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Looking for some insight please

Z

zarconia

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2014
Messages
2
Okay so, this is a little scary for me and quite surreal but I'm getting a bit fed up of things now and would like some opinions on if people think I'm maybe just feeling a bit depressed or something else is going on?

I have been feeling really quite down recently but it certainly comes and goes - I have very little control over this and can be dependant on what other people and how they react to me (either inwardly or outwardly - e.g. If they actually say something nice or not very nice to me or I perceive them to be thinking something bad about me or good as well). I find it very hard to spend time alone, mostly anyway and when I do this is the time when I am most distressed - I am most likely to self harm and this is something I have done in the past and started again recently. Is BPD something that gets worse at times when stressed as I have felt almost happy not long ago (although I did second guess it a lot and felt I didn't deserve to feel happy). There is so much to write down that I am struggling to remember it all but basically I have a history of anxiety (not really diagnosed but I was offered medication for it) and also I would say something resembling depression - withdrawal, self harming, low self worth. I feel when I get upset or am feeling particularly low I dissociate and even feel like sometimes something that is very stressful or traumatic hasn't even happened or it was a dream. This way I feel less hurt by it.
I have been abused in the past but this started before that situation occurred so I'm not sure if it's linked.

I find it hard to get motivation for things such as tidying and cooking for myself. When things are quite bad I also find it hard to concentrate. However I am very much prone to mood swings, I can be really high and happy and then the next minute I feel like I'm paying for that high. I'm not sure if this is a patch of mild/moderate depression or if it's something more complicated than that. Any advice/comments/opinions would be greatly appreciated. And please feel free to ask if I've missed anything out.

I feel I have some knowledge of borderline personality disorder as I have studied psychology and know some of the symptoms. I must say I never really thought the symptoms applied to me much but maybe that's because there are obviously people that have it on a more extreme level. I haven't really actively thought I wanted to kill myself or anything but have had thoughts about what it would be like from time to time.

Thanks for your time and patience! Sorry for the long message.
 
woohoo4mh

woohoo4mh

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
8
Location
lincolnshire, uk
Okay so, this is a little scary for me and quite surreal but I'm getting a bit fed up of things now and would like some opinions on if people think I'm maybe just feeling a bit depressed or something else is going on?

I have been feeling really quite down recently but it certainly comes and goes - I have very little control over this and can be dependant on what other people and how they react to me (either inwardly or outwardly - e.g. If they actually say something nice or not very nice to me or I perceive them to be thinking something bad about me or good as well). I find it very hard to spend time alone, mostly anyway and when I do this is the time when I am most distressed - I am most likely to self harm and this is something I have done in the past and started again recently. Is BPD something that gets worse at times when stressed as I have felt almost happy not long ago (although I did second guess it a lot and felt I didn't deserve to feel happy). There is so much to write down that I am struggling to remember it all but basically I have a history of anxiety (not really diagnosed but I was offered medication for it) and also I would say something resembling depression - withdrawal, self harming, low self worth. I feel when I get upset or am feeling particularly low I dissociate and even feel like sometimes something that is very stressful or traumatic hasn't even happened or it was a dream. This way I feel less hurt by it.
I have been abused in the past but this started before that situation occurred so I'm not sure if it's linked.

I find it hard to get motivation for things such as tidying and cooking for myself. When things are quite bad I also find it hard to concentrate. However I am very much prone to mood swings, I can be really high and happy and then the next minute I feel like I'm paying for that high. I'm not sure if this is a patch of mild/moderate depression or if it's something more complicated than that. Any advice/comments/opinions would be greatly appreciated. And please feel free to ask if I've missed anything out.

I feel I have some knowledge of borderline personality disorder as I have studied psychology and know some of the symptoms. I must say I never really thought the symptoms applied to me much but maybe that's because there are obviously people that have it on a more extreme level. I haven't really actively thought I wanted to kill myself or anything but have had thoughts about what it would be like from time to time.

Thanks for your time and patience! Sorry for the long message.
hey, tiring aint it, boxers do 12 rounds and thats it, fighting this is a constant fight,
i know with the abuse you need to draw a line with it, again i know thats a lot harder than it sounds, but i was raped, beaten, kicked, even had two on me at one time, nobody as ever loved me so had no one to tell who would have cared, then as i got older it carrried on but stopped as i got to old to know, then when i got older i went with men who would dominate me and use and abuse me, proper ripping me up inside so had to dig deep to do it but draw a line with it, yes it happened and its sick, sick to do it to any underage, but remeber if you think your worthless think not cuz your better than the ones who did it, your fighting this and this is so hard, i lost most my eye sight a while back but before was when i was at my lowest and losing my sight was easy compared with mh problems, just keep with the things that make you giggle like funny films, funny songs not sad ones, go see comediens, try and find what makes you really happy even if its walking in hte rain and do it, all the best with it all though
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
Is BPD something that gets worse at times when stressed...
Yes, absolutely.
And sometimes the cause of a change in mood can seem to have be so subtle (or sometimes there's no trigger at all).
It sounds like you've been struggling for a while and i'm sorry to hear that. Obviously I don't have medical training, I can't diagnose you, but it does seem to me as if what your experiencing does fit with the BPD symptoms.

What have you done so far in terms of reaching out for help?
 
Z

zarconia

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2014
Messages
2
Thank you both I appreciate your responses and patience. I think I'll be going to the GP next week to see if they can refer me somewhere. I'm taking my boyfriend with me as I think I'm likely to downplay how I've been feeling. I'm very wary with medication and am going to try to avoid it if I can - I know doctors like to push anti depressants on you at most opportunities.
Again thanks for your concern.
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,064
Location
australia
you did your best... you also alerted someone like myself to yourself...

..you shared many things ....I have only one way to consider you and to share myself..

I am too far gone to save you.

I expect that someone else here can!

you deserve to be comfortable.

I am not allowed to be myself..... I am sorry
 
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