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Looking to change myself for better

C

ConfusedDude

New member
Joined
Sep 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Tx
If this is the wrong place then I apologize. I'm wanting to change most of my personality for what I think the better..

At work for example. I go above and beyond always, don't complain, always friendly, help someone struggling, etc... I go unnoticed while watching others who are buddy buddy with the bosses get raises, promotions, and praise for sitting around doing nothing. I've been tracking my brain as to why me, who I do all I can to be a good leader and supporter, gets Jack. While, anon who does the exact opposite an ideal employee should do and gets the gold. I've come to a conclusion that it has to be my personality and way I portray myself... My self esteem isn't very high, and I question myself in my head after everything I say or do. I've been faking confidence, but no dice. I'm almost certain people pick up on those vibrations, and I want so bad to either change or train myself to change to that. Not just mentally, but to where people notice. Is something like this just absolutely out of a realm of possibility?
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
3,030
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
Hey :) I think the issue at hand here is what you've said in that first line - you go above and beyond but the boss doesn't notice, while others who with the boss will get the promotion you want. How does promotion work at your workplace? At some places, they will automatically review you and offer you the promotion; at others, you have to request the promotion/raise yourself. The boss isn't always looking at what you're doing, so (depending on the procedure), you can use all the things you've done as evidence for a promotion/raise. Look into this first, and then if that doesn't work we can look at personality/work etc <3
 
Z

Zaz

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
UK
If you're a kind caring person then just be you. I wouldn't change my personality to fit a job, I'd look for a job that fits me. I know it's frustrating to see others being rewarded while you aren't but at the end of the day the further up the ladder you go the less being a kind, caring person matters. It all becomes about money and power and people lose sight of who they really are. I think you being a kind person far outweighs any monetary gain. Just my opinion 🙂
 
C

ConfusedDude

New member
Joined
Sep 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Tx
Thanks yall! I actually looked into it and I've found these affirmations you listen to while sleeping, and I'm going to give those a try. They claim to help with self esteem, confidence, and other things. I think it could do a bit a good.
 
M

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
239
Location
Midwest USA
If this is the wrong place then I apologize. I'm wanting to change most of my personality for what I think the better..

At work for example. I go above and beyond always, don't complain, always friendly, help someone struggling, etc... I go unnoticed while watching others who are buddy buddy with the bosses get raises, promotions, and praise for sitting around doing nothing. I've been tracking my brain as to why me, who I do all I can to be a good leader and supporter, gets Jack. While, anon who does the exact opposite an ideal employee should do and gets the gold. I've come to a conclusion that it has to be my personality and way I portray myself... My self esteem isn't very high, and I question myself in my head after everything I say or do. I've been faking confidence, but no dice. I'm almost certain people pick up on those vibrations, and I want so bad to either change or train myself to change to that. Not just mentally, but to where people notice. Is something like this just absolutely out of a realm of possibility?
I don't think you need to "change you" but find the things about yourself that are already there. The parts of you that are beautiful. I think that you also have accept your bad qualities as well that way you can see that you are only human. People are flawed but there is more good than bad inside of people, but when your self esteem is low all you see is the bad and some of what you see as bad isn't nearly as bad as you think.

I commonly feel unnoticed by others, maybe it's a lack of participation? Because deep inside I feel like I don't belong with them, and people also stress me out. More recently I have confronted these feelings and theories and I have been steadily trying to engage with family members more (I haven't been out much since the pandemic). During these moments I tell myself. "Yes, it's okay to say that. You have the right to speak."
And I found that things don't end as horribly as I thought it would.

Then I also focus on things I'm good with and I remind myself I am not being arrogant,
I am just trying to find the things I am good with.
I am very maternal, I can stay up at night taking care of him and I love to watch him grow, I don't like being separated for long periods of time from him and all the motherly things I do I love.
I am very empathetic, now this one was harder for me to accept, I thought I was just being arrogant but, many people have told me this is true because I'm good at understanding what people are feeling and I'm good at making them feel better.
I am a storyteller, I write better when I'm using a computer not a phone lol that's why I have so many typos here. I am good at writing believable characters. And I am very passionate during certain times (other times not so much which is why I'm not a "great" story teller)
I don't complain too much, and when I do complain it's to find a compromise on the subject or if I'm wrong I will accept it and apologize.

My bad qualities are
I get unmotivated fast. I have weeks when I can brainstorm but then, I can't do anything.

If something isn't done right, of I screwed up I give up fast and have desire to go back. Been working on this.

I get angry but then I feel super terrible about it and it consumes my entire day.

I know I probably have more things to address but these are good and bad things I am focusing on to improve my self esteem. Maybe you can think of your good and bad qualities like me and focus on how to improve your self esteem?

Everyone has good qualities, there's always something unique and good about each person. I think people more commonly focus on the bad parts of themselves rather than the good. I know it can be hard to see those parts as well, it took me so long to see my "good" qualities and there are still many times I find myself focusing too heavily on all the bad. But I think it's important to try to love yourself.

I hope this helps and it isn't too rambley
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
571
If this is the wrong place then I apologize. I'm wanting to change most of my personality for what I think the better..

At work for example. I go above and beyond always, don't complain, always friendly, help someone struggling, etc... I go unnoticed while watching others who are buddy buddy with the bosses get raises, promotions, and praise for sitting around doing nothing. I've been tracking my brain as to why me, who I do all I can to be a good leader and supporter, gets Jack. While, anon who does the exact opposite an ideal employee should do and gets the gold. I've come to a conclusion that it has to be my personality and way I portray myself... My self esteem isn't very high, and I question myself in my head after everything I say or do. I've been faking confidence, but no dice. I'm almost certain people pick up on those vibrations, and I want so bad to either change or train myself to change to that. Not just mentally, but to where people notice. Is something like this just absolutely out of a realm of possibility?
well confused dude, i just want to say you would appeal to me, as you say youre always friendly, and help someone struggling.....these are good qualities......dont lose sight of them
 
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