- Dec 24, 2019
And I am very
I am very sorry for what you went through. You are strong to be able to talk about it and resilient for working on your trauma. Thank you for your advice here. I really do appreciate it.I'm stuck in a similar situation as your friend. My abuser had brain cancer and rebounded so many times, they called it a miracle, too. It still didn’t change the daily onslaught of abuse, which grew more violent as the tumour took over.
I stayed and took care of her because that is what I was programmed to do, to ignore my own pain and be engulfed by hers. If my father had been capable beyond juvenile and terrified response, I might have found a way to get some distance. But he was weak from years of being on the bad end of her temper, and there was nobody else.
I started to untangle, revert to those feelings of self loathing, always on the verge of being suicidal or a breakdown. And it was because I was trapped, I had no choice. There was nobody else.
Unless you are a child of abuse, it’s hard to explain. You tend to put yourself last, when what you need is a support network that puts you first. Only you have so little self esteem, so little sense of self that you are either afraid to ask, because you feel so unstable, or you don’t feel you deserve it.
Nobody should be anyone’s sounding board for abuse. Boundaries are important. But understand from a bpd perspective, our greatest fear is abandonment, to hysterical non-rational levels, and setting those boundaries without giving full context will likely create a trigger.
I recognize what your friend is going through, because I lived it. And the abuser will typically leverage their control in all kinds of atrocious manners.