconduct. Despite my mitigating circumstances, and been told my work is of excellent quality, there is a high chance of being sacked once the hearing is gone through.
I have been very very upset since this incident, and if I lose this job, I wont be able to get another similar job, my career is over, my family dont know anything at all about the severity of my problems and alcohol addicition last year, or what is currenly happening, so if I lose my job, I dont know how I would explain it to them. They dont really believe in mental illness and I am stigmatised. I feel like a failure and hopeless. I have been making plans to kill myself all day today. I attend to do it when I find out I am definately being sacked (which is about 4 weeks off).
I am scared, very scared, and I have been impulsive in the past, and If I lose my job, it really is the end of me. I dont know what to do, I feel like that my depression is not recovered, and at the same time, I feel like I have been being punished for being depressed. I cant tell anyone at work about my suicidal plans, cos they may think of it as a threat.
I do feel fit enough to work and do things, but just that one moment of weakness I had in March, where I drank alcohol to make me feel more lively and confident at work, I dont know what to do. I have seeked legal advice, and they all say, it could end up as being a dismissal.
Please advise or anything, any support, please, my friends dont seem to understand. Thank you.
BB x
Few facts about me:
- I'm female, aged 22, and live in England
- I'm a psychology postgraduate student
- I have been on antidepressants (citalopram) for 9 months
- Saw a psychologist for cognitive behaviour therapy for 6 sessions
- Having counselling once a week at present
At age 16, I attempted suicide, but survived. I then made a promise to myself, a goal which I am attempting to achieve, to become a professional psychologist and help others with mental health problems. Ever since I have dedicated myself to this goal.
I have been suffering from depression and obsessional behaviour for about 10 years, however only did something about it last year (in 2008), after completely losing the ability to cope with work and personal stress, not being able to make my own decisions and constantly crying, sadness, alcohol addiction, which was beginning to make me lose my job. I did lose my job last year, as I drank alcohol at work, was put on sick leave, came back and drank again, then was told I would be going on disciplinary actions, but resigned beforehand. I saw a counsellor for my alcohol addiction and receovered.
After several job interviews and rejections due to a poor reference, I got my current job, as the boss was understanding of my illness and pleased I was recovering (or I thought I was). I hadnt touched a drop of alcohol for months and months, but in March this year, I drank at work, and told my boss. Yesterday I was told I am now under disciplinary procedure, which could lead to a work dismissal, due to gross misconduct. Despite my mitigating circumstances, and been told my work is of excellent quality, there is a high chance of being sacked once the hearing is gone through.
I have been very very upset since this incident, and if I lose this job, I wont be able to get another similar job, my career is over, my family dont know anything at all about the severity of my problems and alcohol addicition last year, or what is currenly happening, so if I lose my job, I dont know how I would explain it to them. They dont really believe in mental illness and I am stigmatised. I feel like a failure and hopeless. I have been making plans to kill myself all day today. I attend to do it when I find out I am definately being sacked (which is about 4 weeks off).
I am scared, very scared, and I have been impulsive in the past, and If I lose my job, it really is the end of me. I dont know what to do, I feel like that my depression is not recovered, and at the same time, I feel like I have been being punished for being depressed. I cant tell anyone at work about my suicidal plans, cos they may think of it as a threat.
I do feel fit enough to work and do things, but just that one moment of weakness I had in March, where I drank alcohol to make me feel more lively and confident at work, I dont know what to do. I have seeked legal advice, and they all say, it could end up as being a dismissal.
Please advise or anything, any support, please, my friends dont seem to understand. Thank you.
BB x