- Dec 24, 2019
I miss my best friend. For anonymity purposes, we will call her Amy. Any and I have been friends for years, but in the past year and a half have become very close. She was my other half (besides my spouse). Complete opposite of me but we respected and cared for each other a great deal. We have taken care of each other’s kids and we a have shared so much. In July of this year she allowed her abusive father back into her life. For years she had told me about the things he used to do to her and her siblings. Her mother also abandoned the family when she was a pre teen. And she was left to live with this man and protect her you g siblings. She said that her father had terminated al cancer and that she was the only one who could care for him. As time went on, she started to change. For awhile she was isolating herself and she wouldn’t return calls or texts or when I would see her she would look right through me as if I didn’t exist. And then things started to get better and then all of a sudden it was like a light switch flipped and she would attack me out of no where. Vicious verbal attacks. In the years that I have known her, I have never seen her like this. She apologized once. Telling me that she was “broken”, “all of a sudden very lost”, and that she needed help. She also admitted to me that she had been secretly drinking heavily and believed she had a drinking problem. I helped her find a therapist and some outpatient rehab locations and I think she was going for sometime. By the time October came around, I would reach out and sometimes it would be the old her and then one night she became so out of line with me. Telling me she wished she never knew me, that I was controlling her and she wouldn’t allow it, that I ruined her life and a ton of other very hurtful statements. I was beyond shocked, hurt and betrayed. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression and it sent me in a tail spin. I told her I needed break from our friendship because for 3 months all she had done was attack me and I couldn’t handle it anymore. After that she fell apart. When i would see her, she would ignore me most of the time. Then one day out of the blue she started talking to me again and we started to reconnect, but I was still guarded. And then an attack happened again recently. She accused me of talking about her and sharing all her secrets and that I am secretly setting up to destroy her. All because I was talking to the “wrong or bad” people. The same people she had been talking to only days before. I asked her if she wanted to talk in person and she refused and instead sent me a very long, untrue and insulting email. Accusing me of things that called into question my integrity and character. This time I responded by simply telling her what she was saying was not true. She asked me to leave her alone, so I did. But then she sent me a text in the middle of the night. I responded simply and she disappeared again. In this time I found out what BPD is. And my beautiful friend is borderline. It’s not her fault. Her trauma is deep and I recognize that. I want to support her the best I can but I don’t want to be in her crosshairs. What do I do? I feel like she is pushing me away but at the same time doesn’t want me to leave. I’m so confused. I miss my best friend so much. But I don’t know who this woman is. Is she even still there?