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Losing A Friend

DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
112
Location
Netherlands
Me and my caretaker stayed friends - after she had quit her job. She now broke that friendship because she said she could not see me as a friend. The caretaker-caregiver role dogma has seemingly made its way into her soul. I am left hopeless, heading nowhere. Dumbfounded and confused.

Annet

I wake up disappointed and disillusioned. Thoughts are racing through my mind. Did this really happen? How could she? You’d have to be ice cold to do something like that. To drop me like a brick. To cut me off like a cancerous lump. At the start I thought her a sign that the universe might not be cruel and uncaring after all. Now I am convinced that there is a demon somewhere laughing. Wanting to see me fade.

I have decided to give the owl shawl I bought for your birthday to my little sister. You don’t deserve it anymore in my opinion. At first I wanted to write a note: maybe we could have stayed friends in a parallel universe. <3 Joost. But I don’t believe in alternative timelines… I learned something as of late: ‘you got to stop watering dead plants’ Something I am not good at, but something I have to do. You only have ONE life. And apparently you do not want to share yours with mine. That is your choice, but then you have to deal with the consequences.

Heartless, fucking heartless Annet! You shared your deepest feelings, fears and hurt with me. But apparently I did not get to know you at all! And then you could say: “Don’t be so childish’. Well… These sort of things destroy someone, or at least that’s what it does to me. I hope I die soon so I don’t have to deal with this bullshit any longer. “I can’t do anything about it… I just cannot see you as a friend” **inadequate moans**. Well, I do see you as a friend Annet, and I love you.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,155
Location
Nashua NH
This is full of very rich feelings and is quite beautiful. I’m so sorry you lost a friend. :hug:
 
Mario82

Mario82

Taking a break
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
3,774
Location
UK
I can feel your pain and sorrow through the screen, gorgeous writing. Annet seems pretty heartless tbh, you seem nice and if there is any justice you will make friends who will appreciate you in future.
 
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Boudicca

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
392
Location
London
I’m sorry that you lost your friend. I’m sorry she couldn’t be a real friend to you. My heart goes out to you. I have recently lost a friend too. I’ll never see her again because she passed away a week ago today.
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
112
Location
Netherlands
I am sorry to hear that Boudicca. Life can be unfair sometimes. I found a beautiful expression today that I would like to share with you: "True loss occurs only when you lose something you love more than you love yourself". May we find solace in the fact that our love lives on even when the person for which it is meant is gone. Also lets be thankful for the time we did get to spend together and the memories that linger.
 
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Boudicca

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
392
Location
London
I am sorry to hear that Boudicca. Life can be unfair sometimes. I found a beautiful expression today that I would like to share with you: "True loss occurs only when you lose something you love more than you love yourself". May we find solace in the fact that our love lives on even when the person for which it is meant is gone. Also lets be thankful for the time we did get to spend together and the memories that linger.
Thank you very much for your kind words. That saying is very true. Thank you for sharing it with me. I appreciate it greatly. :hug:
 
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blankstare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
53
Location
oklahoma
Im sort of confused about the dynamic of your relationship together. Did she see you and want you as more than a friend and you didnt like her like that? Or is that backwards? Can you clear that up for me?
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
112
Location
Netherlands
"She now broke that friendship because she said she could not see me as a friend." We were friends, and as far as I know neither of us wanted more than friendship. She ended our friendship because she couldn't see me as something more than a client. Even though she specifically asked her employer if it was fine if we stayed friends after the quit her job. She did however trust me enough to share some of her deepest feelings and struggles in her life with me. That's why it is very confusing for me that she broke down what we had.
 
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Boudicca

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
392
Location
London
Yes her actions do sound confusing. It seems like she might have changed her mind about the friendship. I don’t understand why she would share her feelings with you and then turn around and do this. I’m really sorry you are hurt by this. People can be very contrary and confusing. Hugs to you from me. :hug: I’m always here if you need a friendly ear.
 
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blankstare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
53
Location
oklahoma
Im sorry, I know how much it hurts to lose someone you thought was a friend. It could very well be she met someone or simply doesnt have the time anymore. Dont take it personal, you did nothing wrong.
 
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