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Looking for inspiration, been struggling so long

Drawings_T

Drawings_T

Active member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
41
Location
SW London
My first post on here. I struggled with depersonalisation aged around 13 and then suffered my first depressive episode aged 15. As my Dad was a heavy alcoholic at the time I got pushed to the back of the queue and didn't receive proper support. As a result I developed severe OCD. This lead to a period of heavy recreational drug use. In spite of a severe breakdown after finishing university and another a few years later I could never get my parents to give the support I needed. In 2008, aged 28, I thought I was starting a new chapter, beginning to improve my relationship with my parents and learn to relax. Then - my dad died in a tragic accident and for many years I was consumed with guilt at not having been able to save him.

I'm now 40 and ten years later finally feel that I've finally been able to see that I'm not at fault for what happened. I've been stuck in the same job and living with my Mum since 2003. I've tried super hard to move ahead, cutting down drinking, exercising, eating properly. For some reason I've just come down with another really tough episode of depression. I want to keep fighting but find it so hard to keep my enthusiasm as I get older and see things passing me by. Does anyone have any thoughts?
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
3,830
Location
warwick
Hi Drawings

It seems you need some enjoyment in life, I go out 2 times a week and work 2 days a week althogh im retired, I have only just after 12 years starting to enjoy parts of my life.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
1,605
Location
New Zealand
Hi,

Good on you for reaching out Drawings_T. Yes, you have to keep fighting brother, it's a difficult journey, life, but just keep the hope alive, and maybe enter into some new hobbies or pass times? Personally, I'd like to get back into hiking, it's great on many levels, and perhaps it's something you could get into at the weekends, as well?

And also, welcome aboard, Drawings_T.
 
Drawings_T

Drawings_T

Active member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
41
Location
SW London
Thanks for both your replies! I think perhaps the answer is kind of what you suggest, but that I need to learn to enjoy the things I do more. I do a lot of things, cycle, go to drawing classes, go for drinks with friends. But maybe need to learn to relax and enjoy the moment more. I think I bring all my troubles with me.
 
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